I know it sucks and I know you feel like that there is nothing more important in your life than getting your ex girlfriend back. I have been in your shoes and that’s why I’ve written this guide to get you through this difficult time. But before we begin, you should know there is no guarantee that you will get your ex girlfriend back. We will however, increase your chances by tenfolds.
You probably feel like you’d do anything to get your ex girlfriend back, don’t you?
Let me tell you a little about myself. After my breakup, I read tons of books on breakups, female and male psychology and getting your ex back. And I’ve been helping people with breakups for the past two years. This guide is an accumulation of two years of experience in helping people with breakups. It will tell you literally everything you need to know about getting your girlfriend back. You will have the knowledge and a plan that you need to TAKE ACTION on. If even after reading this, you insist on sticking to your old ways, then no one can help you. You have to follow what this article says and you will not only become a more confident and attractive man for your ex girlfriend, you will also discover yourself along the way.
To make it easy I have divided this guide into four steps. Each step is crucial and you must go through each step and be confident enough before moving on to the next one.
What you will learn in this guide
– A step by step plan to get her back
– A look into your relationship and why you broke up
– A look into yourself and why you are not attractive to her anymore
– A look into your future and what you want from your dating life
– A view on life and relationship that will keep her around forever
I know you want to get your ex girlfriend back fast and end the pain instantly. I know you wish there was a magic button you can press that will make your ex girlfriend come back in your arms right away. But it isn’t so. It’s a challenge. And you have to work through it. You have to man up and go through the pain and emotions and work to get her back. I can only guide you. But you will have to face your fears, your pain, your emotions, your jealousy, your guilt, your anger, and everything else you will feel during this process. In the end, you just have to remember that you must stay strong. You have to stop yourself from becoming the needy, desperate, sorry excuse for a man that you were when your girlfriend left you.
OK, all that might have been a little harsh, but it is the truth. At least in most of the cases. One of the reasons girls leave is because somewhere along the lines, their boyfriends stop being a man for them. They become somewhat needy and desperate. I know it might not necessarily be your case and we will go through the reasons in step 3. Right now, just understand that everything will not be over in a second and you will have to work and possibly go through a lot of pain to get her back.
Step 1 – Stop Making These Obvious Mistakes
The first step of this plan is a list of deadly horrible mistakes that will push your ex girlfriend (and possibly every other female) a mile away. But the worst part is, these mistakes are almost like a natural reaction after a breakup. Every inch of your body will tell you to do these mistakes and to the broken heart, these look like the logical thing to do.
BUT IT’S NOT. Even if you have done these mistakes already, you have to stop instantly. Whatever damage you might’ve done till now can still be repaired if you just stop doing them right now. Alright? OK, let’s move to these mistakes
1. Calling and Texting Your Ex
“Hey, I just wanted to ask how are you?” TRANSLATION -“Hey, I miss you and can’t live without you. Can you come back?”
You always want to call your ex and text them telling them how much you love them. It’s not attractive and to be honest, after a while it becomes very irritating for your ex. You don’t want them to think of you as someone who just calls them constantly despite them telling you not to do it anymore. You just have to understand that no good can come from calling your ex. At least not right after the breakup. She needs her space and so do you. Breakup leaves you with a lot of emotions and thoughts to process. Trying to get her to call you back, or just constantly asking what she is doing is only going to make you look desperate in her eyes.
2. Begging Her to Come Back
I don’t know why, but it’s the most common advice that people give to guys who want their ex girlfriend back. Somehow, people think that girls like guys begging to be with them. Not true. Especially so after a breakup. Girls actually hate guys who beg them to be with them. Why? Well, begging shows desperation. And desperation is not attractive.
Besides, begging her is not going to work since you two are not in a relationship anymore. If you were, and you had done some terrible mistake, you could’ve begged for her forgiveness. But this isn’t the same situation after a breakup. If she has already decided to leave you, then begging will not change her mind. In fact, it’s only going to make her think that her decision to leave you was the right one.
