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How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If YOU Broke Up With Her

It’s one thing when your girlfriend dumps you and you feel like you want her back. It’s an entirely different story when you dump her and you realize you have made the biggest mistake of your life. This article is meant specifically for guys who regret breaking up with their girlfriends and want her back.bad decisoin

Note: This article is a supplement article to the main guide on how to get your ex girlfriend back. If you haven’t read it already, read it. It’s the best free resource on the Internet for getting your ex girlfriend back.

The Reason You Broke Up

OK, you just realized that breaking up with her was a big mistake. You want her back in y our life but it seems that she has moved on and there is no way she will agree to give you another chance. Well, the good news is you have a chance (a pretty good one at that) to get your ex girlfriend back even if you broke up with her; but before we continue, there is something that you should think about.

What was the reason you broke up in the first place? If she is so great, and she is so amazing, why did you decide to end the relationship? Were you not happy with her? What guarantee you have that you will not feel the same again and break up with her again?

happy couple

Do you really see yourself in a long and happy relationship with this girl?

If there is even the slightest possibility that once you get her back, you will have the same problem as before, then you are better off trying to move on. More importantly, if this girl is not right for you, you should leave her alone. She will be much happier in her life if she moves on and finds someone who is right for her. What is the point of seducing her, getting her back in your life, making her fall in love with you and then again breaking her heart?

Not only that, is it worth it putting yourself through everything again? The fact is you had this girl once in your life and you let her go. If you had been truly happy with her and you knew she was the perfect girl for you, you wouldn’t have broken up. Why bother trying to get her back only to realize that she is not the perfect girl for you.

Could it be Just Panic?

Here is a very common scenario.

You break up with your girlfriend (for very legitimate reasons). She begs you not to do it. She pleads and tells you that she loves you. You say you don’t want to be with her and it’s best that you both move on. She continues calling you and texting you. You try to ignore her but you still talk to her and you know that she will be with you if you just say the word.

Then one day, she stops calling. She doesn’t text as much anymore. When you call her, you don’t hear the desperation in her voice anymore. You can feel that she is trying to move on. Then suddenly, she doesn’t pick up your calls either. In fact, she tells you that she has decided to move on and she thinks that breakup was the right thing to do.

breakup panic

You never really thought you will also have to go through the breakup pain. And now that you are, you are mistaking it for love.

Your mind starts to panic. By now, you can’t remember the reason you decided to breakup with her in the first place. Even if you do remember, you convince yourself that it’s not a big deal and you can fix it. You can’t remember any of her bad qualities. The only thing you can think about is how much wonderful, amazing and beautiful she was. You only concentrate on her good qualities. You are panicking. You are realizing that you are going to lose her forever. You start thinking that breaking up was a mistake. You want to get her back before she moves on.

This scenario is actually your mind panicking. Earlier, even though you broke up with her, you never really lost her. You never really let her go. She was still holding on to you and she was still not over you. And knowing she wasn’t over you made you feel comfortable. Even though you broke up with her, you still had her. But now, that she is slipping away from your grip, you are coming to the horrible realization that she is moving on. This made your brain panic and you started going through the phases of grief that everyone goes through after a breakup.

If the above situations rings true with you, then I want you to know that this feeling you have right now is not going to last. It’s just a phase of grief and it will pass. However, if you decide to reconcile during this phase, you will soon realize that it was a mistake and again break up. So, instead of rushing into things, just wait till this feeling of panic subsides and you can see things more clearly.

The Best Way To Get Her Back If You Broke With Her

Now, once you’ve decided that you want to get her back because you sincerely believe that both of you can have a long and happy relationship together, then you should go ahead and try to reconcile.

If you are reading this article, then I suppose you’ve already tried talking to her and she is not interested in getting back together. This DOES NOT MEAN that she has moved on. However, it does mean that she is in the process of moving on and she will not get back with you unless she finds a good enough reason to do so.

The best thing to do right now will be to start the no contact rule. Don’t contact her for a few days. Basically, you want to follow everything mentioned in this article. Stay away from her for a while; work on yourself; and then start the re-attraction process.

Getting back together if you broke up with her is no different than the other way around. The only thing you need to think about is whether or not you want her back for the right reason.

{ 160 comments… add one }
  • Pablo January 11, 2014, 6:35 pm

    Hey kevin
    I broke up with my girlfrien and we took clases together being broke up. Its been about 6 to 7 months till this day. These months have given me alot to think about, about a lot ofmmistakes in the relationship were my fault. She is seeing another guy, and I’m jealous, I really miss her. I did all the things you said not to do, thats before reading this article. She says that im confused and that its better if don’t even talk at all. So I’ve kept it that way. I haven’t contact her since January 3. Do you think there is still hope or chance that she might still feel something towards me? What would you do in this situation? I don’t feel desperate, I can do the waiting, we study in the same university, we are in the ame major and the chances are that we will be meeting again in some future. I’ve been talking to other girls and well going out with my friends, deleted her from facebook. I don’t know what else to do. She has been seeing this guy for about 3 months, thats the part that worries me.

  • Jared January 26, 2014, 10:58 am

    Pablo give it a little more time she will text you back maybe on you’re birthday or holiday or just asking a question but in reality she will want you back trust me my ex she said we should stop talking a while back but then she started talking to me again and so i started to sweet talk her and now everyday she tells me how she is inlove with me and needs me.

  • Trevor January 31, 2014, 9:18 am

    Hey Kevin,
    My ex gf & I were in a relationship for more than 5yrs. I broke up with her bec she lied to me. She explained but I didn’t take her back. But now I feel devastated and the pain is killing. I want her back. We broke up last Dec and had some exchanges of txt messages but I don’t know how to tell her that I want her back. In fact, she’s already dating someone and I don’t know if she still wants to be with me. I’m afraid to be rejected and I can’t feel anymore if she still likes me or loves me. What’s the best thing to do? A lot of guys are also after her that’s why it’s driving me crazy too. Pls help me. Thanks.

  • josh February 21, 2014, 5:57 pm

    Hey Kevin I broke up with my girlfriend after 2 and a half years. The only thing is I just ignored her then spoke to her after three weeks. When I asked if she wanted to get back together she said no that to much has happened between us. I’ve done all the creepy thing I thought would work but haven’t. I go to Afghanistan in a few weeks and won’t be back for about three months. I know what I want know and I’m ready to settle down now. Do you think I stand a chance still.

    • Kevin March 3, 2014, 2:19 pm

      Yes, you do stand a chance. Contact her once before leaving. If she is still cold, then contact her after you come back.

  • Ed February 27, 2014, 8:16 pm

    Hey Kevin,
    Starting in October, my girlfriend took a three month trip to out of the country to help her mom while she was sick. She came back at the end of January, but while she was gone a lot of things happened in my life, and I kind of had a mental break down and broke up with her through an email. We have talked since, but she met this guy while she was away, and he is now staying here for a while and they are in a relationship. She told me that “she just needs to do her” for now and that she was 99% positive we would be back together eventually but I dont know what to do. I want her back. We were together for almost 3 years and talked a lot about a future together with marriage and what not, but I am afraid and jealous of the guy she is seeing. He has strong feelings for her. But he is only here for three months I believe. Can you help me?

    • Kevin March 2, 2014, 1:06 pm

      I think you need to apply limited contact. Only answer if she calls you and start making some positive changes in your life.

  • driss March 2, 2014, 12:44 am

    after 4 YEARS of happy relation even we live far,she said she want to move on and she find someone treat her like i do love her like i do…and i dnt know why? its almost 2 month i try everything to get her back
    i really love her and i want her back as soon as possible

    any help


  • Moe March 6, 2014, 5:29 pm

    Hey Kevin,

    I’m in a deep rut here and I could use some advice. I broke up with my ex 2 months ago during a very bad time in my life. It was a rash decision and I felt like I want her back, however there was a long term future problem underlying our relationship. Problem is I contacted her 3 times since then every 2 weeks. The second time I said our relationship was a waste of my time becasue I felt she was very cold. The third time I apologized, I told her I am improving myself and resolved the long term issue, and pleaded her to get back with me. She was colder and said that she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore, even when she sees me. I was very upset and the next day I told her that she is right, and that i broke up with her in the first place because I didn’t love her.

    Few weeks later and it seems I am still thinking about her. She has moved on but I didn’t. I am currently focusing on myself and my work, but I am still hoping that we can get back together. Is this even worth it or is this a hopeless case?

    Thanks Kevin for this article.

    • Kevin March 12, 2014, 8:43 pm

      Yes, it’s worth a try. Follow the advise in the article. Also read the other article on how to get your ex girlfriend back. All the best.

    • Jane June 16, 2014, 2:57 am


      You sound a lot like my ex.
      It’s not entirely impossible, just a lot of work needs to be done.

  • Pranay Thaosen March 10, 2014, 9:37 am

    But when will be the right time to end the no contact rule?

    • Kevin March 12, 2014, 7:33 pm

      One month.

  • filip March 13, 2014, 10:42 pm

    I had a relationship with my ex for 5 years. One year ago I find out that she had contact with other guy. She told me that they are only friend, after that I took her very tight. Always i asked her at where she was going and to who talking on the phone.
    But last January I told her to go out from my place. In two months she living with her class made, during these two months i did not contact her, but she called me and I answered sometime, they are a boyfriend and girlfriend now. But really i want her back. Today it was our monthsary, I gave her flower but she reject me, she asked me, why during two months i did not called her, or talk to her to tell her that i missed her. In the end she told me, she don`t want to be. She told also that she don`t love me any more. but still we calling each other. I invite her to eat out side but she don`t want.
    Can you give me any nice suggestion?

    • Kevin March 15, 2014, 12:24 pm


      Follow the advise in this article.

    • Milo May 7, 2017, 8:02 pm

      Hey Kevin me and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up about 6 weeks ago and she already has a boyfriend who she seems to be happy with I really want her and if your wondering yes I broke up with her

  • Dave March 16, 2014, 12:38 pm

    I dated this really amazing and kind girl for two years and then broke up with her last November. Our relationship was really the best one I ever had we had amazing sex, never fought each other, and always listened to each other. She fell very hard for me and though I loved her I wasn’t ready yet to be in a relationship that could be headed towards marriage. I acted slightly indifferent towards her for most of it though I always treated her the right way, and that put me in the driver’s seat. I became slightly unhappy wiith her because I was in Madrid and became interested in other girls while she was still in the US studying. The long distance became difficult and I decided that at age 22 (shes 20) I wasn’t ready for this mature relationship that both of us clearly could see heading somewhere into the future. I never cheated on her and she never cheated on me, but being a young man I really wanted to try some new things out.

    Anyway I broke up with her kind of suddenly in November and obviously by January I was pining to get her back when nobody could even come close to measuring up to her. We started talking again but I became almost obsessed with how much I needed her and just became way too desperate. I eventually calmed down enough to convince her we had a chance and she let me visit her. I visited her in March in London where she was studying and it became clear that she was not ready to be with me yet and I was unable to control my emotions and deal with the fact that she didn’t want to be as intimate and loveydovey and that we needed to start over again and that we were clearly in different places. After all this we decided to wait until the summer to start anew but we would be single for the time being.

    It’s clear that she still has a ton of feelings for me but something isn’t quite right. I told her that I can’t be friends with her and initiated no contact and i think to her that was like me breaking up with her a second time. Is no contact the right move if i want her back in the summer or should i continue light contact?

    • Kevin March 17, 2014, 5:25 pm

      If you want to do no contact, let her know that you need no contact for your mental peace and you need some space and time. I don’t think it will hurt your chances.

  • Arturo March 18, 2014, 3:13 am

    Hello, I dated my ex for four years, and we got to the point were I started thinking I could not give her the life she wanted, so I told her that and she decided to break it off, but before that she started telling me about a guy she was feeling a very strong attraction for. After a week of our relationship being over she started dating the guy and now she seems to be very happy. I really feel like I made a huge mistake by letting her go, and now I wonder if there is any chance I can get her back? what should I do?

    • Kevin March 18, 2014, 7:10 pm


      Apply the no contact rule. There’s a good chance it’s a rebound relationship. Read this article for more advise.

      • Arturo March 18, 2014, 10:57 pm

        I just heard from a friend that she introduced the guy to her parents and that they write to each other really mellow stuff on their facebook wall. Do you think that I still have a chance?

        • jimmy June 28, 2017, 9:40 pm

          nah man, you messed up

  • Peter March 21, 2014, 11:17 pm

    Hey Kevin I went out with my gf for seven months it was both our longest relationship and we fell in love with each other we broke up because of some family problems of ours and we called it quits we didn’t want to and when we did brake up she was still madly in love with me after tht we wanted to stay friends we were good for a while and we texted and saw each other everyday we were apart for six months untold then she told me she liked someone else and started dating him idk what do I really want her back bcus I’ve realized tht these last six months tht we weren’t together I’ve fallen even more In love with her than forget about her she’s with another guy and claims tht she’s moved on and tht I waited to long and tht I broke up with her I really love her and want to get her back do u think this method will help me out?

