If your ex cheated on you and you are trying to get over the breakup and move on, you might find some additional roadblocks along the way of healing.

1. Why Me?

Stop blaming yourself.

Blaming yourself for their cheating is one of the most common responses amongst women. Thinking about why your ex cheated on you, or whether or not you deserve a faithful partner is not going to help you get over the breakup.

However, these thoughts still do pop up in the mind every now and then. Questioning your self-worth, questioning the way you love, questioning your body image, are just a normal part of these irrational thoughts.

But the truth is, because you are hurt by the breakup, your mind is just not thinking logically. The fact that your ex cheated on you is entirely his fault. Even if your relationship was going through the worst phase in the history of bad relationship, still your ex didn’t have the right to cheat on you.

Cheating on your partner has absolutely no justification. If your ex’s justification is that they stopped loving you, they could’ve broken up.

2. The image of opposite sex

All men are dogs. Except this one. This is a man-dog.

Another normal reaction is to just blame it on the nature of the opposite sex. All men are cheaters or girls are sluts, is a common reaction after you’ve been cheated on.

Instead of accepting the fact that YOU CHOSE someone who is not faithful, it’s easier to accept that all the men out there are lying bastards.

The fact is there are faithful people in the world and there are cheaters. You just happened to choose a cheater. But it doesn’t mean it’s your fault. You can never truly know someone until you spend time with them. And if they cheat on you that just means you chose the wrong person. Move on and find someone else.

Whatever you do, don’t let this incident turn you into an insecure person with trust issues. You don’t want your next relationship to fail because you always blamed “ALL THE MEN” for the hurt one man gave you.

3. The Missing Phase and Hope of Getting Back Together

It’s completely natural to miss your ex after a breakup and get thoughts about giving them a second chance and getting back together. But when your ex cheated on you, this phase has an extra twist.

See because your ex cheated on you, you might think that’s the only reason why you two broke up. And if somehow you can be sure that your ex will be faithful to you in the future, you can get back together, live happily, get married, buy a house, have children, and grow old and all that dreamy stuff.

And it feels good to dream, because it will be just easier to be with them and make them faithful instead of finding love in that big scary world outside.

Let me just stop you over there and tell you that it’s not going to be so. Getting back together with your ex is a bad idea, and in this situation, even more so. For 2 very solid reason.

Your ex is not going to change. Even if you think it was a onetime mistake and everyone makes mistake and you should give them a chance, the truth is your ex made a decision when they cheated on you. They either chose the act of infidelity over your relationship, or they chose hiding this fact from you over an honest relationship. Either ways, their choices clearly indicate they don’t deserve another chance.

The second reason is that it’s going to be extremely hard for you to trust this person again. In reality, you never forget this kind of things. Even if you do get back together, it will always be in the back of your mind that your ex cheated on you and they might do it again. No matter how much open and honest they’ll be, no matter how much transparent they are about their lives, you will never be able to fully trust them again. You already broke up with them, there is a chance to be in a relationship where you can completely trust your partner, then why choose to be with someone you can never trust?

And don’t forget that these thoughts about reconciliation only occur during the grief period of getting over the breakup. It will not last long. Even if you think you should give your ex another chance, at least wait till you are completely over the breakup, that way you will know you are not making major life decision just because you are emotional.

Your ex left you. They hurt you. They let you think that you will be with them for a long time and then shattered all your dreams. They told you they loved you and then dumped you like you didn’t even matter to them. They told you that you meant the world to them and then suddenly they wanted you to be “just friends”. They told you they’d be faithful and then they turned around and cheated on you without even thinking about how much it will be hurtful.

And after all that, you are supposed to move on. You are supposed to mend your heart without any help from your ex. You are left alone with all these hurt and you are supposed to deal with it. And on top of all that, people tell you that you should forgive your ex.

“Really? Forgive my ex? Are you kidding me? Why should I forgive my ex? My ex is the worst person I know. I don’t want to forgive my ex; I just want to move on.”

That’s what you say. That’s what anyone would say. After all, the amount of pain you have to deal with isn’t easy. It’s hard enough as it is, and you are expected to be a saint and forgive them.

Forgiving your ex is a hard concept to grasp for most people after a breakup. And it’s completely justified if you think of forgiveness as something that would help your ex clear his or her conscience.

But forgiveness is not about your ex. Forgiveness is about you. Forgiveness is about you letting go of the resentment and anger that you might have for your ex. There are many reasons to forgive your ex. Here are a few of them.