3. Agreeing To All Her Conditions
I knew this guy who was ready to leave his job, his career, and move to another city and join college just to be with his ex. What do you think happened to him? She said no. In fact, she told him that “you are not right for me, and I want to find someone else who is more suitable for me.”
If you are agreeing to everything your ex says, then you are just showing how much desperate you are to be with her. Moreover, you are showing to her, that your life, your career, your ambition and your values mean nothing in front of her. As romantic as it may sound, it’s actually quite the opposite. Nobody wants a person who doesn’t have any ambition, any goals, any values, or any boundaries in his life. No girl wants a slave who would do anything for her. They all want a king.
4. Telling Her How Much You Love Her
“Maybe if I carve it on the tree outside her house, she will believe me.” – The creepy ex boyfriend
Let me make it easier for you. She already knows that you love her. If she left you for the reason that “you don’t love her anymore”, then you can rest assured that bombarding her with “i love you texts” will not convince her. In fact, no romantic gesture (even the non-creepy ones) right now will make her believe that you love her. It’s only going to make you look desperate to be with her. She is going to assume that you just want what you can’t have and everything you do is because of your narcissistic personality.
So, there is no point in telling her how much you love her or how much you miss her, or how much you can’t live without her. Simply because it’s not going to help you in anyway. There is a time to say all those things but it’s not now. Trust me. I’ve been there.
5. Freaking Out When She Dates Someone Else
Well, you two broke up. So she has all the right in the world to go out with other guys. I know how much it hurts to imagine her in someone else’s arms, but that’s life. And you have to deal with the pain.
When my girlfriend started dating someone after the breakup, it felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. But, in the end, the relationship ended and we got back together. The same thing happened to thousands of guys that I’ve helped over the years. (If you want to read more about what to do in this situation, Read: How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Even If She Has Another Boyfriend)
The fact is, her new relationship is a rebound relationship. And it’s not going to last. In fact, almost 90% of the rebound relationships end pretty soon. She is in a relationship because leaving you left a huge hole in her life and she is trying to fill it with someone else. Of course, she will soon realize that jumping into another relationship is not going to fill that hole and she will end the relationship again.
I know the guy she is dating is a scumbag. But there is no point in telling her. Let her realize it on her own.
The only thing you need to be careful about is to not freak out when you find out. Don’t call her. Don’t call her new boyfriend. Don’t do something stupid that you will regret later. I know it’s painful but you have to deal with the pain without making a fool of yourself. In fact, if you ever see both of them together, you should act cool. That’s the only thing you can do that will increase your chances of getting your ex girlfriend back. If you try to tell her that he is wrong for her, you are just going to make her want to date that guy for even longer.
Note: I know that for many guys it’s a lot harder to deal with when you find out your ex is sleeping with someone else, especially if you are in love with her. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it other than accept it. Look at this way, she slept with other guys before you and she will sleep with other guys after you. However, her having sex with someone is not as big a deal as you make it in your mind. It didn’t bother you if she had sex before she met you, so why should it bother you if she has sex with someone after she broke up with you? I know it’s easier said than done but try to not let this bother you.
6. Getting Stuck In the Friend zone
This happens to a lot of guys after a breakup. They think if they become friends with their ex girlfriends and listen to all her problems, she will eventually get attracted to you again and want to come back. Again, it’s a really really bad decision. You don’t want to be left in the friend zone. You will be stuck hearing her complain about the guys she dates while you are feeling miserable inside. Being in friend zone with an ex you are in love with is a terrible idea and you should not fall into that. You have to be friendly with her and you will at one point ask her to be friends again, but make sure you don’t become her sexless friend.
OK. So that wraps up the first step. If you’ve already made all these mistakes, don’t fret. The damage done can still be controlled. All you have to do is follow the rest of the steps carefully, and without making any mistake. It’s going to get a lot harder because here comes no-contact.
Step 2 – No Contact
This step is simple, but it’s not easy. In fact, it might be the hardest thing you’ll have to do since you broke up. You just don’t contact her. Whatever happens, just don’t contact her. You feel like just telling her that you miss her, don’t contact her. You feel like just asking her how she is doing, don’t contact her. You feel like asking her the recipe of that delicious pancakes she used to make, DON’T CONTACT HER.
