Thinking of getting back together?
Think about it for a second?
Is it a really a good idea?
Try to think of some reasons that you shouldn’t? Can’t think of anything? How about these?
1. You can find someone better.
You can find someone much better than your ex. Your ex and you broke up, without blaming anyone, the simple fact is that you two were not compatible. Instead of trying to get back with someone you are not compatible with; why not find someone who you are compatible with? If you really think your ex is the one, then you are dead wrong. If they were “the one” they should’ve also felt the same way. And if they would’ve felt the same way, then you two would’ve worked things out. But you didn’t work things out and they don’t think you are the one. And that just means that your ex was not the one.
2. You are emotional
Look at yourself. Do you really think you are in a position to make a life altering decision?
It’s a known fact that bargaining is one of the stages of grief. Trying to convince your ex to get back might just be an emotional state where your mind is trying to convince you that they might be the one you. In reality, your mind can’t cope up with the loss and is coming up with all the stupid reasons to convince you that you two get back together. If you are in a stage where you think getting back together is better than being alone, then you can rest assured this is the bargaining stage of grief. Once you have moved on, you will be glad you stuck to being separated.
3. You are alone
If being alone makes you sad. You should not get back together with your ex.
Do you really think you are better off being in a miserable relationship than being alone? If you answered yes, you are in need of some serious counseling. But if you answered no, then you are probably just not looking at your past relationship with the right perspective. You might try to convince yourself that your relationship wasn’t that bad. But that’s just selective thinking. After breaking up, it’s quite common to block out the negative experiences and just concentrate on the positive experiences you had with your ex (or vice versa). If you are in this stage, you might be trying to convince yourself that the relationship was better than being along. But in reality, it’s totally not. It might be better than being in pain and hurt that you might feel after the breakup. But that pain and hurt does not last long. It goes away and when it does, you will find that being alone is a lot better than being in a bad relationship.
4. You are scared to go out there
It’s a scary world out there. But it’s not as bad as you make it out in your mind.
If you think that there is no one out there for you, then you are dead wrong. Whatever crappy reasons you are giving yourself to justify this asinine notion, is just plain wrong. No matter your age, your weight, your height, your financial status, your mental health, your bad habits, your insecurities, your skeletons in the closet, your not so desirable traits and everything else, you can and will find someone who is perfect for you. Trust me, this world is more connected than ever, and it’s full of all kinds of people. You can never comprehend this fact unless you go out there and try to meet new people. And you can never go out and try to meet new people if you keep holding on to the notion of getting back together with your ex.
5. You broke up
Seriously, isn’t that reason enough for you? If you are trying to get back together, you are not trying to accept the breakup. There is a possibility if you try all the tricks and gimmicks out there and get back together. But in the end, you will end up with the same person with the same relationship. And that same relationship will end in the same breakup again. Do you really want that? Wouldn’t it be better to just accept the breakup? Just accept that you two are not compatible with each other? Everyone goes through the pain after the breakup. Instead of trying to run away from the pain, or deny it; just accept the facts and try to get over the breakup. Learn from the failed relationship and try to build a better one next time.
If even after all this, you are absolutely sure you want to get back together. Then go ahead and do so.
Hi Kevin
I’m a 45 yr old man and my girlfriend of 7yrs just broke up with me she told me that I wasn’t affectionate enough so she cheated early in the relationship. I took her back and she talked to me and tried to get me to be more affectionate but I was to caught up in the cheating an was pulling away. Now she broke up with me and it came from no where. She has another guy right after she left me. I still want her because I feel that i didn’t give it a hard try. What should I do. I really want her back. And I think she wants me to. I was sticking to the no contact rule but she called me two weeks in and I want to know what to so now. I don’t want to play games.
PS this is the most helpful site that I’ve been to. Keep up the great work your saving lives. I know cause you saved mine. BLESS YOU.
Hey Don,
First of all, thanks for the kind words. Second, I’ve mentioned everything in the other article on how to get your ex girlfriend back. It’s OK that you broke the no contact but I think you should still stay no contact for a couple weeks before contacting her.