    • Kevin March 24, 2014, 4:55 pm

      Yes, it will increase your chances of getting back together.

  • Chad March 23, 2014, 6:16 am

    It’s been a couple of weeks since I broke it off with my girlfriend, sadly it is just shy of our two year anniversary. I met her while working and holidaying overseas and spent the better part of two years traveling the globe with her before having to return home to the other side of the world. With a visa in hand and a break from her career she decided to put a plan in action and move across to be with me, however we had up to a year distance before this would take place. This is where we deteriorated. Arguments were amplified by miscommunication and the pressure of not being able to see each other left us reeling and upset. We both loved each other so much and unfortunately were also at different stages of our lives. I wanted to move home and secure a future, she was hoping I would organise a passport to eventually move back with her in her home country. The pressure of this was immense and so the arguments continued and became frequent and petty. With 10 months to go until she could arrive on her year long visa I ended it. At the time of ending it wit her I was numb, I couldn’t feel a thing. She pleaded but I just couldn’t feel anything. A few days passed and I felt such a mixed-bag of emotions that I began to question whether I made the right decision. I believe I was panicked by the situation. Its only been a couple of weeks but I still miss her and often wonder whether if I eventually return to that part of the world, what would happen if our paths were to ever cross.

    • Kevin March 24, 2014, 4:42 pm

      Why don’t you contact her and see if she feels the same?

  • jason March 24, 2014, 8:06 am

    Jason. I was with my girlfriend for a year. We never even argued and every thing was good. I got to comfortable. We woukd still have sex but one day everything changed she stopped every thing and now has a boyfriend who gives her flowers and romantic. They been together seven months. She just wants to be my friend she said and sometimes I’ll try to make a move but she always say no. She will text me saying I can’t believe I was strung out over you this time last year out of know where but will laugh about it. Then she recently came to my apartment and we talked about the past and present for about three hours. We held each other and she even put my hands in her pants. It seemed like she was going to stay over. Then she hopped up and just left. I tried texting asking if I can get another chance, and she said there’s no way I will get another chance. Last but not least. She says she loves me. I broke up with her because I was going to move three hours away but I didn’t move. I want her back man. I have all these women and tried sexing all woman. But there’s no one like her.

    • Kevin March 24, 2014, 3:59 pm

      Well Jason, what is it about her that makes you want her this much? Are you sure you don’t just want her because she is rejecting you? Do you really see a long and healthy relationship with her? If so, start no contact and don’t contact her for 30 days.

  • John boje March 26, 2014, 12:12 pm

    my girlfriend broke up with me 8 days ago we was madly in love with each other she stop texting me the weekend before we broke up and when that Monday morning came around she said leave me alone and I don’t know what to do so can you please help me she blocked me a few days after because I was blowing up her phone and he blocked my Facebook as well and my email is there still a chance I put the no contact in place 3 days ago so do you think there is still a chance to get her back

    • Kevin March 28, 2014, 7:37 pm

      Yes, there’s a chance. Follow the advise in the article.

  • Mitchell March 27, 2014, 5:57 am

    Hey Kevin i broke up with my girlfriend a about 1 month ago we have had to work together in classes and i have had time to think about it and i don’t remember why i broke up with her i still like her but i believe she has moved on, may i still have a chance with her and if so what should i do?

    • Kevin March 28, 2014, 7:41 pm

      Yeah, you do have a chance. Follow the advise in the article.

  • jeydon April 3, 2014, 10:57 pm

    i left my ex girlfriend two days ago because of a april fools joke, but we also fight alot and i broke up with her plenty of times, i ruined it alot and also she just blocked me from both of my facebooks, before she did she said “well ill always love you no matter if were dating or not, ill block u so i dont reply byy”
    i said “okay i love you also and all right bye”
    what should i do?
    she relized she dont need me to be happy and she relized i made her miserable but i do miss her like crazy and it was a long distance relationship..

  • Matt April 16, 2014, 11:34 pm

    Hi Kevin,
    I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years 4 months ago (we also dated breifly 10 years ago). I had issues trusting her which made me scared to go all in on the love, which made her crazy, which pushed me away. It was a vicious cycle that I needed to break. I moved away and we still spoke and still love each other and talked about meeting up in a year when I was successful. She recently took on a boyfriend who she tells me she is absolutely crazy about and wants to have his children. I panicked, took a surprise flight home, wrote her a song, and told her how much of an idiot I was. She said that she had a boyfriend now. She said that she is not ruling out the possibility of meeting up with me in the future because she still loves me but she will not do it right now. She feared that my proclamations were merely a fearful reaction to her new situation. I said I understood. Our big problem was my lack of commitment, so I want to communicate that I’m ready for that but not in a desperate way. Any thoughts?

    ps thank you for your blog, it has kept me off the ledge.

    • Kevin April 18, 2014, 4:58 pm

      Hey Matt,

      The new boyfriend is probably a rebound and what she said to you was definitely to make you jealous. And it worked. She is in complete control right now. Follow the advise in the article. Start no contact.

  • Rick April 23, 2014, 5:16 pm

    Thank you for the article. This was exactly my situation. After I broke up with her there was that point where I knew she was going to move on and my mind just went crazy. I tried to convince myself that I had made a horrible mistake and actually felt very desperate. But when I go over the reasons that I broke up with her it sobers me up again. I have found that I need to focus on these reasons instead of the panic. Your article really helped. Thanks!

  • kafli May 8, 2014, 10:01 pm

    I broke up with my girl friend of 7 years, we were very happy. The reason we broke up I did not want to settle down with her, always thought she was not good enough. She loved me but I did not see that at the time. I took her for granted. One day she told me there is a guy interested in her.

    I ask her to meet him if she wants. She was hurt but did not meet up with him. A month later told me about the guy again, I told her the same. I travelled business trip for 5 weeks. she met up with guy while I was away. She called and told me that they were getting married. She moved with him. I was so upset how come she got married 4 weeks after she broke up with me. I regret that I did not marry her. I love her so much, I am trying to win her back.

    I contact her and told her I want her back She told me she does not love the man and she may leave him. She said she was going to call me to talk but she did not call. We have no contact for two weeks now. I want to send her an email asking her to decide what she want to do asap, because I am very hurt that she is with another man. I really miss her, I want her back. What should I do, should I wait for her to contact me. Why she has not call me for two weeks, I told how I wanted her back this time to marry her asap.

    • Kevin May 15, 2014, 4:56 pm


      I don’t think she will marry him if she doesn’t love him. If she does, she will be making a mistake and their marriage won’t last long. Just give her some time and space and she’ll probably come back.

  • Kafli May 16, 2014, 12:37 pm

    Thanx for reply. I contacted her on the first week, she admitted that she dose not love the man she said she can wait to fall in love again she is 32 yrs. I did not contact her for three weeks, I emailed her how I felt about her . I did not beg her to come back but mentioned that I love her and I had a chance I would take her back and marry her. She texted saying she will call the next day, but she has not called, now three days passed. I dont know what to do next, I dont want her to think that am available as an option. It seems to me that she is not interested. I dont know how to finish it. Should I call her and ask her or just send her a text saying am moving on and wish her the best. Thank you

    • Kevin May 21, 2014, 5:44 pm

      You shouldn’t have declared your love for her in the email. If you still want to pursue her, start no contact again and follow this guide.

  • Clive May 21, 2014, 4:57 am


    It’s been 3 days since I started the no-contact rule. I’m desperate and I can’t bear the pain but I’m doing all I can not to contact her. I don’t know what to do.

    It seems that now that I know about the ‘new guy’ she feels free to post more pics and fb updates with him. I know I wasn’t supposed to do that, but I read our fb messages since we broke up and it’s clear I’m not delusional, she said she loved me and missed me a few weeks ago, then she traveled with the ‘new guy’ on a holiday trip and we started to talk less, but still a few times a day.

    How can I be sure it’s a rebound relationship? Almost 6 months after I broke up with her I really think she is the one, actually I always thought she was, I just wanted to get ready for the possibility of getting married. Everything was fine, I feel that breaking up with her was a terrible mistake even though I was trying to think in the long term and knew that it was a tough call to make.

    It’s getting harder each day. I think I might losing her while I still have a chance, given the fact that she said she loved me recently.

    • Kevin May 21, 2014, 7:20 pm

      Hey Clive,

      You can’t be sure it’s a rebound. No one can. But chances are it’s a rebound if she told you she loved you a few weeks ago. No contact will help her realize that she still has feelings for you and her new relationship is not as great as she thought.

  • shakur May 23, 2014, 1:10 am

    Hi Kelvin
    I’m in a very good relationship with my ex way back and we both love each other very much, but suddenly I started ignoring her she begs, called and texts me but I wouldn’t pick or reply her texts, so she started coming face to face to tell me that if she turns her back at me that I will regret it but I didn’t say a word.
    when I travelled out to school I text her that it’s over between us in few weeks time she called me so I asked her who is this coz by then I have already deleted her number so she got annoyed and cut off the phone I didn’t bother to call back. That is how we ended.
    letter on I started missing her so much that I couldn’t do anything without thinking about her so apologised to and she accepted me back but we didn’t last before she told me that she didn’t love anymore she just wants to play games with me but she can’t do such thing to me
    so I let her be no contact for about a year we only chat on Facebook once in while, we are no contact mission when she travelled, when she returns she came to my house the next day we greeted each other and she left in 4 days time we met again and she ask us to exchange contacts which we did since then I have only called her once but she has never call me its almost getting to three weeks now we only chat on Facebook book and she normally comes to see once in a while.. Please kelvin I need your advice I don’t know what to do I still love her dearly

    • Kevin May 23, 2014, 5:57 pm

      Start texting her and then ask her out. Use the texts in this article.

  • Patrick May 25, 2014, 10:06 am

    Hi Kevin,
    thanks for the article, it gives me some courage to contact her again.

    I broke up with her for insignificant reasons last september. We had a great relationship for at least 3 years. From one day to the other, I decided to brake up with her. She didn’t really understod me and had plenty of good arguments not to brake up, but i wouldn’t not listen to her…
    Since march, she lives in Australia to learn better english and make some exams during this time. In 2 weeks, she will start to travel around with her family, and after that come back to switzerland in august to study at my university.
    We grew up in the same town, had the same education, worked together in the same company and will now study together at the same university.

    In the first time after i broke up with her, it was very easy for me not to think at her. At this time we worked together and have to see us every day at business.
    In december we had a business trip with all our employees an we could talk normally to each other. I started to miss our relationship, but never take any steps to win her back, because i still thougth that my decision to brake up was right.
    After the business trip, we didn’t talk much and in february she organized a “good-bye”-party. I asked her, if it’s possible that I may come, but she did not want me there. I realized, that she wasn’t over me at this time.
    In march, she flew to her language studies to australia. I hadn’t any chances to contact her since this time.

    Since early May, I remember permanently at her. I’ve thought a lot about it and I really want a relationship with her again.
    As already written I then had minor reasons for Breakup, and now I knew that I was the problem, not her.

    Do i have a chance to get her back? It’s also very complicated to contact her, because we have 10h time difference.
    I thought about writing a letter and hand them to her sister so that she can hand over the letter. Is this a good idea, or sould i text her?

    Thanks a lot!

    • Kevin May 30, 2014, 4:48 pm

      You do have a chance. You can use email instead of the hand written letter.

  • John May 26, 2014, 6:47 am

    Me and this girl went out for 6 months. We went to school together and now we’re in high school. Different ones though. Everything was going well until valentines day where we then broke up. Her reason was that she wasn’t happy anymore. I’m thinking it was my jealousy I got because she’s the type of girl that has guy friends but not too many. Now she has a boyfriend which she did mention when I was with her but just as a friend. It’s been 3 months and I really want a second chance with her. She misses me and all that and it’s been 3 weeks we haven’t talked. Her relationship with him it’s kind of up and down. She was almost going to break up with him but i don’t know. I Need help on what I should do to get that second chance because I really think she’s the one and I can’t stop thinking about her. What should I do Kevin?

  • Kafli May 30, 2014, 5:10 pm

    Hi Kevin
    In my last comment I mention to that I emailed her and I declared my Love to her. Waited for three days, I emailed her again but this time to tell her that I accepted the break up and wished her good luck in her new relationship. She contacted me immaterially and she said she will leave her man for me. We were in contact regularly and she was telling the steps she was taking to break up with her husband. She even told me that she was not sleeping with him. She was telling how much she was missing me and so on. They had holiday booked and she told him that she was not going with him and left him to stay with her friend until he decide to leave. But all of a sudden she text me in middle of the night and told me she decided to go on holiday with him and told me she will always going to love and so on and asked not to contact her any more. So where did I go wrong, was she playing me all this time or she got someone change her mind about me. Mind you the main reason I did not want to marry her in the first place was her past sexual history. I was not comfortable with it and she knows that, even now she mention to me that if I really will accept that she slept with her husband. The main thing that bothering me now is why did she change her mind in the last minute and decided to go on holiday with him. Now I have no choice but to move on with my life. Can you please tell where did I go wrong. Was she lying to me or her friends and family change her mind in last minute. May be she did not trust that I will accept the fact that she slept with someone else.