Your phone can be your biggest enemy at this time. Don’t give in to the temptation.
Why are we stopping contact with her? For three main reasons.
1. So you don’t seem desperate and needy anymore. Every time you contact her, she makes herself believe that you are miserable without her and can’t live without her (and rightfully so). Even if you act all nonchalant and cool, she will still think like this.
2. It will give her time to miss you. In fact, if you stop contacting her, I can almost guarantee that she will contact you after a while. She is going to miss you after the breakup. It’s the nature of breakup. And it’s also going to make her doubt her decision of breaking up. If you keep calling her, you will never let her miss you enough to doubt her decision.
3. The third and the most important reason for no contact is you. It will give you the space and time to process all the emotions and the thoughts that you are left after the breakup. Let’s be honest, if you are anything like me, then you are a mess right now. And you have to give yourself time to pull yourself together and become that attractive man again that she fell in love with the first time. And it’s not going to happen if you are in contact with her. Why? Well, because every time you contact her or she contacts you, you start obsessing over the conversation and the breakup and your relationship with her. And your obsession is so strong that you can’t concentrate on anything else.
You just have to stay no-contact with her till the time you can handle communications with her and still make progress in your life. You have to reach a point where you value your happiness, your life goals, and your mental peace more than her. You have to reach a point where you love yourself more than her.
Every time you contact her, you become one step closer to becoming this guy.
So how long should you stay no-contact with her? Well, it depends on two things. How long it takes you to pull yourself together and become a happy and confident guy. And how long it takes her to forget all the negativity of the breakup and start missing you. There is no written rule for it but around 1-2 months is a good start if you had a rough breakup. On the other hand, if you compare the ugliness of the breakup to Mickey Rourke and your creepiness afterwards to Steve Buscemi; then I’ll suggest you stay in no contact for a little while longer.
What if she contacts you during no-contact?
I know it’s hard, but you have to try and not pick up her phone when she calls. If she texts you, then do not reply to her texts. You must do this for at least 30 days. After that, even if you are still in the no-contact period, you can (only if you choose to) pick up her calls. No texting is allowed at all in the no contact period.
If you do choose to pick up her calls, here are a few tips that you can use.
-You must keep the conversation short and polite.
–Don’t talk about your feelings, your relationship or the breakup.
-You just have to let her know that you are doing well without her and you are not interested in making the conversation personal. Talk to her like an acquaintance that you are in good terms with.
-It’s a good idea to talk about your common friends and the activities you have been doing.
-Try to keep the conversation less than 15 minutes long.
What if you work together?
You don’t want the breakup to mess with your career. The best way you can apply no-contact in this situation is you don’t talk to her unless it’s absolutely necessary and its work related. You can have a casual “Hello” or “how are you” here and there but try to keep the conversation as less as possible. Also, make sure you don’t let the breakup take a toll on your career. Try to give your best at work and it will only help increase your chances of reconciliation.
What if she is in the same class?
If you are in school or in college and you have to see her everyday in class, you can still apply no-contact. You don’t really have to talk to her in class and you don’t have to talk to her outside class. Just go to your class and hang out with your friends. If you have common friends, stay away from them for a while and make new ones. (Note: If you are still in high school Read: Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If You Are In High School – Tips For Teenagers)
What if you have a child together?
OK, the same rules apply. You can talk to your ex-girlfriend or ex-wife as long as the conversation is strictly related to the child. Be cordial and nice, and always help her whenever she needs it. As long as your communication is related to your child, you are good to go. You will have to obviously see her every once in a while. When you do, make sure you are in a good mood and you look good. Don’t talk about anything personal for a while and soon you will be ready to get her back.
Step 3 – Working On Yourself
This is the part of the plan where you have to learn to take care of yourself without your ex-girlfriend and start being a happy and confident guy; not the needy, desperate imbecile who was ready to do anything just so a girl would accept to be with him. You are going to work on becoming an attractive man, not just to get your ex girlfriend back, but for yourself. Because that’s what you are. Because somewhere along in the relationship, you stopped being attractive to your girlfriend. And now, it’s time for you to take control of your life back and get everything you want.