1. When you forgive someone, you are healing yourself. The act of truly forgiving is an extremely restorative experience. When you are forgiving someone, you are moving one step closer (or maybe taking the final step) to moving on.
2. When you forgive, you are not really going to call your ex and tell them you forgive them. Forgiveness is not about making your ex feel better. It’s about making you feel better. When you forgive them truly from your heart, you will not have the urge to call them or even contact them anymore. When you forgive, you will be able to close this chapter of your life and begin a new one.
3. The fact that you loved your ex once is a good reason to encourage forgiveness. Remember that you loved your ex once. If they had done something wrong to you, you would have considered forgiving them. So why not now? Forgiving them now makes even more sense.
4. If you don’t forgive someone as important as your ex, you are only building up resentment and anger inside of yourself. Studies have shown that anger and resentment is detrimental to your health. If not for anything else, forgive your ex for your health and well-being.
5. If you have children, then anger and resentment towards your ex will affect the well-being of your children. If you don’t forgive your ex, you are going to have conflicts and arguments with them. And it will have a negative impact on your children.

Remember, if you concentrate on taking revenge instead of improving your own life, you are just letting your feelings of resentment; anger and blame take over you. It’s like you are digging a pit for your ex but eventually you will find yourself at the bottom of it.

Forgiveness isn’t something that you can force. It will come naturally. You just have to work on getting over the breakup and don’t resist forgiveness.

There is no denying it that sex with an ex easy. After all, you know each other, you know what they like in bed, they know what you like in bed, you can be comfortable with them in bed and you don’t have to be conscious about anything. So why not do it? Besides, maybe you always wanted a relationship with no strings attached. The idea of being friends with benefits is exciting, but it doesn’t come without repercussions.

I am sure that even before you started reading this article, you know the answer to this question.

Should you have sex with your ex?

No. Plain and simple. But you just can’t seem to point out why. If you can go back in time to right after you broke up, when you were hurt and in pain, would you still want to sleep with them?

What has changed now?

The fact is, your mind is still clouded with emotions. The only difference is that you are experiencing different emotions than before. After a breakup, you go different stages of emotions. Initially, you might feel shock, anger, resentment, sorrow, and all the other stuff that makes you feel pity for yourself. After you are through that stage, you start missing your ex; you even have thoughts about getting back together (if you are absolutely sure, read this article on getting your ex girlfriend back). Add that to the fact that you haven’t been laid in a while, you start imagining sleeping with your ex. And if your ex is feeling the same things, then it just reinforces your justifications.

So why not do it?

If you have sex with an ex, you are going to end up hurting yourself or them. The feelings are bound to come back. The act maybe enjoyable but what follows will be nothing short of an emotional catastrophe. You will be confused, emotional, hopes, fears, promises and have many issues from the past.

If you think you are completely over your ex and you will not feel any emotions, then you are just kidding yourself. If you are really over your ex, then why not go out there and find someone ne

Another reason to not do it, is to think about what message this will send to your ex. You are just telling them that you are still dependent on them. You are telling them that they are your only option. You are telling them that you can’t go out there and find someone for yourself.

But the biggest reason to not do it is that by having sex with your ex, you are moving a step backwards. The whole point of a breakup is to MOVE ON with your life. Not move backwards.

How to Stop It?

Just don’t do it. In fact, don’t contact your ex at all. If they contact you, don’t answer. You are not liable to answer your phone calls every time someone calls you. If you are in a situation where you have to be in contact with your ex and they propose sex, have a little self-control and say no. Saying no to your ex will only empower you.

If you haven’t already, it’s time to go no-contact. Work on building your life without your ex. Sleeping with your ex simply means that you are still depending on them for something. And if you want to have a satisfying and happy relationship with someone in the future, you will have to remove your ex from your mind and your life completely.

Sometimes, a short term relationship is much harder to get over than expected. In many cases, people are not over a relationship even one year after a relationship that only lasted 6 months. It does seem strange, but it’s completely normal. The truth is, the length of the relationship does not matter as much as how you choose to handle the breakup and work through the grief.

The biggest reason that it takes so long to move on after such a relationship is expectations. When you meet someone after long time who completely swipes you off your feet, it’s hard to not build up expectations in your mind. [continue reading…]

One of the frustrating challenges after a breakup is trying to stop obsessive thoughts about your ex. Unfortunately, there isn’t a switch in your mind which you can turn off. If there was, no one in this world would be suffering from mental illness.

Obsessive thoughts about your ex are just like any other obsessive thoughts. If you try to suppress them, it will only be helpful for a few minutes. If you try to suppress it for very long, it’s going to build up a lot of negative energy inside and it will come back with great vengeance and furious anger ready to take over your mind. [continue reading…]

When you are asking for closure, what exactly are you expecting? Is it something like this?

I need to know if my ex still loves me. I think if I just know his feelings about me, I will get closure.

My ex was with me for 3 years. She said that she loved me and will always be with me. I have to know what happened that she went from “I Love You” to “I want a divorce”. I asked her this question but it just led to an argument. I need an answer to get closure.

I just want to tell my ex how I feel right now.

I think my ex owes me an explanation

Do you think answering these questions will lead you to closure? [continue reading…]