  • Rodrigo May 30, 2014, 9:21 pm

    Hey Kevin, I don’t think you got my comment, so I’m gonna try to write it again, really need your words right now.
    First of all, thank you very much for this blog, I’m from Brazil and finding this really helped me seeing things even though I’m still not over my ex.

    So, I still need some words from you, maybe you know what is the right thing to do.

    I’m 21 and have had 3 serious relationships. My last one lasted around 8 months, she was just like me in several ways, we had matching likes, she was pretty and the sex was good too, she was by far the girl that I’ve met that had most things and tastes like me, it was really nice. But since I started going out with her (about 3 months after my 2nd breakup), I wasn’t feeling the same I felt with my second relationship, it was missing something, that sparkle that makes you know you love that person, maybe I kept comparing her with the last one. So, because of that, we had a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship but I couldn’t let myself to go deeper, she tried to make things deeper, she loved me, but I was afraid of commiting myself too much to that relationship because I wasnt corresponding at that level, even though I liked her a lot.

    So, I decided to break up with her, because of that missing sparkle, but I never got in peace with that decision because we matched so well. She said she wanted to keep in touch, said it would help her go through, and I said ok, kept texting her almost every day. At first she was really down in the dumps, asking to try again, and to get back, but I kept saying I didn’t think we should, but always with doubt. So, 3 weeks after the breakup, we decided to see each other and see how things would go, and I accepted, we went on a “date”, but for some reason I was expecting that I would change my thoughts about this and it didn’t happen, I was still thinking it wasnt right because it was missing that thing, so I told her i think we shouldnt get back. And so I hurt her again, and I feel sorry for that, but we kept in touch. And so she started to move on, she wasn’t touching on the “us” subject anymore, but I was still there, filled with doubts in my mind, and seeing that made me go through what you describe as Panicking state of mind. I started overthinking too much, and feeling that I could have tried to go deeper in the relationship, and commited myself more, and I would have felt something for her, but now she was the one saying we shouldn’t get back, and that it was for the best, and that I would feel the love naturaly. So i got really bad, and the only thing I had left to do was to stop contact with her, and so I talked to her about this and she said ok because she wanted to help me.

    A week has passed since I started no contact with her, and yes, I’m feeling better than I was at first, but deep inside of me I still think I should be with her, we had our fauls, and I accept that, but I just don’t think I’m gonna find someone that good for me right now, with those matching interests, but I can’t let her down again, what if we get back and, even with me trying hard to make the relationship deeper, I still feel that sparkle missing?

    So I’m here to ask you if you think I made her a rebound relationship, because i kept comparing her with my ex? Does that mean I can’t love her? Do you think, now that i’ve think things through, that I should try to get back to her? And how could she get over me while still texting me and keeping contact?

    This text is a little bit larger than the original I posted but I hope you read it and reply me, please, it would help me a lot. Thank you Kevin.

    • Kevin June 3, 2014, 6:16 pm

      Yes, I think she was a rebound. But it doesn’t mean you can’t love her. Doing no contact will definitely help. However, if you still don’t feel any sparks after getting back together, you should know that it’s never going to happen and end it for good.

  • Matt June 4, 2014, 3:05 pm

    So I divorced me ex last September and before she moved out (she had 30 days per the divorce agreement). We started dating again before she moved out. In many ways some of the issues that brought on the divorce were no longer there. I have tried really hard not to focus on the small stuff and be romantic, just having fun together etc. I asked her to remarry me recently and she didnt say know but said she need some time. about 6 weeks later I brought it up again and stupidiously kind of gave her the ultimatum. She is in the process of moving out. I do want her back and am willing to wait on the marriage thing for a while but I have done the “needy , I was wrong dont move out, I want to back BS”. I realized that error about a week ago and before I started no contact. I then sent her one e-mail telling her how I feel but basically I think our relationship wants are different and that it was probably for the best. She still lives in the house and is in the spare room but I have avoided her as much as possible. She did reply to my message and told me she loved me etc but was confused and blah blah. I have not replied and she has texted me a couple of times for erroneous stuff. Asked for my help with a computer issue, asked me about a show in town (I gather to take the grandkids) she also texted me once about taking the dog for a run. I have seen her a few times but I am just polite and appear busy and its like “see you later” kind of thing. My question is what do I do when she texts calls or or e-mails me? I had a pattern when we were married of ignoring her when things were bad and it was a major issue to her, I dont want to seem like I am repeating that behavior. I am not sure if I should reply to e-mails, phone calls and texts or not as I want to make her miss me just not sure how to handle these.

    • Kevin June 4, 2014, 8:38 pm

      Hey Matt,

      If you want, you can tell her that you need some space and time and it’ll be best if both of you don’t talk to each other for a while. This way she’ll know you are not shutting her out out of anger but you are making a calm and rational decision to improve the quality of your life.

  • Rodrigo July 14, 2014, 4:09 am

    Hello Kevin!

    It’s been a while since my last post but I’m back here again because I need your help. I will ask you to read my story a couple of posts above because I don’t want to extend myself too much here.

    So, last time I updated here I was in no contact period and getting ready to get back in touch with her, just the way you advise us on your posts about texting her back. But before, I wanted to make sure I really felt love for her, and it turns out that I developed feelings for her, mainly because I was able to disconnect my mind from my other ex that made me make my recent ex a rebound relationship, so yes, i was sure that I loved her and was feeling good about contacting her back.

    One week before I texted her, there was a missing call on my phone from her, and after I asked about it, she said it was by mistake that she called me, I didn’t actually believed it but ok. So, one week later, i contacted her, it wasnt by letter, but by text, but I followed your advices just like if it was a letter. She was receptive and felt good about it, saying that she enjoyed that I was feeling good now and that I could talk to her if I needed some help. But I felt that she was kind of crass about it, she didn’t express much feelings. Anyway, I sent her a text about 3 days after, telling that i was listening to one of her favorite songs and that made remind me of her. Again, she replyied in a non emotional way, just telling how cool that song was, but I clearly noticed that she was different, but not in a good way in terms of getting her back.

    Some days later I called her to see if she wanted just to hang out, and talk about things (not sure if I was too antecipated here), and on the phone she kinda felt weird, and asked if it was just “as friends”, and I said that it was just to hang out and talk because it was always nice to talk to her, she said “ok” at first. But later on the night, she texted me telling that she didn’t think it would be a good idea because we used to date and it would feel weird. I didn’t understand, and told her it was just for fun, but she kept saying that she rather not do it, because she didnt want to disappoint me because she wasnt feeling the same way. So I asked her what was wrong and why was she treating me different, and really forced her into telling me the reason, and so she told me, she said that she hooked up with some guy and felt in love with him, but things wouldnt work out because he was back with his ex now and she was just upset about it.
    It was really bad listening to her saying that, and, eventually I started telling her by text why I wanted to go out with her and tell her how different I was and how I loved her, and that I fixed the reasons that made me broke up in the first place, and so on (i know it wasnt the right move, but I was really desperate at the moment), but she was just in denyal and i felt she hated me, telling me it was too late now, I had my chance and now its gone. And so that was our last conversation, it ended up with me telling her to be happy even though I wanted her to be happy by my side, and she telling me that she wanted to see me good, and that I would find love away from her.

    So, it’s been almost 3 weeks from that last conversation, we stopped contact, but I’m still in love with her, even though Im trying to get better, sometimes everything just brings me down again, and I blame myself for breaking up with her in the first place. I keep thinking that someday she will get some sense in her head and understand me.

    The thing is, it’s her birthday on september and I was planning on giving her a gift and a letter, not telling about my feelings, but about the good memories that I had with her and how I wish the best for her in her life. I think of this as my last try to make her see how I’m good for her, even though I don’t think it can be the best thing to do.

    So, the reason I’m here is to hear from you if I should do it or just do it in a different way? Do you think there is still a possibility of us getting back together? Or is it just my mind hoping for something that’s ended for good?

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 3:41 pm

      Hey Rodrigo,

      There’s a chance but it’s very very slim. I think you will be better off concentrating your time and energy in moving on instead of making one last attempt. Sorry for being the bearer of bad news.

  • Thomas July 17, 2014, 10:57 am

    Kevin I broke up with girlfriend my 1st relationship only because u felt she didn’t want to spend time with me I was staying over most nights just sleeping May I add then we had abit of an argument about me lending Moey to a friend in need …. A few weeks later I I said I don’t think I can do tho anymore and I think the best thing do do would be to end it thinking she will ask me to come round and talk that backfired she’s ignoring me I really don’t know what to do in ment to be going out next week with some friends and found out she’s going to be out to if I see her flirting I don’t think I could hack it I really do love her and her kids I just don’t want to lose her
    Many thanks if you reply 🙂

    • Kevin July 17, 2014, 5:01 pm


      Expect to see her with someone. And don’t overreact. It was your first relationship. I will recommend you use this opportunity to date some other girls. Do NC for at least a month. And if you still want her back after that, contact her. You can find more in this guide.

      • Thomas July 17, 2014, 11:46 pm

        Thanks for the advice defo will take it on I have one more problem I’m going out next Friday to the same place as my ex what do I do shall I ignore her and her friends or be polite ??? I have told her how I feel and her friends say she’s silly for ignoring me I’m the nice boyfriend they have none to be with her I’m in a total head fuck lol thanks again

  • Rodrigo July 17, 2014, 10:51 pm

    Hey Kevin. I’m not sure if you read my comment two posts above, but you didnt reply it. I really could use your help right now, and I would apreciate a lot if you could answer it.


  • Marko July 23, 2014, 12:28 am

    Hello Kevin,
    Iv got a long messed up story but ill try to keep it short.. I met a girl away last december, it was my last days of travel before retruning home from christmas.. and it didnt seem too serious,, just fun at the end of a trip.. anyway, when i got home , we kept in touch every day,joking and talkin silly the whole time, i wish i had stayed away travelling as i was at home but my mind was away for the entire month. When i returned to my trip after christmas she talked about coming to visit some time in feburary , and i couldnt wait to meet..
    when i was back travelling i really fecked up.. i ended up meeting someone else who somehow i felt amazingly close to immediatly, and we were honest right away about how we felt and id never expierenced a person telling me so strongly how they felt.. and comparing it to the 1st girl it seemed alot truer.. so immediatly i went to inform the 1st girl not to come to my city anymore if its just for me,, only if she wants to visit for other reasons , but my situtation had changed…
    UNfortunatly my message was too late , and my timing couldnt have been worse,, she had decided to come 3 weeks early to surprise me! (which i would have loved until my mind messed up meeting the 2nd girl, who nothing happened with yet) so i talked with girl 1 and explained how me and girl 2 had been more honest about feeling and girl 1 left the next day. ( though in our talk , we ended up being honest too about feeling,, a bit too late.. )
    Girl 2 stayed but for some reason was never the same after the stress i went through meeting and sort of breakin up with girl 1.. probably mostly me not knowing how to handle it.. but after all, girl 2 ended up to not be that interesting and we couldnt joke and enjoy the same way i had remembered the christmas holidays…
    If i could go back to when i made my stupid decision to try have a relationship with girl 2 over girl 1 ,, i wish i had though more about the time we had communicated and not only the fact that we met sort of in a crazy rush, not seeming so romantic..
    Just i guess its been about 5 months since iv communicated with girl 1 and is it a bad idea to write her a message now after all that has happened.. leave it a bit longer before sending an apology or try ?

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 4:23 pm

      No point in waiting any longer. Don’t send an apology. I suppose you already apologized while breaking up with her. So that’s enough. Just get back in touch.

      • Sérgio Pereira July 25, 2014, 5:34 pm

        We were speaking a week ago but then she asked me to go to Facebook and she said I did a lot of harm and that we should not be speaking, she said that if I had urges then I will always have them. But that is not true, no other woman makes me feel like she does, I was her first REAL man and the first she presented to her whoooole family, and the same applies to me. I know for a fact that a friend d of hers told me that she’s always eager to get a message of mine but when she does she doesn’t reply.

  • jack July 29, 2014, 8:47 am

    Hi Kevin

    I’m really enjoying reading your relationship articles and they’re helping me think a lot clearer about my own relationship problems/opportunities.

    I would like to share my story with you and others.

    I was instantly attracted to and became extremely fond of a girl I met nine months ago. We bonded quickly and started hanging out almost every day and were getting really close and more intimate. Then out of the blue, after one month, she told me she wanted to make a serious go of her relationship with a boyfriend she has in another country. I knew about the guy but her close interactions with me and her indication that her other relationship was fizzling out made me go ahead with investing myself emotionally into our relationship. I was heart broken! Anyhow, we went our separate ways. She went off to visit him and I got on with my life – dating other girls! About three months later she tells me she’s ended it with her boyfriend and makes clear signals she wants to be in my life again, imploring me to take it slow, though, because she’s still grieving over the loss of her boyfriend and she needs time. Well…it felt like I had won the lottery!!! It was full on and intense from the word go – no holding back! But gradually things began to sour because of her emotional state. She was very clingy and needy but at the same time couldn’t commit or express her feelings for me. Just kept telling me to slow down – we were pulling along at different speeds. I wanted everything yesterday and she needed to grieve the loss of her last lover and remove him from her dreams.

