Some people can get over a breakup in one week. While for others it can take, months, years and sometimes decades. It all depends on how your relationship was, how your life was, and how you handle the breakup.
Different minds have different speed and different ways of handling a loss. Unfortunately, most of the time it’s not very effective.
It can depend on a lot of things. How was your relationship with your ex? How long you were together? What type of breakup you had? How much were you committed to each other? How was your life before you met your ex? And most important of all, how do you deal with loss.
How was your relationship with your ex?
Were you two good together? Or you were fighting most of the time? Were you in an abusive relationship? Were you just a passing affair?
The fact that you broke up meant your relationship with your ex was broken. It doesn’t mean that either one of you was at fault, it just means you two were not compatible with each other.
If you think you two were good together, chances are you don’t realize what was wrong with the relationship. It’s possible that you might want to get back together. It’s also possible that you realize it has ended and you move on to the next relationship better than this one.
If you were in an abusive relationship, it will be easier for you to realize that you deserve better. Getting out of an abusive relationship feels like a breath of fresh air. But the mind still plays it’s tricks as there is still a loss of someone close to you and you still have to deal with it.
How long were you together?
The longer you were together, usually the longer it takes to get over the breakup. If you have been together for only a year or two, it might not be that much hard when compared to being together for 25 years.
The longer you were together, the more you lost your identity as a single person. If you were together for a long time, the hardest part would be to reestablish yourself as an individual, not in the eyes of the world but in your own eyes.
What type of breakup you had?
Did your ex cheat on you? Did you have a big fight? Or did you breakup amicably?
What happened during the breakup is something that takes up a lot of thought space in your mind after the breakup. If the breakup was a sudden fight or an act of infidelity, then your mind will keep working on the minute details about the breakup until it finally realizes that whatever happened during the breakup was not as important as what happened during the relationship.
How was your life before you met your ex?
This has a direct relation with how you handle breakups. Chances are, if you were a happy person before the relationship, it will be easier for you to go back to that happiness after the breakup.
A lot of times, people get into a relationship to avoid facing the pain and issues inside them. And when the relationship ends, they are again left to face that pain. If that’s you, then it might take a while to get over the breakup, but in the end it will be worth it.
How do you deal with loss?
The way you deal with loss is definitely the most important factor when it comes to the speed of recovery. Some people take everything personally and blame themselves constantly for what happened. On the other end of the spectrum, people just blame everything on their ex and build up resentment inside them. Some people just blame everything on the nature of the opposite sex which eventually leads to the doom of their next relationship.
Even though everyone goes through the grief period, what matters is how you come out of it. If you come out the other side with resentment, hate, or self-pity in your heart, then you are not really over the breakup. On the other hand, if you deal with the loss without blame and looking at things the way they really are, you are probably going to do recover a lot faster and in a healthy way.