First of all, you need to understand that you will feel a lot of emotions during this period. You will feel guilt, anger, depression, sadness, loneliness, shock, confusion, denial, fear, jealousy, love and even hate during no-contact. You have to learn to deal with these emotions in a healthy way. Let them come and go. It’s part of a breakup. You just have to make sure that you don’t contact your ex girlfriend during no contact. And you have to take care of yourself mentally, physically and emotionally.
After my breakup, I was such a mess that I had no idea when I was eating, when I was sleeping and what I was doing with my life. I’d literally wake up in the middle of the night with tears in my eyes. Yeah, I admit it. I know it wasn’t the manliest moment of my life. But it happened and I dealt with it. I didn’t call her and told her how miserable I was. And to be honest it all paid off in the end.
Taking Care of Your Physical Self
I know that sometimes, all you want to do is just lay in bed, watching TV or just sit on your couch and play video games all day long. But that’s not going to help you get her back. It will be hard in the starting but you have to go out there and do some physical activity to keep yourself fit. Here are a few things you to keep yourself physically fit.
Go To the Gym
Seriously, get in shape. It’s going to make you more attractive and it’s going to make you happier. Working out releases chemicals that reduces stress and makes you happy. It’s not only good for your physical health, but your mental health as well.
Play Any Sport You Like
When was the last time you played baseball, or basketball or football? If you like playing some sport, then this is a great time for you to get into it. Not only it’s a great work out, it’s also great way to socialize and hang out with your friends. Besides, playing sports is only going to give you attraction points in your ex’s eyes.
Take Care of Your Diet
Choose a meal of fruits and vegetables instead of a big bowl of ice cream.
Seriously, eat right. Don’t put crap in your body and your body is going to love you for it. If you smoke, then there is no better time to stop smoking. I know smoking gives the illusion of relieving stress, but in reality it’s only making you more stressed. There have been numerous researches on it. And if you do quit smoking, it’s going to show your ex that you are making positive changes in your life and that’s definitely going to make her second guess her decision of breaking up.
Do Yoga, Meditation etc.
Even if you have never tried it before, do yoga and meditation. It’s great for your mental peace and you are going to learn a lot about yourself and your body while doing it. You are going to become more aware about yourself and it’s only going to make you more confident and happy.
Taking Care Of Your Mental and Emotional State
Your mind is at a very fragile state right now. You will be obsessing over your ex and going through a lot of emotions. At this time, it is very important that you take care of your mental and emotional state. Here are a few things that you must do.
1. Do The Things You Enjoy
Do things that relax you and you enjoy. It will take your mind away from your ex and will help you heal from the breakup as well. It could be anything like playing video games or playing the guitar, to building model airplanes.
2. Go Out With Your Friends
Sometimes relationships make us alienated from our friends. This is a great time to catch up with your friends and have some fun with them. Go out with your friends as much as you can and force yourself to socialize even if you don’t want to. It’s hard to obsess over your ex if you are surrounded by people who love and appreciate you.
Remember your buddies? They never broke your heart and made you miserable. Why don’t you give them a call?
3. Go Out On a Date
A fund date will do you more for your confidence than a thousand pushups.
Now, I am not asking you to sleep with every girl that comes your way. But try to go out and meet new women. I know dating is a scary territory to wander in. But it can also be an enjoyable experience if you go in with a light heart and without any expectations. Going out on a date is going to help you in many ways.
–It will help you realize that you are a fun and attractive guy. This will help you boost your ego and increase your self confidence.
– It will help you realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone who is much better than your ex for you. Perhaps, you will realize that you are just putting your ex on a pedestal for no reason.
– It’s going to make your ex jealous. Believe me, your ex is trying to figure out what you are upto and they will find out that you are putting yourself out there. Sometimes, jealousy is a powerful motivator for your ex girlfriend to want to come back.