    I absolutely adore this woman and would give her the world if I could. She knows I would do anything for her and to make the relationship work because I’ve been so open about my feelings for her right from the start. I want a loving, committed relationship, but she finds it hard to commit to any man and seems scared of losing her freedom and independence. She talks regularly with lots of passion about her future goals where there seems to be no place for me. She says she loves me and has feelings and i try to believe her but something has always felt very wrong and unsafe. My doubts, fears and insecurities about her inability to commit to me have resulted in me breaking up with her a few times and then trying to get her back. The last time i did this was in the middle of a holiday and she reacted badly and has since said she can’t take anymore and that we should move on. I’m cool about letting her go but she really is a great girl and we’re mostly great together. Should I man up and get over my own fears and insecurities about her lack of commitment and allow her to come to me in her own time (like she requests) while running the risk that she may never come? And that’s on the pretext I’m able to win her back. But I’m not sure if she was just using me on the rebound because she knew I’d open my arms to her or whether there was some genuine feeling there – something tangible to work with. Well…the old relationship has gone now anyway so will just go no contact and work on myself and emotional state and see what happens.

    Would appreciate some insight or advice…


  • Kenneth July 29, 2014, 2:51 pm

    I’ve been broken up with my ex for over 5 months…the reason I broke up with her was because I didn’t know if I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life…then weeks after I started being with this other girl…but I realized she wasn’t what I wanted so I left her…I tried to get my ex back a few times but she kept saying move on…so now I’m in no contact and she’s contacted me twice (she text my phone and on snapchat) but I just ignored her…she likes another guy right now and I want her back…..Is there a chance?

  • Chaz August 2, 2014, 6:54 am

    I fell really hard for this girl and she fell hard for me and this was going great tell i thought that the loving feelings was gone and i broke up with her. She texted and called me all the time for a few weeks but i rarly talked to her. Then she stopped and said she had moved on and tht she didnt miss me anymore. And a few weeks after that shes talkin to my bestfriend that ive known for 16 years and its been killin me ever sence we broke up to try to get back with her.

    Any help?


  • Nathan August 7, 2014, 4:49 am

    Hey Kevin,

    I broke up with my gf of 4 and a half years about 2 months ago but I kind of regret it. I told her that I wanted to see other people, but really I needed some time and space away to reboot myself. I found out a month after I broke up with her she was seeing some guy. I talked to her a month after they started talking and told her I wanted to get back together but she rejected me. I tried everything, handwritten letters, flowers at her doorstep, and sweet messages but she still didn’t take me back. She says she enjoys her time with him and he treats her right, but I know I can treat her better and that I’ve changed for the better.

    Is there anyway you can help me get her back??

  • Dominic August 23, 2014, 9:28 pm

    Kevin me and my ex were dating for a little over a year year but I broke up with her because she never opened up to me she always remained so closed and shut me out. However i realized i made some mistakes in the relationship they werent major but all the minor problems that got in the way. After the break up she told me that she thought it best if we didn’t talk. She started dating this other guy which made me jealous and realize how much i miss her. Later she broke up with him after a few months and i want her back we are slowly starting to talk again but I don’t know what to do. Do you believe I still have a shot at getting her back?

  • Andy August 28, 2014, 2:26 am

    Hey Kevin,

    I have almost exactly the same situation as Nathan above – broke up with my girlfriend after 4.5 years because I wanted to see other people. She had always been the one that made all the efforts, after 4 years I told her that I wanted to go on a break. We tried to make it work for another 6 months but then went on a full ‘break (i.e. seeing other people). After two months apart I told her I wanted her back but she said she needed time to think (she was in a different country returning in 2 months and would see how she felt when she got back). It turns out she had started seeing someone else.

    It’s now been just over 7 months since we split. She was always concerned about my lack of commitment – she always made it clear she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me but I never did. So I wrote her a letter and told her how I feel a few times to her face. In person I don’t think I’ve come across too needy – a little but not been too bad – and always made sure we had a laugh to start with to remind her of why. However I think I’ve come across quite needy when trying to speak to her – she’s not responded much.

    She’s told mutual friends that this guy isn’t serious – just a bit of fun – but they’ve been together almost 6 months now. Is it too late, have I come across too needy already?


  • Kyron August 28, 2014, 1:49 pm

    Hi Kevin, 5 weeks ago I packed my things and left my girlfriend of 17 months, we’d been living together for a year. I got into a complete brain fried state thinking she didn’t love me and made an irrational decision to leave, I knew I’d made a mistake the same night. I know we’d had a few communication problems but I also am 100% sure now that I do love her. She is having none of it and says she doesn’t feel the same way about me and she can’t trust what I say to her because of the way I left and hurt her and her son whom I also love as if he were my own. I did the usual stupid things in the beginning but have now been in n/c for nearly 2 weeks because she was getting really annoyed with me contacting her. For the record we talked about marriage and me adopting her son before it all went wrong, I have proposed to her since we broke up and I truly mean it. She had problems with men treating her badly in previous relationships. I just don’t know what to do as I really am in love with her, I always have been, I just got myself all wound up and in a mess for no real reason. I’d really appreciate your help with this, thank you.

    • Bas October 26, 2016, 9:29 pm

      I am in the exact same position. I was at her door yesterday with flowers but did not even bother opening the door. Haven’t proposed to her but I do want to marry her. I sent her texts and really opened up to her. Her stuff and the kids stuff are still mostly here and she says she wants rest does not even pick up here phone and lives in a shitty situation at her mom s house. While she could be here with me I made a mistake breaking up it was the jealousy of here being secretive with her phone. She needs time she says and she says that she was already In bed at 20.00 while it is vacation for the kid. She might be even lying about being there at all.

  • Alex August 30, 2014, 10:36 pm

    My girlfriend broke up with me because she didnt like i didnt trust her at a party and when I used to play around with her she used to get mad. We havent seen each other for two months in the summer because her mom caught me at her house without permission.She told me she didnt feel the same for me like before.She then text me saying lets leave things here because i dont want anything anymore.So When school started i try talking to her she said no that she was hungry and wanted to eat and didnt want to talk.Since the first day of school in august she always sits behind me in lunch and one day she hugs a friend then looks at me but i wasnt paying attention two of my friends siting infront of me saw her.She sents me a picture then blames her sister did it.Yesturday a boy quickly kiss her on the lips then when he went for a second one she said no and put her hand to tell him to stop.I Did the no contract rule Its been two weeks i havent talk to her or give her attention what do you think? Kevin? Is there a chance to be back?

  • david September 11, 2014, 7:19 am

    hi kevin

    i broke up with my girlfriend of 18 months 5months or so ago, and have been spending a lot of time and anergy trying to get her back since. we went to some couples counselling. i made quite a few of the mistakes that are said not to, but we were seeing each other regularly and becoming more friendly and relaxed. she was very sceptical of me and said maybe we would never get back together. there was no progress romantically at all, but i felt that relations were at least cordial. then after a couple of expressions of doubt on my behalf about commitment during the counselling process, she suddenly told me by email she needs a clean break and please not to contact her again. now i am in the grief process and wondering if i have any chance at all if i just leave it a while and just sort myself out.

  • Mohamed September 12, 2014, 4:17 am

    Next week is supposed to be a year with my girlfriend. I decided to break up with her this past summer. We had so many great memories like went on a trip to Italy. When we came back from Italy she changed and started to shun away. She told me she needed space but I was afraid to lose her and never gave her the space. All the sudden one day I seen her with another guy in her house I fronted her and blocked her from everything, she then came back crying to me saying she didn’t cheat on me and she really loved me and everything but I think it was lies. She then changed after I gave her another chance, and started to love me again. One day I found the real truth on her phone in fact that she didn’t wNt to be with me during the time period when she shunned away from me. I got very mad and decided to buy a ticket and go on vacation on my own. I never told her I was leaving until the day of my flight. While I was on vacation I posted something on social media about her cheating on me. Her friends started to call me all sort of names. Whe I was gone alone I started to feel that I really missed her. I was gone for 6 weeks. I want to get back with her but she doesn’t want that and said she will never ever forgive me what I have done. Any suggestions on what I can do so she can forgive me and get back with me thank you.

  • Tony September 14, 2014, 9:28 pm

    I was with my ex wife for 13 years. After we ended our relationship I tried to take things slow (never played the game before). After nine months I met someone by accident. She was beautiful, young, smart, funny, sexual and I really liked her. We dated for over a year with a few hiccups along the way. I would start getting too close and push her away but it only lasted a day or two and she would always let me back. I would make up reasons why I couldn’t be with her and it was always just things in my head. I finally broke up with her last November for what ever reason, since then every month or so we would contact each other and try “one more time.” Every time neither one of us would give it our all. During that time I started realizing I wanted to get married again and have another child but I was scared to do it with her. I messaged her three weeks ago and for the first time I didn’t get a response back, last week was my birthday and all I wanted was a text from her which I ended up getting. I tried to play it cool however I was wanting to tell her I miss her and still love her. I tried to end the conversation quickly but she wouldn’t let me, she kept asking if I was okay. Finally I gave in and told her I was not, shortly after she told me she was seeing someone and she was happy. She had dated but this is her first relationship since me. I don’t know if it was the panic or the opening of my eyes and realizing I love this woman but I had lost her. It may have been a combination of both but I knew that minute I wanted, needed her back. For the next three days I did everything I could to convince her that I was sincere with my feelings but nothing was working. On the third day I got the message that we needed to stop talking and texting. I made it three more days before giving in, I still wanted to be with her but I thanked her for not taking me back because it allowed me to finally open up about my feelings towards her. That night she broke up with her guy and we were going to try to be back together, I thought. Two days later he is fighting for her and shes confused, she needs to try this other relationship first and its not our time. So we continue talking, she says we are soul mates and she knows its god’s plan for us to be back together someday but now is not the time. After a few days as hard as it is we decide to just be friends, I decide its a horrible idea but I have to be around her to show her I’ve changed and to build our relationship the right way. We lost our friendship somewhere along the way, which ended up hurting our relationship. I love this girl, I want to marry her and give her the life she deserves. Your articles have really helped but I don’t see me doing all the things especially the no contact. I was a total mushy needy guy trying to get her back, I cried (a lot), I begged and I confessed my love every two minutes. Im at a complete loss of what I need to do. If you can help thank you in advance, obviously there is way more to our story

  • susie Q September 18, 2014, 6:15 am

    Boys move on its over!

  • justin September 22, 2014, 10:28 pm

    Hey kevin
    Im justin and i broke up with my ex gf about a month or so ago we had a pretty ok relationship. We got along great we had fun but i got scared to move forward with her besides being her bf she wanted to be serious and at the time i wasnt so sure thats what i wanted i had a ex gf ruin my life before i got with this other girl. Long story short i didnt want to get hurt so i ended on a stupid reason and now im full of regret because i do really care for her and now shes with a new guy. I have accepted shes gone and no longer mine but i want her back. I realized once i lost her that i was wrong for leaving her i did want those things like kids and marriage just not now. I let fear of another bad relationship ruin mine and now shes gone so how do i get her back? Kinda seems hopeless! ive cut all communication she even blocked me on facebook. She sees my snapchat storys but thats about it any advice?

  • bay September 22, 2014, 10:55 pm

    hey.. ive been going out with my girlfriend for almost 3 months now but i broke up with her twice without thinking the damage ive dealt on us. I really want her back and it’s been a day since i talked to her. Ive made the biggest mistake of my life for breaking up with her for the stupidest things…. I regret it so much. When i viewed her story on snapchat she seems happy. I am attending a military school right now but i am coming back in November and graduating in December. I’ve apologized so many times last night but she said sorry doesn’t work anymore. I asked her if she wants space but she said no. If only i didn’t blow up on her yesterday everything would’ve been fine. What do i do Kevin? I really want her back

  • Orson September 24, 2014, 3:11 pm

    I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months because I wasn’t really over my ex of 10 years. I just wanted to have back what I had before and felt comfortable to me, so I broke up with my new girl, went back to my ex and it was a disaster from day 1. We broke up a week later.
    Now I look at the new girl I dumped unceremoniously for my ex, and see her clearly. She is smart, happy, positive, funny and beautiful. She is always improving herself. She is passionate and very sexual. And she loved me, a lot. I feel like the world’s biggest idiot. I told her to move on and she did. She has a new boyfriend, of course, because any man would snap her up in a second. I feel like I have ruined my life. Do I have any chance of getting her back after I dumped her and made her feel like just a second choice?

  • Ed September 25, 2014, 4:56 pm

    Hi Kevin,
    Thank you very much for such a nice and helping Blog.