Ok so one of the main reasons my girl left me was because I was being selfish and putting my needs before her and the baby which ik was dumb n another one was she felt like I didn’t pay her enough attention .. My question is is there still a chance to get her back and if so how? Thank you
Yes, there’s a chance. Read the article on how to get your ex girlfriend back.
you are asome and helpful. it’s difficult but im trying to aplly all your tips because it all make sense,
thank you for helping many people!
Dear Kevin, My girlfriend of 2 yrs left just this week because i withdrew from her. I did this because she cheated on me early in relationship. I have been cheated on by 2 different wives and have lost 4 kids because of it. So to say it hurt was an understatement. We were working on things (and she was really trying) My problem was i just had so much on my mind. My daughter had just gotten deployed to Afghanistan…the cheating… and my own self pity made me pull away. Well she left a little over a week ago. Now i realize what i had and miss her so much. Not only do i miss her my 8 yr old son who loved her so much he would fall asleep on her lap at night instead of mine. i have been following your no contact rule for 2 days now. Today she txt me and said she was coming to get her stuff. She just told me when she left that she would get it after she got back from vacation in a month. She has worked the last 3 days 12 hr shifts so i know she doesn’t have a place to put everything. My response to her was “Sorry i am busy can’t talk now” after that she got mad and said she was coming tomorrow…well when i didn’t answer her she said something about turning off cable…i still didn’t answer. After about 20 min she txt and said she was going to take the rest of day off and come out to get it….when i still didn’t answer she txt and said she will call sheriff to come out. My thinking is that as long as i was begging her to come home she really didn’t want talk but now that i haven’t done any contact for almost 2 days she just needed a reason to txt. (a little info…we have broken up before and she couldn’t stay away for mor than 48 hrs….she would even threaten suicide) My questions are am i doing right by not answering? and is she missing me and just wanting a reason to talk with me? or am i just wishful thinking? Please help I have read ur sight and i know u say no contact for 30 days i just don’t know what to do thank you Bobby
Hey Bobby,
If she says she needs something, tell her that you will send it via some friend. Also, tell her you need some space and time and you’ll appreciate it if she respects your wish.
My GF and I have split after 5 1/2 years together. It was a GREAT time and we traveled a lot, and really had a wonderful time together. 3 years ago I had a drunken 1 night fling, and she found out about it. We talked it over several times but she just couldn’t seem to get over it. About 1 1/2 years after the fling, she said it was over. A few days later, my brother died, and since she was to close to him, she wanted to go to the funeral. We actually had a wonderful time! We were back together for 10 months, and she dropped it on me again! Then on and off for a few weeks. Finally she said, that was it, and I found out she was seeing another guy. So I let it be known that I was seeing someone also, but it was only a rebound relationship. She emailed me back and said hers was exactly the same. Then I sent a “closure letter”, and she called up crying, and said that she can’t sleep, when she’s with the other guy…. she thinks of me there, and thinks about me constantly. She said call her later and I did…another great talk. I told her to call me later, and she didn’t, so I called, no answer. I didn’t call back, and that was 2 days ago. How would you read this? I need to know! Thank you for a great forum! Ron
After leaving this message, I read over and over a lot of the material in here. The main thing I finally realized was…….the relationship was broken, and she wanted out. She’s not coming back, and even if she did, it probably wouldn’t work. So if anyone out there is ever tempted to stray from their relationship, remember, what you’re doing could be the end of the relationship. I think I had a clarity moment of acceptance, and I realize now…….it’s over!
Trust me…if you’re looking ay this site:……it’s OVER…. you wouldn’t want her back anyway!
hi kevin..me and my two years girlfriend broke up around three weeks ago because i found her cheating on me with one of my friends.despite that i have not been able to put the no-contact rule into good practice since i still call her and text her some times.
i know that this guy is still in the picture and i assume its just a rebound relationship.i want this girl back and i know that i need to implement the steps u have outlined.its hard to keep away from her since we are in the same college,but if it means i will have her back in my arms in the long term,then i am willing to do it.