4. Building up Your Self Confidence
You must work on your confidence and self-esteem. Try to highlight your attractive qualities and forget about everything unattractive you have. No one is perfect and we all have to play with the cards we are dealt with. Use your strengths and learn to live with your weakness. Accept yourself for who you are and be proud of it. There is nothing more attractive than a guy who accepts and embrace himself completely. Be that guy.
Confidence is the most attractive trait that a man can have. Girls love a confident guy. Remember, confidence isn’t something that people are born with. It can be learned. For starters, have goals in your life and work towards them. Start working out and be in the best shape of your life. Knowing you are in good shape is going to make you more attractive. Be more aware of yourself, your needs, your desires, your weakness and don’t be ashamed of anything in you. I could write a lot more in this section but I am going to leave it at this, love yourself and everything in you. And soon the entire world will love you.
5. Accepting The Breakup
OK, I know this article is about how to get your ex girlfriend back. But there is something you need to accept right now. The relationship you had with your ex girlfriend is over. You’ve already lost her. You can get her back, but that will be a new relationship.
Remember, you have nothing to lose, since you have already lost her. Even if she doesn’t come back, you are still going to live a happy and fulfilling life. You DON’T NEED her in your life, YOU WANT HER. If you don’t get what you want, you still carry on with your life with your head held high and a smile on your face.
Analyzing Your Relationship
This is also a great time to analyze your life and your relationship. Wanting to get your ex back is like a knee-jerk reaction after a breakup. But it’s not always a right decision. I know you might feel like she is the one, and you love her with all your heart and you can’t live without her. But all that is just your breakup brain talking. Your breakup brain is a state of mind which will do anything to avoid dealing with the pain of breakup. Well guess what, you get her back or not, you will have to go through this pain. Since there is no way you can avoid this pain, let’s first make sure that you are getting back with her for the right reason.
How was your relationship with her?
Seriously, think about it. If you are just answering that it was great and she was perfect, it’s still your breakup brain talking. Think harder. What was wrong with the relationship? What were the negative qualities of your ex? Is it something you can live with for the rest of your life? Were you really happy in a relationship with her?
You are making a life altering decision over here. For many people this decision is something like this
I don’t know anything. I just know I want her back. I can’t live without her. I just want her to love me and be with me. That’s the only thing I am sure of in my life. Everything else, I will figure out later.
While, that may be a good line in a cheesy romantic movie; it’s not a good reason to rekindle a dead relationship which was making both of you miserable.
Think of the reason why you broke up. Since you two broke up, it must something major and it probably can’t be fixed easily. For the sake of this article, let’s go over some of the common reasons for breakups
1. You had a fight and it lead to a breakup.
Couples fight. But if it leads to a breakup, then there was something wrong with the relationship. Most of the time, girls already decide to breakup and they just use the fight as an excuse to breakup. It could be that she was not happy in the relationship and just couldn’t find a reason for the breakup.
Chances of Getting Her Back.
In this situation, it’s definitely possible to reignite the spark and get her back.
Should You Get Her Back?
However, you must realize that she is someone who has a major communication problem. Either she was not happy with you, or you two had a fight; in either case, she decided to end the relationship instead of talking about it rationally. If you want to have a relationship in the future then you both need to work on your communication skill. If you want to spend your life with this girl, she must learn to communicate her problems and so should you. If you really think she is a person who can accept this and work on her, then you should get back together.
2. She wanted to explore her options
This usually happens with younger girls, just out of school or college. She realizes that she has not discovered herself yet and she should probably break up with her boyfriend and explore a little more. The reason for breakup is pretty clear.
Chances of Getting Her Back
It will be a little hard for you since she is going to go out there and get involved with other guys. However, if you two had a good relationship together, then you still have a pretty solid chance.
Should You Get Her Back?
It’s quite simple. She wants to discover herself. You should let her do it. If she stays in a relationship with you, she is going to have this in the back of her mind for the rest of her life. And she will leave you sooner and later. But if she does go out there, and learn that her life is better with you, she will come back and never leave again. So, yes if she comes back, it’s a good idea to be with her. At least, she is honest about herself and her expectations in life. She might be confused, but she is honest. Although, you should never force this one to come back to you. Let it be her idea.