    I wonder what you would suggest in the situation which is very non- ordinary. In fact, what if your ex broke up with you because she finds you very attractive but is very insecure and said she didn’t believe that i loved her, and that she suffered too much because of that (from her own demons and paranoia which are nothing to do with me).
    We saw each other only twice and spent 2 weeks together during which she showed me a lot of fears and insecurities.
    Her last email she has just said “its time to say goodbye” and no matter what i did after, texted, emailed, called, i even flew up with a friend in her city but she has never answered my calls.
    Now I have only her email and text, we are at the Long Distance now and i don’t know how to approach her since she doesn’t answer to me. I have all her phone numbers but i’m too “afraid/hesitated” to call since she ignores my email/texts.

    Last time we spoke on the phone it was when i was in her city ( 1 month ago),
    then i contacted her by email/some texts only (no calls) and stopped contacting her at all since 5 days ago.

    Is there any “hope” to get back in touch with her? Thanks!

  • Anthony Joseph October 1, 2014, 6:32 am

    Hey kev i read the steps and the article.. me and my ex broke up in May this year after a long year of being together. I was her first meaning the first guy to take her Virginity and everything. We broke up because she became too clingy and controlling and i would be at work. I just need space and my freedom and thats how i felt at the time.. the next day she had said to my family that she was over me and she moved on. It really made me mad so i said alot of hurtful things towards her. And about two weeks ago i realized i made a mistake leaving her when she was good for me. I felt smothered thats all.. i tried seeing her and she looked at me and walked away. I even texted her and called her and havent received a thing back. Its been four months. I been crying alot for two weeks regretting everything i put here through and the things I’ve said. I even put a ring on her finger because i was that sure. I feel like i have no hope. What should i do?

  • Jake October 2, 2014, 8:04 pm

    Kevin, Someone, Anyone,

    My ex and I were together for over three years. We met working at the same bar and that’s how we got together. Not long after we got together, I left that bar for another that was across town. While working across town, I eventually moved in with her and just made the commute. No big deal. Eventually, we are both basking in success with our jobs that we put our money together and build a brand new house together. We had been a couple for a couple years by then. After less than a year after moving into our new home, I decide that I don’t want to be with her anymore. I devastate her by saying that I still lover her but I’m not IN love with her anymore.

    We have been broken up for 4 years now. We share ownership and possession of our two dogs. At first we did this about every 2 weeks, but now we do the dog exchange about every 2-3 months. We have stayed in contact the whole time never going more than a couple months without communicating somehow. Lately the communication has picked up and she even called me in the middle of the night crying about a personal issue. I know she still loves me and I love her too, but I think I never truly fell out of love with her.

    I have been doing a lot of self reflection over these past 4 years during our separation and have realized a bunch about me that I need to work on. During this exploration of myself, I have dated 2 girls. I could not be with either of them because I kept trying to compare them to my ex and none of them measured up. I have come across a lot of different people in the last 4 years of my life, and in my total of 31 years, NOBODY measures up to her.

    Since we have been communicating more, and the conversations have been longer, and for deeper subject matter again, I have been regaining feelings for her. I fear that it took me too long to put everything together and for me to grow up more. I am not sure, but she may be seeing someone else now. I know she had a brief relationship with someone we knew after we initially broke up, but she may have found someone else now.

    I never wanted to get married throughout my twenties. All the divorce around the country and my parents splitting after 28 years of marriage, I said not me. I’ve been living like a coward. In my 30’s, I am back in college and doing something with my life. I feel like settling down with the right woman, but no other woman is comparing to my ex. As soon as I try to start a conversation with someone else, I’m losing interest. I enjoy talking to my ex. She know’s me better than anyone else. She was young and imperfect when we were together and I was worse. I had a bad temper and would yell a lot. I never laid a hand on her or any woman for that matter so don’t assume I went to that Ray Rice-like state. Bottom line is I know she is the one, and I will do anything and everything I can to make it up to her for the rest of our lives. We had a history, a bond I have felt with no one ever in this world, but for some reason, I through it all away. I was too stoned back in those days and have cleaned up my act. I only hope it’s not too late. Is it too late? What can I do to win her back and prove to her that I am a better man than before. I made plenty of mistakes and learned from most of them. This mistake is the biggest and worst ever and I hope that these past 4 years haven’t been too long for me to realize it. Any advice would be great. Thank you.

  • Chad M. October 6, 2014, 1:53 pm

    I broke up with a girl I dated for 6 weeks. Her online profile said she wanted to take things slow. She said she had a fast moving relationship that crashed and burned quickly just a month before we met. I told her that I was cool with taking it slow. I didn’t realize taking it slow meant one date per week with little affection. The dates were amazing. We would spend entire days on my boat. But during the week I never saw her. She has several commitments during the week in the evenings that she wont skip. But even on the nights she was free she would go to her parents or do something else. She wouldn’t text me until it was to late to make plans. I was driving me crazy because I was free. She is the busy one. After about five weeks of little kissing, time together and affection, she asked me to go to a wedding with her. Then the weekend after that to her birthday/Halloween bash. She would say stuff like I miss you sometimes or some sweet things. We texted daily and we were dating exclusively as far as I know. But I was starting to feel like she was using me to take to the wedding and birthday/Halloween party. Those events were very important to her.

    Last Saturday night we had a fire at her house after boating all day. She asked me where I see myself in two years. I mention I would like my business’s to become very successful. I also asked her about something she said a few nights earlier. While leaving after a date, she said, Ok bye bye, love you. She told me it was an accident and she was used to saying it to her family. She said she thinks I’m great but isn’t ready to say those words. I don’t blame her. It’s only been six weeks. Even though I did fall in love with her. The same night I told her that my first girlfriend shared her name. I said, “wouldn’t it be crazy if my first and last girlfriend had the same name”. She slapped my on the arm and said, ” don’t say that, that’s so far out”. Well she had just told me earlier that she wanted to be married with kids in two years. That also led me to believe that she is just hanging on to me so she will have a date to the events.

    We the following Monday she texted me at lunch inviting me to go on a bike ride after work. She said “I looks like it is going to rain tho”. It was guaranteed to rain. She knew it wasn’t doable. She had done that same thing before. She makes it look like she attemped to hang out. But she never offered an alternative plan. I didn’t either as I was testing her. I didn’t receive another text from her till 9:30 that night. She waits till it’s to late to make plans for the evening before texting. And when she finally texts she acts like everything is fine.
    I called her within five minutes of receiving the text and broke it off. I told her that I just wasn’t seeing enough of her and she isn’t affectionate enough. She was highly pissed. I think because I only let her a couple weeks to find a new date for those parties.
    I sent her a letter clearly stating my position, that I love her and if she could open up I would give it another shot. She will get that letter today. Neither of us have contacted the other since the break one week ago. I noticed that she was on the dating site the very next day. I guess it was to show that she is either unphased or on the hunt for a new date.

    I figured I would see want happens after she reads my letter. If I don’t hear from her I will contact her in April and try it again if she is still single. I will have just finished restoring a nice boat that I know she would love to go out on. I think that may help me.
    I also wanted to text her on her birthday but not sure if I should after reading some of your articles. What should I do?

  • mystery October 6, 2014, 10:48 pm

    Hi kevin I broke up with my gf for a stupid reason and after a few weeks off the breakup we got back together but it wasn’t the same anymore I tried to ask her can we not go back to how we was n she said no we can’t so we split up again I really want her back and I don’t know how to get her back I need your help.

  • george October 10, 2014, 12:07 am

    i broke up with my girlfriend about a year today and i want her back,the relationship was good but towards then end we just wasn’t us anymore,ive had very little contact with her since and weve both seen other people since but man i want her back,weve started messaging again but im not sure where to go from here and if id have a chance?

  • Craig October 10, 2014, 3:23 pm

    Hi guys,

    I’d appreciate any advice on my situation, I’ve been going insane over my ex for the best part of a year now and need some help with what to do next…

    So I met this girl in May last year and we hit it off straight away. She was super hot, really smart and funny too, I couldn’t believe my luck! It turned out she lived close by so we were seeing each other all the time and things moved pretty fast. We went on trips away and lots of dates, I guess normal couple stuff but they were happy times.

    One night we had a huge fight which she provoked over absolutely nothing and I really saw another side to her and was a bit stunned. We were going for a city break the next day and although I went, it ruined the trip and I was having serious doubts for the first time. We got back and things went back to normal, having good times, but it was always in my mind about this fight.

    The year past and things were pretty good still but importantly although I knew she loved me, she never said it and either did I. I didn’t think I did if I’m honest. Christmas was approaching and we were super excited about it and had lots of nice things planned. We were due to go away for a couple of days and then the week before we were due to go she started being a nightmare again. I got to thinking about what happened last time and was bracing myself. The night before we were due to go away, she was trying to provoke an argument again and I eventually gave in and we had a row. I didn’t go on our trip but she went anyway, with her friend. Christmas was so sad because it was ruined and I was gutted.

    We tried to make things right in-between Christmas and New Year but it was still too sad and we ended up splitting up the day after my birthday in January…..and now for my emotional break down!

    So I was fine for a month or so and there was no contact. I started going on dating sites (which she found out about) and dated a few girls. After a while I realised that I was comparing everyone to her and no-one lived up. I got to thinking of all her good qualities and the nice times we had. This went on and on and we ended up back in contact. It was friendly chats and very occasional meet ups – we still had a connection but when I told her how I felt she said that her feelings had changed and she didn’t want to try again.

    We’ve stayed in touch, mostly on my initiation through out the year and I’ve always hoped that we’d work it out. She’s given me one or two glimmers of hope throughout the year with mid week late night messages and stuff but has always maintained that her feelings have changed.

    It’s been almost 10 months now since we split, which is the same time as we were together and by now I totally want her back. I’ve freaked out a few times and made all the silly mistakes you’re not supposed to make, declaring my love and things and finally asked her to block my number two weeks ago. I was trying to get over her and then my friend started dating her best friend!! Noooo!!

    What can I do about this girl!? I want her back but have no way of contacting her. She says she has no feelings towards me anymore but I can’t accept that and now, when I’m trying the non contact rule in an attempt to put her out of my mind, my friend is dating her friend! Aggghh

    Any help, much appreciated guys, sorry for the war and peace!

    • Chad October 14, 2014, 12:41 am

      Dude, if she is telling you she isn’t interested, then you really need to stick with the no contact rule. I don’t think you have any choice. Also, tell your friend that you don’t want to hear about your ex. I don’t know, maybe you should spend less time with your buddy until you are healed. I feel your pain man. I’m struggling as well at the moment. It sucks.

      • Craig October 28, 2014, 6:18 pm

        Thanks for replying Chad. I think you’re right, I’ll have to stick with the no contact, as you say I have no choice. I’ve been at it for almost three weeks now and it’s not getting easier I have to say! I was thinking the same thing about my pal too actually, I’m glad he’s having a good time but that’s not helping me any so I think maybe I’ll leave him to it for a while. This situation sucks, I’ve never felt so bad! Hope you’re doing ok with whatever you’re going through mate.

    • Anonymous October 7, 2015, 8:37 pm

      In my opinion, you should restart. You fell in love for a reason, you have this connection for a reason. I am in a similar situation, I broke up with my girl, and I regret the decision more than ever. I guarantee this girl is scared of getting hurt again. You need to restart. Take her to the place you met her, go on the dates you went on before, sit in the same booth, do everything the same. Don’t make the mistakes you did before. Make her realize you’re a changed man, and that you are willing to go through the hurt and pain to get her back. You can do it brother. Have faith in yourself. Good luck.

  • Steven October 13, 2014, 4:27 pm

    Hey Kevin, I dated a girl for about 4 months, I completely fell in love with her, but i screwed up a lot and she kept on accepting me for who i am regardless of how many times i screwed up. She was too attached to me and i took too much advantage, i only got to see her once a week and there was a girl in my school that flirts a lot with me, she kind of made me seperate with my girl. I left her and now i’m living a miserable life. I did talk to her and she misses me and cares about me but wants us to be best friends. She’s under pressure and she does not know what to do, i do still have hope that this can work but i’m also scared i try for a long time and get rejected in the end, she sais she is getting over me. And the worst part is, i said bad things i never meant to say when i was leaving her, like we should be friends and stuff like that. I realized she is the one i need in my life, i simply did not fall for anyone else as hard as i tried. What do you suggest i do?

