When you are asking for closure, what exactly are you expecting? Is it something like this?
I need to know if my ex still loves me. I think if I just know his feelings about me, I will get closure.
My ex was with me for 3 years. She said that she loved me and will always be with me. I have to know what happened that she went from “I Love You” to “I want a divorce”. I asked her this question but it just led to an argument. I need an answer to get closure.
I just want to tell my ex how I feel right now.
I think my ex owes me an explanation
Do you think answering these questions will lead you to closure?
Most people think of “getting closure” as something that will happen which will immediately close this chapter in their life and move on.
The mind which is in pain is expecting something to happen that will just ease all the pain, stop all the questions, and bring you at peace with the breakup. It could be either some vague incident, a sign from above, or a scene including the ex. Sometimes, you think you know what will bring you closure, sometimes you don’t. But every time, you are hoping for something to happen which will give you this closure.
If you think of closure as something that will happen in your life which will immediately help you forget everything, then you are just setting yourself up for more misery.
The fact is, you get closure with time, by doing your grief work and understanding yourself and your past relationship. There is nothing your ex, or anyone else can do which will give you closure.
Contacting your ex, in hopes of getting closure is only going to get your more confused. In most cases, when you contact your ex, in hopes of getting closure one of the following happens.
– Your ex doesn’t answer your call or text. Which usually makes you feel rejected.
– Your ex answers your call but refuses to answer your questions. You are just making a fool of yourself demanding answers that they are not willing to give.
– Your ex gets defensive and attacks back. Leading to an argument, which obviously doesn’t make you feel better.
– Your ex answers you but it doesn’t give you closure. Because that answer just leads to more questions. And you repeat the whole process again.
It doesn’t matter what answers your mind is seeking. It’s not going to be satisfied until you do your grief work and understand yourself. Closure can only come from inside you. Not from something that will happen outside.(Note: If you think that getting back together will help you get closure, check out my article on how to get your ex girlfriend back.)
But it’s not easy to shut down the thoughts and the questions. Here is a simple exercise you can do right now, to let it all go. Go down to the comments section and write down the scenario you were hoping which will give you closure. And at the end write “I know even if this happens, it will not give me closure. Closure will come from inside me, not from something that will happen outside.”