3. There was no spark in relationship. Dead relationship. She wanted more.
Here is the thing. Girls need to be constantly admired for their beauty and they need to have at least some sort of attraction with their boyfriends. If your relationship went completely stale, she might leave you in search of happiness and excitement.
Chances of Getting Her Back?
Pretty good. Since its just attraction that she has lost, it will be easy to build it up. This guide will work like a charm in this case.
Should You Get Her Back?
Again, there is a communication problem. She could have explained her feelings to you and you both would have worked on this. But instead, she chose to bail. Still, you can give her the benefit of the doubt since she was confused and she probably discussed the problem with her friends. Some girls usually think that attraction is just something they feel and there is nothing you can do about it. And it’s hard to tell your boyfriend that you are not attracted to him anymore without breaking up. So, yes, even though leaving you wasn’t the perfect decision, from her point of view it made sense. I think getting her back in this case is going to be a good decision. But if you do, you have to understand that you’ll always have to be on top of your game and work on maintaining the love and attraction between you two.
4. Some Major Difference in Opinion/ Life Goals
Then, there can be the case where she wanted something else in life and you wanted something else. Maybe she wanted marriage or kids that you weren’t ready for. She decided that it was more important for her to get married or have kids than be with you.
Chances of Getting Her Back.
Excellent chances. All you have to do is agree to what she wants and she will come back.
Should you Get Her Back?
Absolutely not. Since you want something completely different in your life, you must stick to the decision of breaking up. If you do get her back, you will regret it for the rest of your life. It’s better to go through the pain of breaking up and find someone whose life goals and opinions match with yours.
5. You cheated on her
So, you were out with your friends, you met this cute girl, you started drinking and before you know it, BAM you cheated on your girlfriend. Well, she found out and now you are here, reading this long ass article about how to get your ex girlfriend back; hoping there will be something for a cheating sleaze ball like you(no offense, I am just using the words she used while breaking up with you).
Chances of Getting Her Back.
You will be glad to hear it, but your chances are pretty good. But only if you clean up your act and never do it again. You just need to give her some time to forgive you. It also depends on how much she was into you. If she was heavily invested in you, she will find a way to forgive you and accept you in her life. However, if it was just a casual relationship and you have been together for a short while, your chances are pretty slim, since she will rather invest her time and energy on someone who didn’t cheat on her.
Should You Get Her Back?
OK, since you cheated on her, you have to ask yourself why you did it. Were you not satisfied with her? Or are you the type of person who always cheats on his girlfriend? Maybe you are not a one women man. Maybe you need to be with different girls for your happiness? Hey, I am not judging. But if you are like this, you are probably better off being in an open relationship or just have multiple casual relationships. You must be honest to yourself about who you are and what you want in life. Only then, you can find a relationship that will keep you happy.
On the other hand, if this was just a onetime occurrence, and you just did it because you were drunk or you were to tempted; then you have to consider the fact that it will extremely tough to build trust with her again. You will have to be completely transparent about everything for a while. If she decides to give it another chance, you will have to be cool with her checking your phone, your emails and your computer for a while. Once she starts to trust you again, you can again have your privacy, but her trust will never be a 100% again. Do you think it’s really worth it? If so, then you should go ahead and try to get her back.
What If You Broke Up With Her?
On the other hand, there are times when you are the one who broke up with your girlfriend and you want her back. However, this time she doesn’t want to get back together. You feel like you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life but you can’t do anything to rectify it.
Chances of Getting Her Back.
In this case, first of all, stop blaming yourself. There is still hope to get your ex girlfriend back. You just need to follow this article. Whatever the reason you broke up for, you have a pretty good chance.
Should You Get Her Back?
If you broke up with her, then chances are, you want to get her back just because you miss her or because you feel lonely. I’ll highly recommend that you stop all contact with her and start working on becoming happy without her. If you get past all this emotional phase of the breakup, and you still want her back, only then you should try to reconcile.
(Note: To read more about what to do if you broke up with your girlfriend, Read: How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If YOU broke up with her?)