  • Jack October 17, 2014, 12:16 am

    I broke up with my girlfriend after just under 3 years. We had our ups and downs but we were always together everyday. We did everything together and had all the same interests. It was perfect. I met her in college freshmen year and dated until her junior year. I found a great job my second year and took it. She lived on campus and went home during the summers. I was still with her everyday. I had a ring I was ready to ask her to marry me like we had always talked about, but I was working doubles for about a month and was extremely tired so it was hard on us and I ended up catching her with a friend of mine. It was a 1 time thing and we worked it out but my best friend kept telling me she’s cheating on you she’s doing this or that and I just couldn’t take it anymore so I wanted a break after she went back home for summer break I broke things off with her. I hungout with this buddy everyday during the summer then the day she got back to school he started hanging out with her. I tried and tried to express my love for her to get her back but she wouldn’t listen. I tried everything. Now she’s with him everyday because he don’t even have a job. She hated him during the relationship! He caused so many problems between us which is why I wasn’t friends with him up until this summer. She says they are just friends that’s all! She says she don’t like him at all! She told people she was using him for revenge on me. I love her to death and never expected this. Idk what to do. I’ve tried not txting or calling her for days at a time and she will eventually txt me or call me. Idk what to do please help me get her back and away from him!

  • buddha October 18, 2014, 6:09 am

    we have been dating for 7 months and we broke up just three days before. we were happy together and dreamed of getting married and about future a lot. she used to go with one of the guy before me. that was like the guy loved her but she never loved him back. she just went with him just because she don’t wanted to make him sad. after couple of months later he asked her for everything that he should not ever asked and she felt its too much and she started to ignore him. some months later she started to liking me and i knew that from my aunt and i proposed her and she accept. we were dating and later some problems started to create. the guy who used to go with her; he kind of like started to bug me around and talking about me with our culture people and made me seen bad infront of their eyes. the things gets more harder when my family knew that im dating muslim girl which non muslim guy should not date; my family were not happy about it but still we didnt stopped dating. one day she ignored me when i text her and i waited for her whole day but still she didnt reply. i got mad and yelled at her, from that day she think like i didnt treat her nicely; always get mad at her. she took this things so deeply that she decided to leave me. and she did few days later. i asked her; i cried for her and asked why u leaving each other for even though we love each other so deeply; she replied and gave me the reasons 1) i get mad at her always and jealous 2) we have culture different 3) people are gossip each other and saying bad about us 3) and her family wants her to marry their own culture guy. this are the reasons she gave me. im so sad now and cry for her whenever i think of her; the person who i loved the most now she leaving me and going far away from me. she gave me so many chance but i get mad all the times and made her cry. i also said i will treat u nicely, respect ur feelings and never get mad at u again but she dont want to listen to me; she just want to move on. now she like one guy from her country and they do chat a lot now a days and that kills me a lot. what can i do please tell me, i dont want to let her go, i want her so bad

  • dion October 20, 2014, 4:22 am

    I broke up with my girlfriend last week..I regret doing it .and think I made a big mistake..when I left she threatened to suicide so I call the cops and got them to do a welfare check..she was taken into custody and held in hospital overnight for suicide watch…I feel like I did the right thing because I was genuinely worried she would try harm herself. I texted her and told her I still love her , been to her house but she wont answer the door and talk to me.she told me to leave her alone..obviously shes angry .
    I do hope to get back with her.
    what do I do next??

  • jack October 24, 2014, 2:53 pm

    Hey Kevin,
    i dont know even what to think, one afternoon i shouted at my gf as she dint answered my phone she wrote me a text that she is taking hours for her driving exam but i kept calling her and she answered the phone and i just shouted at her about a month ago since that day i am unable to get in contact wid her , i tried calling her but her phone is off or she changed her number, we were together since 2012, then we broke up in dec 2013, no contact for 3-4 months, but in april 2014 she started calling me and every thing went very well after, i regret i shouted at her and being sort of jealous and desperate
    any advice please?

  • David K. October 31, 2014, 4:14 pm

    Ok, this one is a little tricky for me.

    I dated my love for almost 2 years. It was a long distance relationship, as she was graduating with her Master’s degree in Architecture several states over. Last summer, she came and lived with me and my two young daughters and it was a little rough, but still good to learn more about each other. This summer, she elected to come and live with us again, after she graduated with her degree, which she did. She moved in around May 2014 and lived with me until about a month ago… (October 2014)

    Granted, I was not ready for her to live with me. I told her that I didn’t think it was appropriate at this time of our relationship and my two daughters (8 and 10 yrs). Regardless, she wanted to and temporarily moved in until she landed a job. I have been divorced twice, which lead to my “Not ready yet” stance, due to the fact that she really is an amazing woman and i wanted to get it right this time by taking it slow.

    It should be noted, that I travel a lot for work, and the entire summer, I flew her with me on all my business trips. She’s a big city girl from Hong Kong (International relationship here which also adds slightly different flavors) and I live in Kansas City. Not the largest hub around, ha. So while we got to explore a ton of the USA together, she was able to take the time to simply relax after graduation and be taken care of by me. However, this led me to some feelings of resentment toward her, and we would argue at times about how she wasn’t carrying her weight around my house etc.

    It all boiled over on October 4th, when I broke up with her. All the conversations just didn’t seem to be working and I abandoned her emotionally by breaking up with her. She was really going through a lot with her family pressuring her to get a job, and I started pressuring her too, instead of just supporting where she was. (I realized all this after i dumped her… and really have had a change in heart since the break up)

    So after about a week of being broken up, I called her up and let her know that I made a mistake and that I was not the kind gentleman that I wanted to be, and that my heart was growing. I admitted to hurting her repeatedly and asked her to give me another shot. The pro’s far outweighed the Con’s with this girl.

    She agreed for me to take her to New York for her birthday on the 16th of October, and I threw a nice birthday events over a couple days with her. At the end, I asked her to be mine again, and she said she wasn’t ready. I understood where she was coming from. She flew back home with me and the next day we went to Chicago for the weekend to help her explore new firms to apply with.

    We haven’t had sex since we got back together, although she sleeps naked with me and asks me to cuddle her. We also occasionally make out, when she asks for it. She has asked me to masturbate together, which we’ve done 3 times.

    I have really grown a lot and I want to be a stronger more dependable man for her. But she tells me that she can’t commit to me at the moment because she is so hurt from when I dumped her. However, she is currently staying with me (No sex) and all the signs are pointing toward us being together… but when we talk about it, she just wants her space, and says that she isn’t ready.

    I’m really confused on the mixed signals she is sending. She did tell me yesterday after asking to look thru my phone (Which i let her of course) that i couldn’t look thru hers, because she is talking with a guy in DC. (She went out with him the week we broke up, but claims it’s strictly as “friends”). Neither one of us were ever unfaithful, but she is a very beautiful Asian woman and could have anyone she desires… ever.

    Should I just ask her to move out? Should I pretend that we are together, even when she says we aren’t? Should I continue to pursue her? My heart is hers, and I’ve told her this. I’ve been acting very kind and sweet and brought her breakfast in bed, and showered her with many cards and affections and flowers over the past couple weeks… too much?

    I could use a little help here on what steps to take.

  • radha November 11, 2014, 12:40 am

    Why do men want to manipulate and pick a woman up and slam her down and pick her up and slam her down? It damages a woman when the same man keeps breaking her heart.

    • David K November 14, 2014, 10:47 pm

      Are you referring to my post or to the article?

  • Eric November 14, 2014, 12:12 am

    My now ex-gf of over two years and I have broken up. At first, I broke up with her and told her to leave. Now she is saying that she cannot see me due to the pain of breaking up and getting back together. We truly love each other. I cannot see myself with anyone else. She is the love absolute love of my life. I would be like this and break up with her because of my insecurities. She is extremely upset but I don’t get why she won’t get back together with me then. I miss her so much. What should I do?

  • Matt November 21, 2014, 12:56 am

    I broke up with my gf because she was making bad decisions and and putting stress on me I. loved her to death but she needed to focus on her. it’s been a month I’ve been with one girl 2 times and the second time i couldnt bare to look at myself in the mirror i felt guilty and like i made the worst decision in my life. I want her back so bad and i tried not talking but i couldnt handle it to not talk to her. She hsd been with s guy four times and now has feelings for him so she says and i dont know what to do.

  • Aymen November 21, 2014, 4:05 pm

    Me and my ex broke up by the effort of another person.it has been almost 2 years and now we are in the same class.And every time i see her i miss the good days back when we were together.Dude you got to help me!!!pleas

  • Karthick December 16, 2014, 1:10 pm

    Hey Kevin, I was in relationship with a girl for nearly a year and a half but because of some reasons I broke up with her. Now when I wanted to get back to her she says “I’ve lost trust on you and its hard to get back” but I begged her. She said ” if you wanna ask out, ask out after two months or so, let’s see after that”. I’m really confused and I don’t know what to do.!!!

  • Tim Gutekunst December 26, 2014, 6:17 am

    Hi Kevin. I broke up with my girlfriend in July because I wanted to see where we both were at and I wanted to discuss this prenuptial agreement that she wanted. We stayed in touch about every day since then. We couldn’t come to an agreement. She waited until the end of October before she started dating guys. By the end of November she said she wanted to just be friends. December tenth she said she was dating someone exclusively. I did all the things I wasn’t supposed to do. Basically poured my heart out with many texts and calls. I started no contact December 13th. Christmas went by and I still haven’t heard from her. Do you think this guy is a rebound and what do you think my chances are of getting her back? We were together five years. Suffering a lot. Tim

  • matt December 27, 2014, 9:32 pm

    Broke up with my ex we were close to a year her son loves me and I love them both still I ignored her for almost 2 weeks now she wrote you made it quite clear you don’t want anything to do with me and I won’t bother you anymore I’m gone what should I do to let her know that I’m not done with her

  • Appiah January 4, 2015, 12:12 am

    Kevin ,my girlfriend told me she is not intrested in me anymore but I still love her and I cant let her go, so I ‘ve tried several ways of winning her back but is not working.can u help me wid that?

  • Albert Green Jr. January 4, 2015, 4:58 am

    Hey Kevin,

    Me and my girlfriend were in a relationship for 9 months and were buddies before that since the 2nd grade. I asked her out a week after my prom and she agreed but wanted to give it a try. However, she did tell me she wanted to take it slow as far as understanding herself , and clearing up a lot of confusion she has about life. As weeks went by Everything was great.. I mean everything until our communication started to decay because of many reasons in regards to her…. All I had was Facebook and she as well did too but wasn’t working properly until she got a new phone at the conclusion of our relationship. I discussed this with her in person but suddenly she was texting her close family friend like baby this , baby that. I questioned her about it and she tells me it’s terms of endearment. I couldn’t trust her because if the fact our communication sucked. So I was thinking to myself that I should break up with because I felt like I was getting played while being loyal so I iniated the breakup. I couldn’t find time to breakup up with her in person so I did it through text in a manly way. We don’t talk after a few days but I was deseperate and contacted to get back with her. She told me that she doesn’t want to be in a realationship, but still loves me. She then say she doesn’t want to be pressured and everything will be okay. We accepted the fact that we are friends but Idk because I don’t want to see her with another guy. I did the no contact rule for 2 month s until one day she called the house (nobody was home) and texted me on Christmas saying she wishes me and my family a merry Christmas and I love you etc. I kept it simple and said the same in return soo on new years I did what she did and she kept it simple…soo I asking you Kevin… Is there still hope for the future , will she come back into my life because right now I’m staying out my feelings and focusing on me.

  • Stephen January 5, 2015, 12:30 pm

    Hey can you help me ? I broke up with my girlfriend just for because she always fights with me in public and its always making me angry everytime that thing happens. I know, some are my faults but not everything ,it’s just based on her conclusion but she won’t believe me sometimes even though she’s wrong. That’s why i broke up with her. I think i’m having a nervous breakdown because of guilt, and it affects my personality specially to people around me. They NOW CALLED ME NERD O.o
    That guilt was because of lying always to my gf but still she founds it out and i also had sex with 2 girls while we’re in a relationship and it’s giving me a guilt, and it’s making me crazy. Then, i broke up with her because i don’t want her to know these secrets. I know i’m wrong but it’s just because of the fighting she always done to me even though I don’t really always have mistakes done to her. At first, she begs me to go back to her but I don’t know. She drinks and get drunk and it’s giving me anxiety because of the things I have done when I’m still single and what I did to broken hearted girls. Many girls would have sex with other guys after break up that’s why it’s giving me so much anxiety and leads me to a nervous breakdown. We’ve been through a doctor and the doctor reminds me that if I don’t care about myself. It will me to a breakdown. The hardest part is ,when I read your article and will do the things you’re telling us to do. It will cause me to beg her and become desperate to her. I just don’t know how to get back to her again, and there are many guys who are unto her right now and it’s giving me so much pressure and I’m always thinking that those guys are better than me.

  • Tim Gutekunst January 19, 2015, 2:55 pm

    I broke up with my girlfriend in July because she wanted a prenuptial agreement and a separate account in marriage. We were together for five years and generally had a pretty good relationship. We tried to come to an agreement as we talked every day through November. She even waited for me until the end of October before she started dating. She started dating a man around Halloween and he fed her needs which I wasn’t filling after July. I really do love her but she has changed her mind about us and I poured my heart out over texts and calls and because her emotional tank is being filled by another man right now she wouldn’t listen. I started no contact December 13th and even changed my number. Got Mike Fiore s text your ex back January 2nd which pushed my thirty days back to February first. I need an expert to tell me what are my real chances of getting her back? Thank you. Tim

  • Shane January 20, 2015, 5:33 am

    Me and my Ex has been broken up for 4-5 months, I broke it off with not a clear reason , I’ve been thinking about her the whole time , I thought I just need my space cause my life wasn’t on track and I didn’t wana to bring her into a life I myself wasn’t able to handle , then I realize she was there for me through the bad and good . I see her at school once in a while and I try To avoid eye contact but I think about her even when she’s isn’t around . I would love to have her back in my life but I think it’s too late , her last words was she’ll always love me but I think I might of hurt her too much , should I let her find her own happiness or try to be that happiness? I love her but I’m afraid of hurting her again , just the thought of hurting her eats me up inside. Any thoughts?

  • wesley January 28, 2015, 2:13 am

    tthis was great, described me exacly

  • Edward Lee February 6, 2015, 10:37 pm

    Hey Kevin. I broke up with my girlfriend today and I feel so bad. I didn’t want to break up with her. I am so sad without her. We have been going out for 3 months and had a smashing time! I don’t know what to do. I didn’t want to break up with her. I am stupid! Help me!

  • Tony February 6, 2015, 10:48 pm

    I broke up w my girl About 8 days ago, I was upset about something so stupid just lost it, bad week bad month been a bad 2015, put her stuff in garbage bags when she showed up brought them out. she didn’t seem to car at all, supposedly she loves me , called me that night and next day then calls stopped. I knew I made a mistake sunday night rolls around “hope you enjoyed your weekend” I didn’t anser , Tuesday I called I panicked , I love you blah blah blah , nothing she said this is for the best she isn’t doing this anymore. Sent her flowers thursday 350.00 worth she was pissed, not happy , I ended up going by there last night cause I still had something of hers, we sat on her bed, she looked as if she was alset, nothing that was said could change her mind , she was just like u will be fine. After a yr and a month, normally she is telling me she loves me plans our week weekends, never seen her like this before but I could tell by the look in her eyes she is alset w me wouldn’t even kiss. No no just leave 10min later I left…. Haven’t talked to her since so we been broken up for a week and it was last night I went by for 10 min till she was like ur bothering go home. any advice thank you

  • Davyn February 12, 2015, 1:42 am

    Hi, my ex gf and i break up. We had like a year plus relationship. For the past 5days i have been seeing her. We hug and we kiss. But she told me that she needed more time to think.
    What should i do? Do i still stand a chance to be together with her?

  • Jose February 13, 2015, 2:23 pm

    Hey Kevin,
    I broke up with my lover 5 months ago. This is our third breakup! I now know the exact reason why I left her third time! It’s just because she is not that pretty! I regret very very badly now! We were very very close and we promised each other that we shall not separate whatsoever may be case. But it happened that I fought with her and yelled at her really bad. She gave me 3 chances! After 5 months I realized my mistake and messaged her and asked for one last chance! She said now she likes someone else and they are very very close. But I came to know that their closeness is just one month old. And she says she has nothing left for me and she can never ever give me a chance. I am dead for her. And the other guy has taken a promise from her in church that she will never remember me again. She has stayed in his home for a day and they have plans for future studies together in abroad! They keep meeting regularly in college and study for exams. But the love between was special and intense. I just want her back at any cost for ever and ever. Please please help me. She is an angel

  • Oliver February 16, 2015, 9:53 am

    I split up with my girlfriend because she never seemed happy around me and I didn’t seem important to her we are still in school but early in January people found out we had sex and took the piss out of her and me. On valentines day she came round mine and she really enjoyed herself although she still seemed upset, she said her mum would let her come round the day after. That morning I said good morning to her and asked her what she was going to do today. She replied with going out with Sam sorry. Sam is her ex boyfriend and she left him to go out with me but they still stayed close friends. I had been talking to my girlfriend’s friend that morning because my girlfriend never seemed happy and I didn’t know what to do about it. And I thought she was getting less interested in me. I had a panic and a breakdown and I decided to go to my mates house. I explained to him how I felt and he said the best thing to do was break up with her. This is the biggest mistake of my life, i lost my perfect girl because I was angry and confused and I didn’t feel like I was good enough even though I tried my hardest. I sent her a text saying how I felt and I wanted to see what she would say she said why baby? Please don’t do this I love you ad need you and I didn’t realise what I’d done I was still angry and I sent her a reply saying i don’t think you do love me I don’t think you need me I’m sorry but it’s too late I hope you had a good day with Sam and I hope he makes you happier than I did. She said just you wait your gonna get a few messages tonight! And then I realised what I’d just done I lost my perfect girl because I was angry and extremely stupid. I started begging her saying I’m sorry I didn’t mean what I said please don’t I love you and I need you I’m so sorry. And she put on Facebook I’m single free and proud and there were 75 comments within the first day saying no one liked him and told you so she also replied to a comment when someone asked what happened with he’s an overprotective dick. She wouldn’t reply to my messages so I commented saying I’m sorry I didn’t mean to do what I did I’m so sorry I upset you and made you feel like that if you told me I would have changed for you. And I got called a dick and people said just leave her alone so I did last night I didn’t sleep and I don’t want to eat or drink because it makes me feel sick at the thought.
    I really love her and I want her back badly what can I do I will give her time to calm down but what can I do to get her back or at least talk to me?
    I’m desperate for her.

  • steve February 24, 2015, 12:18 pm

    Hey kevin,

    Me and my girlfriend were in a relationship of 2 years in which i broke up with her in the very start of relationship cause she just kept on calling and calling all day and wouldnt stop! after breaking up she used no communication and won me back.things were great but just a month back we broke up, what happened was i started hanging out with my friends too much(guy friends) and my girlfriend taunted me now n then that you don’t give me enough time you are always with your friends and i thought she’s just saying it and she doesnt mean it cause she was the best girl!, she was sweet,supportive and really loyal. Then one day when we were chatting at night she started asking me questions like how much do u love me? what can you do for me? and stuff so i asked her what the matter was and she said there was a guy in her building that really loved her(i know the guy they were friends for a long time) and she found that out through grapevine. So i asked her what she wanted and told me “i dont think i can stay happy with you in future” and then she said “i am really confused i have two options you and him” i said after this long a relationship you call me an option i want to break up. After that she started crying and said just give me one more chance and i was still freaked so i said you dont get a chance and hung up. After two hours i called to make up and she was a completely changed person, she blocked me on whatsapp even though i didnt overtext her, then she wouldnt even receive my calls, so i had my friend talk to her, she talked well with him but she said she was done with me. it has been 13 days since i started no communication and there is no sign from her side but she hasnt told anyone we broke up and she still behaves like she used to with my friends its only with me that she has a problem. I know for sure that her building friends are involved in breaking us up! because she wasnt the type to even think about something like this, she never even got mad at me ever for anything thats how much she loved me.I know i didnt treat her well but i want to and i also told her that but she said shes done!! What should i do? and her whatsapp status says “I wasted too much time on the person that meant the most to me in this world, but now i want to spend my life with the person for whom i mean the world”! please help me, im not sure but i think that dude from her building is using this chance pretty well because i have seen her on the phone a couple of times as she is in my college.

    by the way we are both 19 and also she had her birthday in january and i couldnt attend it because i had to go with my family that day and she was really sad i couldnt attend her birthday!(her building friends, and that guy also wer at the party)!

    the guy from her building is also 19 and for exact dates the first question conversation was on night of 31th january we broke up on 1st feb and i tried getting her back for 2 days after that i stopped and my friend talked to her on 10th feb as he said she probably cooled down said that she might agree to out with on 14th feb but that didnt happen she said she didnt want to i called her on 14th feb casually wished her happy valentines day but she said she didnt want to wish me so i casually said bye and have no contacted since!her birthday is 12th jan! (what i think is her building friends set me up!) cause everything happened really randomly and nothing made sense.

  • BUBBAGUMPSHRIMP March 4, 2015, 7:13 pm


    I was with my girlfirend for a year and some few months everything was perfect we got into a really silly argument about money and it turned me off completely. I broke up with her and got back with my ex girlfriend after dating her for a few months i realized she was wrong for me. and i want my girlfriend back, she called me like crazy when we first broke up and we had sex one time after the break up. She said she doesnt want to be a booty call and we stopped communicating. After i broke up my current girlfriend i contacted my ex and tried to innatiate a conversation she seemed very distant and cold. I asked her whats the matter she said im seeing someone else. My heart sank, i felt weak all over. i cant help but think i made a huge mistake. I called and told her that and she said she used to be want to be with me so bad but she needed time. I contacted her one night after a night of drinking and the guy answered her phone he said how many time does she have to tell you shes with someone. I was so angry and furious and hung up, i wondered how could she do that to me. We dated for a year and had a very special connection she told me she loved me and cherished me. I did not notice how much i loved her until she was no longer there. I cant eat, i cant sleep its all i think about. I have not contacted her in over a week she hasnt called me either. I have planned to have flowers delivered to her job which will be 21 days of no contact. There is note in there as well telling her how much i miss her and that im sorry for letting her go i told her she is the love of my life and that she completes me. What are my chances of getting her back realisticly. Because in my 27 years on this earth i have never felt this way about anyone and i have had many girlfriends.

  • Zac April 8, 2015, 3:03 am

    So I broke up with my girlfriend about 2 months back. We dated for the better part of 4 years. Before her I had girlfriends but nothing overly serious. When I met her I knew she was the one. We got along so great! We enjoyed similar things and loved to spend every possible second with one another. She started a new job which she worked hard to get and works all hours of the day limiting our time. I’ve broken up 2 times previously over stupid reasons because I was unstable and was worried because we were moving so quick and was scared of the whole marriage thing… I always had that regret feeling after I ended it and we got back together saying things would change and they didn’t. We’ve texted back and forth here and there and I feel like crap. We were each others firsts loves and I can’t see myself with anybody else and she knows that. She is an amazing girl and I don’t want to lose her because she is truly 1 in a 1,000,000.

  • Cevin Chandler April 9, 2015, 9:10 pm

    So, I was with my girlfriend for almost 2 years. We had our ups and downs but I loved her very much and I still do. But I broke up with her about a month ago. She called and texted me crying every day for 2 weeks. After 2 weeks she stopped and I was fine with it until I heard she slept with a friend of mine, which she and him both say isn’t true. After that my life shattered. I kind of feel like I had no place to be mad since we were broken up. And now after another 3 weeks I found out she was going on a date with someone new. I don’t think it’s the panic because I do remember the bad stuff very clearly and I’ve been feeling this way for about 3 weeks now. I just now feel like the good far out weighs the bad. I have no clue what to do. We haven’t spoken in a couple of days and it has been the longest 2 days of my life. And when she does talk to me she is very bitter. She says she still loves me and always brings out the old, “if it’s meant to be it will happen,” but that’s what scares me. I’m scared that she’s gonna be happy with a new guy and won’t need me like I need her. What should I do?

  • Cooper April 25, 2015, 11:06 pm

    Please can someone help me out??
    My girlfriend and I were in a relationship for 2 and a half years. We were happy. Like very happy. Both us were sporty and geeky people. We would always be mushy and stuff. Then one day I asked her about her marriage plans. She said she was planning to get married to me after 8 years because her dad had past away and she wanted to secure her moms future first and had a lil sister who would go to Uni in a few years. I wanted to settle in 4 years. We fought on this and then I broke up with her. We were separated for 2 months until I couldnt take it anymore. I contacted her friends and they told me she was still depressed. I decided to call her. She answered and was angry at me for being away for 2 months. She told me not to call her again or she’ll report me to the police. I messaged her on Viber, she blocked me. I called again after 2 days and I cried to her to take me back. She said her final answer is NO. then she said she already moved on with someone and disconnected. I cried all night. The next morning she called again and said she was lieing and didnt have anyone else in her life. She was only saying to send me away. Now she wanted me to be friends. But I didnt want to get into the friendzone. But still i agreed. 2 days later was my graduation. She didnt message so i called to thank her coz she supported me throughout my studies. Then somehow i got the courage to say “you either take all of me, or none of me” and then i begged her again. she said she was afraid of me as she felt i was becoming a psycopath. And then i let her go. But said that if she ever needs me, i’ll be right here. I have completely changed my attitude and have decided to marry late aswell. I have made the worst decision of my life. People are right, you dont know what you have until you lose it. Please can anyone help me? Please.