Your Life Goals And Accepting The Breakup
After my breakup, there were times where I just felt like the only thing I want in my life is her. Nothing else matters. But that wasn’t really true. In fact, I had a lot of goals in my life at that moment which I was totally ignoring because I was just obsessed about my ex-girlfriend. Now, I know you really want her back in your life. And that’s cool. But you also need to understand that your life is more than this relationship.
What do you want to accomplish in your life. If you said “Get my ex-girlfriend back”, then consider this. Is the purpose of your life really just this much? Don’t you think your life needs to bigger, better, more meaningful than this?
You must start imagining a future without your ex in it. You must accept that there is a chance that you will never get her back. Do you still see yourself happy? Do you still lead a happy and meaningful life? Your life should not revolve around your ex. You must find your goals and work on achieving them. It could be small or big, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s meaningful to you and it makes you want to get up in the morning.
You also need to develop a mentality that there is an abundance of love and happiness out there. Your happiness and your love does not start and end with your ex. Even if things don’t work out with her, there will still be many opportunities for love and happiness in your life. You just need to be open to accepting them. Until you keep on obsessing over your ex, those opportunities will never come to you. But if you decide to open yourself to everything this world has to offer, you will receive love and happiness and everything else that you ever wanted.
Be open to the opportunities around you. Say YES to life.
Once you have developed this attitude, you are ready to move on to Step 4.
Step 4 – Contact Her Again
After you’ve finished the no-contact period, it’s time for you to start contact with her again. There are many ways to do this, but in my experience, the best way to do it is by using a hand written letter followed by text messages.
Why a hand written letter?
I know it might sound a little strange, but it does stand out.
Simply because it stands out in this world of digital communication. Also, it gives a little personal touch to your message. However, instead of a hand written letter, you can use an email or a simple text message. But, it’s best to use text messages after sending an initial letter or email.
What do you write in the letter?
The letter needs to be short explaining how you have accepted the breakup and you also think that it’s for the best. It can be followed by a little something extra to get her curious.
There are four things you need to mention in the letter.
1. Agree with the breakup.
2. Tell her that you both need some space right now.
3. If you are doing something new or something exciting in your life, tell her about it.
4. Apologize for your creepy or inappropriate behavior that might have happened after the breakup.
Here is a sample letter.
I just wanted to let you know that I am finally at peace with the breakup. Come to think about it, I saw it coming.
Also, I think I should apologize for the way I acted after the breakup. It was inappropriate and disrespectful.
Oh and BTW, I wanted to tell you that something exciting happened to me recently. I’d love to talk to you about it, but now is not the right time. We both need some time and space right now.
After the letter, chances are your ex will contact you and maybe even want to meet you. If she does, it’s great. You can go on to the next step and take it from there. If not, it’s time to start rebuilding attraction using text messages.
Now, these text messages don’t work unless you have completely stopped texting her prior to this. You have to use these text messages as something exciting. Don’t use the text messages for anything other than rebuilding attraction. That means no arguing over text messages, no boring talk, and no meaningless messages. You want her to associate text messages from you as something exciting, something fun and something positive. You want her to start craving a text message from you when she is feeling down. Any negative conversation via text messages is going to serve you against that purpose.
The key to using text messages is to start slowly and move on to more intimate stuff.
A good way to start is to use something that you enjoyed together. Music, movies, books etc. And send them a text saying that you just saw/heard it and it reminded you of her.
Now, you have to keep the conversation short, so make sure when whatever she answers, you tell her that you have something to do. Like a movie or dinner with someone.
If you get a negative response, like “DON’T TEXT ME AGAIN”. Then just reply with a simple “Sorry. Hope you are doing well.” And don’t contact her. At least for a few weeks. This means there is still anger and negative association towards you. Contacting her more is going to hurt your chances. So it’s better to lay off for a while.
Keep your texts creative and don’t use the same thing again. Give her something to bite on. You can use some good memory that you had together in the texts too.
Remember, to keep the conversation always positive. You can flirt, and even compliment her, but never show that you need her in your life. It’s OK to say things like
“I am glad you were a part of my life.”
“You are an amazing girl.”
“You looked really beautiful that day.”
But not things like
“I wish we could give it another chance.”
“Sometimes, I feel like you are the only one for me.”
“I really want to be with you.”
Get the idea? If you want a more detailed explanation on how to build attraction with text messages, check out this program from my friend Mike. He will tell you exactly what to say to your ex to make her fall in love with you again.
Asking Her Out
The best way to ask your ex out is by calling her and asking her if she’d like to hang out with you. Make sure you are in an upbeat and positive mood while you call her. While calling her, remember you WANT her, you DON’T NEED her. If you sound needy on the phone, you will definitely be rejected.
What to say?
Make sure you don’t mention the word “date”. Unless she has already brought up the topic of you getting back together, you should not rush it. Have patience and go out with her as a friend. Have fun with her and build up attraction. Slowly, she will suggest reconciliation on her own.
A good way to ask her is “if you wants to catch up.” Or “if you want to hang out tomorrow.” Choose a venue which is casual and which gives both of you an opportunity to leave easily.
A coffee is pretty good place. You can have fun and if you want to escalate things from there, you can go to a bar after that. If you decide to keep the date short, you can leave after the coffee.
Coffee. Helping people get back together since the 14th century.
A few alternatives are shopping, dancing (if you are into it), a football game (if she is into it), a theme park, mini golf etc.
It’s good to have something to do during the meetup. This will help her become comfortable with you and you can have fun as well.
What if she says no?
If she does, you can try to push her gently. But don’t overdo it. A simple “come on, what’s the harm. It’ll be fun.” Is good. However, “I really want us to do this. Can’t you just do this for me? Please?” is a little too much and desperate. Remember, your old relationship is dead. You should treat her like a girl you are trying to seduce. Not your ex who was once in love with you. She is single now and she doesn’t owe you anything. She might require a little push here and there, but always be gentle and respectful.
If she still says no, then accept it gracefully and hang up. Wait a few weeks and then try again. If she always says no, then I guess it’s never going to happen. Just accept it and try to move on.
During The Date
Remember, you want to keep this date fun and light. No talk about relationship, no talk about the breakup, and no talk about your feelings. You want to come off as a guy who is having a great time with his life. Not someone who is miserable without his ex. You want her to think that being with you is fun. You should be confident, attractive, happy and mature.
If she brings up the relationship, just tell her that it’s all in the past and you don’t want to talk about it. You want to build positive association with her and any talk about the past relationship and breakup is going to build up negativity. She is going to analyze you when she goes back. Do you want her to remember all the negative things that happened in the past, or do you want her to remember the amazingly positive and confident person you are right now?
A little touch goes a long way.
You might also want to learn a few things about attraction and seduction before going on this date. For example, there is a thing called kino. It’s simply means building attraction by touch. You want to gently touch her at any opportunity you have. Now, don’t be a creep and keep touching her without any reason. Just simple touches like, a slight touch on her lower back if you want to lead her outside the door. Or a touch on her shoulder while laughing. Or accidentally touching her hand while moving your hand away from the table. These simple touches build attraction and if used correctly, it can be used to escalate attraction level with her during the time.
When to Pop the Question?
No, you are not going to ask her to marry you. You want to ask her if she wants to give it another chance. Now what you really want is for her to ask this. Since, you two were together at one point, she is not going to feel uncomfortable asking you to be with her. However, she might just be shy and confused about your feelings so in many cases, you will have to make the first move.
A good time to ask her will be after you’ve had a few fun dates with her. I’d say at least two or three. However, if one of your dates leads to sex, then you can go ahead and ask her the next day.
Use your judgment to determine where she is at, and whether or not she is attracted to you enough to pop the question. Hopefully, she will say yes and you will have your ex girlfriend back in your life.
That’s it folks, hope it was helpful. If it was, please help me back by +1 this article. Just scroll down and click on the google + icon.
Also, make sure to subscribe to Step 5 which is an email series. It has helped thousands of men get through the breakup and get their girlfriend back.
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