  • Chasham May 27, 2015, 11:21 am

    Hey Kevin,
    I broke up with my girlfriend a week ago cuz she was short tempered and i said to her that u would find a better girl than you. Now i have realised that i shouldnt have said this to her she blocked me on fb and i had no contact with her frim last week….what should i do please help me….i want her back cuz she is a very nice lady

  • Kevin June 8, 2015, 3:27 pm

    Hi, I broke up with my girlfriend six months ago and i moved to a rebound two weeks later. She begged, pleaded and cried, and I kept talking to her because she wouldn’t leave me alone.
    She then found out that i had started talking to another girl and she begged me and hit me because she was hurt. she called me back trying to forgive me and we continued talking as i stopped talking to the other girl. 2 months after talking, I asked her to be my gf again but that same night she went on my phone and saw an apology that i had sent to the other girl.
    today stand 4 months since that argument. we continued to talk but haven’t been a title still having sex on my b’day but somehow being just friends, so she claims. I still wanted to make it official with her again, but she would always catch me making these stupid little lies. last month we argued pretty everyday and she told me it was over and that she is last week.
    I begged her not to. I called her messaged her through any source and she blocked me. then she told me to stop emailing her that im only making it worse. I asked how, she said,” I met Someone”. Last month during an argument, she said she had a date with someone from her job, and then she told me that it was a lie after i blocked her. But something made me think this time was for real. I went to her job twice in a week with gifts and flowers, asking her to forgive me but she keeps saying that she’s moved on and is doing better for herself. that i should on. I sat down in the lobby of her work building and cried with the flowers in my hand and the gift. Every time she passed by, she would just tell me to leave and move on. when i left, she called me asking me to make sure i leave far far away before she puts a restraining order against me. i asked her about the guy and she said that they’re just friends, and never kissed but that he’s in a similar situation with his ex. and that they just talk but that shes not going to mess this one up.
    the following day, I emailed her begging her to forgive me, and she kept responding that it’s over, she’s done with the lies and is moving on doing what is best for her. I called her and called and emailed. she finally called me back at my house phone and told me to stop and leave her alone that she is not here to work on things, and that to have a nice weekend. I kept asking her why, and i told her i will not lie anymore, just please give this another chance. then she said that i’m being selfish because I am not going to change and that she’s doing better for herself.
    I emailed her a bunch of times this weekend but no response. i texted her bestfriend because i want to give her my gifts and a surprise bday cake. and her friend said, ” honestly kevin, I think that it is best if you both give eachother some space. And if it’s meant to be time will tell. So i emailed my ex saying, “One thing’s for sure, I wanted to show you that I love you but I don’t want to show you i’m psycho either. This week I just had a breakdown, I’m sorry. You want space, so I’ll leave you alone.”
    and have yet to receive a response in a day.

    I want to get my ex flowers sent to

  • Jimmy June 18, 2015, 12:08 am

    Hey Kevin,
    I’m twelve years old, and I just had the worst break up of my life, I tried getting her back but she just said no, I even tried one of my friends to find out if she still liked me, but that didn’t work, I can’t stop thinking about her, and she blocked me so I can’t text her about it, and the recovery process won’t work for me cause, she’s on my bus and she goes to my school, she won’t talk to me or look at me.
    For these past couple weeks the only thing that I’ve been thinking about is her, I can’t focus on any of my school work, and I’ve lost the ability to even sleep without crying.
    What should I do to get her back, and if there’s no way how can I move on, I really do love her, but I have a feeling that she might be happier without me, so can u please point me in the right direction.

  • Jacob June 26, 2015, 5:17 pm

    Hey kevin, I am a about to be a junior in high school and I was with this girl for about 6 months sophomore year and we were bestfriends freshman year. End of sophomore year one of my good friends tells me that he saw her and they walked to her class together and she kissed him. Since he was one of my good friends I believed him. I ignore her for about a week then I break up with her. Two weeks later she gets a new boyfriend and they break up a little over a month later which was like a month ago. I miss her so much and I was really jealous when she was with this guy. I am trying to get her back and I did a lot of the things the article says not to before reading it. She is talking to another one of my friends and they kissed already and he is a player and she knows it. She doesn’t think it is messed up to just start talking to one of my good friends that I have known for 6 years. I really want her back and I feel like now I’m just annoying her. I want her back and she said she needs time and wants to be single for now and we can be friends for now. But I don’t want to be friends with her while she is doing stuff with other guys, especially my friends…

  • Jaden July 26, 2015, 2:45 am

    Me and my girl been dating for 6 months but it felt like we been dating for years and I love her so much and i think it’s a serious one but I broke up with her outta anger and she said I broke her heart and don’t know if she wants to date me again also after we broke up I said some harsh words to her but she still said she loves me and she just don’t know if she wants to date me again cause she don’t know if she get hurt again of if she is gone wanna date someone who says mean things when there mad do you think we have a chance get back together?

  • Mark October 1, 2015, 3:36 pm

    Kevin, I feel like my situation is kind of unique. I broke up with my gf about 5 months ago. This article pretty much nailed it as far as how I was and am feeling. I feel like I’ve really lost her now. I know this is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. She’s dating someone (not bf/gf according to her) but I’m afraid she really likes this guy. I’ve definitely made all the mistakes you mentioned. I’m working on no contact but texting and ignoring was an issue in our relationship. So ignoring now seems like a really bad idea. Also we have all mutual friends so how do I work on being happy and going out with them when she could be there? Thanks for your help man

  • Sean October 7, 2015, 3:31 am

    I broke up with my ex two weeks ago because she lied to me and was making plans to see other people behind my back, including her ex of 5 years. I feel the respect in the relationship was lost and from what I heard she’s back with her ex. It’s odd because she said she wanted to work on things and that shed never go back got mad when I deleted her from facebook. And texted me two days ago but I didn’t respond as I’m doing no contact. Do u think I have a chance of getting her back? Even though I’m not quite sure why id want to if she proved me right

  • Anonymous October 7, 2015, 8:20 pm

    I need help. I broke up with my ex after about two years of dating. I was leaving my town, and she was still there. I wanted to explore my options in the big city, and have the experience my friends were having. She tried calling and texting me, telling me she still loved me and wanted to be with me, but I ignored her. Out of nowhere, a feeling came over me. And I want her back more than anything in this world. We have been talking and she says if I can earn a second chance, then she will give it to me. The thing is she has been seeing another guy, and even though she talks to me more, and admits she still loves me, she will not take me back. She admits she has no emotional connection with this other guy, and does not want to date him. I hurt her very badly and I feel horrible for it. I tell her I’m never leaving again, and that I want her forever, but she does not believe me.. She thinks I am going to hurt her again.. I love this woman more than anything in the world, I would give my life for her, and I need her back. Please help.

  • Lee October 17, 2015, 5:33 pm

    Hi Kevin,

    I stupidly split up with my girlfriend about 2 weeks ago then last night I rang her and poured my heart out to her and she said she still loves and cares about me but doesn’t want a relationship and that we have no chance of getting together again, also she met another lad today but they aren’t actually together yet although I know she kissed him drink on a night out. Have I got a chance or is this the end?

  • Monty October 21, 2015, 4:44 am

    I’m 20 years old and at this age I regretted breaking up with my ex over a year now. Now I want her back and I already tired talking to her recently through texts but she says she’s not interested in a relationship and happy with her life right now. I’d just put out the reason and it’s because my friend liked her and I went out with one of her friends before her. It made me feel really guilty and she told me back then that her friend was getting mad talking behind her back. And sort of my friends too. But we were both happy. I let my pride down and i choice to break up with her. Now I want her back. help me pls.

  • eric October 25, 2015, 7:19 am

    i broke up with my girlfriend for a few reasons. first she was lacking her mojo. she was lacking self confidence and self worth. we communicated enough and she acknowledged these things herself. second i was pushing high expectations on her as far as a future was concerned, and it overwhelmed her. finally, i can tell he wasn’t happy due to reasons 1 & 2, and that from solitude she would find herself and ultimately be happy, with or with out me.
    weeks later, i spoke with her and she was much happier. confidence was coming back for several reasons, as expected. recently we saw each other, because she is very close with my parents (we were together for a total of 8 years). she seems do be doing the things i expected, but that didn’t happen within the relationship. weeks after that, we casually hung out and we both felt something. i could tell by the hug. we began flirting, but i understood she was on a self journey, but i wanted her to know that i have grown and still see a future with her, although it i not an immediate one. then suddenly she said the flirting will stop because she has walls up.
    my faults were that i didn’t communicate my true feeling from my heart. i only communicated from my brain, which is very logical. hence i broke up with her to give her that opportunity to fend for herself, which i felt would lead to her confidence and worth. that part is working. but now i wonder about our future.
    she expressed she is torn between mind and heart. her brain is telling her not to, but i am still in her heart.
    i wanted to tell her how i realize my mistakes and that i really did it for her happiness. that i am working on myself and that she is still dear to me. i am sure she is right for me, but not sure if she still feels the same way about me. i was unsure before because the person i fell in love with was no longer there. she has returned to school to start a career. a career that i have been in for the last 7 years. i want to be there to support her as i know exactly what she will be going through. about her feeling towards me, i know she only wants to be friends because she is focused on herself and her career.
    what do i do to get her back later down the road. i dont want to distract her, but i don’t want her to forget about me either. i wanted to atleast plead my case (not literally) when she was done with her self journey. how do i do that? do i accept friendship and follow steps in article (write letter, no contact, then short and though provoking contact)? the main thing is that we both know if it happens it will be down the road, a year atleast.

  • Sky November 2, 2015, 11:39 pm

    Dear Kevin,

    I have been with my girlfriend for over 4 years. We have been together sinds we met, when we were both sixteen. We created a type of squad you might say and all of my friends ended up dating her best friends. It was great and all and I knew that she was the one for me even if i had an arranged marriage that my father has put together sinds I was 17, because it’s a tradition for the royals of my country to have an arranged marriage. But I wanted to marry her and I proposed to her and she said yes. when I got home I told my father that I was engaged to her and he didn’t take it well. My father never liked her even tho she was also related to royalty, so he told me to call it of and I did three days after I proposed and by then her parents were almost finished with the planning of the wedding. Her father hated me since and he decided to invite other royals to their kingdom so she can decide which one she will marry instead of me. Some of them were even next in line for their throne. Once I have heard of this I disguised myself and pretended to be one of the royals so I could have sneaked in without her father recognizing me. she on the other hand noticed me and her father saw that she loved me, or at least the guy i was pretending to be. so he asked about me and he notices me, so he has band me from their kingdom and I never saw her again. it has been 6 months since that day and I am still looking for a way to change both my father and her father’s mind. And I know that she loves me and I do as well…

    Prince Sky

  • Christian November 8, 2015, 6:00 am

    I broke up with my girlfriend cause she couldn’t control her drinking. I am in I lease with this girl and although I have my own room it’s impossible to do the no contact. She has left hints that she is attending a alcoholism program. She was perfect for me drinking aside and I can see the person I fell in love with coming back everyday she is clean. It’s been 2 weeks since the breakup and we talk but I can feel us drifting apart. What do I do?

  • Payton November 16, 2015, 1:29 am

    Hey man, my ex told me that she wanted time alone, then I just started to freak out and just think that all is lost and that I will never get back with her. I made the mistake on letting ppl get into my head about her and I regret it. So one day after we had broken up, I’m walking out of my locker room and she calls me over and asked me to kiss her and I told her that I didn’t want to get her all nasty. After that she said “fine then” and then I realized that I had my chance to get her back. Right now she is talking to a guy at my school and I can’t take the pain anymore cause I love her so much and I want her back. All those mistakes u listed in the step by step stuff I did and idk what to do now. I just really need help.

  • Casey November 16, 2015, 8:30 pm

    Hey guys,

    I was with this girl for a year and a half, being with her was the best time of my life. So much happened to us in that time period and we both changed for the better. For the final 2 months of our relationship, I moved to a city 3 hours away from her to go to school. Things were still great, we talked every other day and she even came down for a weekend. A little over a month ago, I get a call from her telling me that she feels we have disconnected and that she feels like the relationship was already over. I felt like I was holding a canary in a cage. I loved this canary with all of my heart and I still do. I felt like keeping her in the relationship was hurting her so I decided to let her go. We had no contact for about a month. Throughout this time I tortured myself. I woke up every night in tears realizing that I had made the greatest mistake of my life. Then I get a call from her, she tells me that she is seeing someone. I actually know the guy pretty well and when I imagined her dating someone else I was always worried she would end up dating some douche that would end up hurting her. I actually imagined him as the ideal guy I would want her to date. She tells me about how she ended up hooking up with him. She got drunk with her group of friends crying about the breakup telling the how ‘she wanted me to work things out.’ When she told me this I told her I never wanted to break up with her in the first place and I regretted that decision every day. She was shocked yet was understanding of my reaction. She continued saying that he said, “Hey, I’d date you.” It turned out he has liked her for a while but is not the kind of guy to hit on girls in relationships. I know she didn’t think too highly of him before our breakup. I know this is considered a rebound relationship, but it’s a rebound relationship with a very close friend of mine. I love her and I want her back, but I don’t want to do it at the cost of losing a friend who has been understanding and is aware how I feel about her.

    Any advice from anyone is welcome.

  • Tony November 21, 2015, 8:20 am

    I broke up with my girlfriend while on deployment, I Had only been away from her for a few weeks and I was super busy and stressed and my self defense was to break up when she was bringing up problems in the relationship. I didn’t contact her for about a month and then went into desperation mode as you said, I told her I knew she still loved me and cared about me so I wasn’t a doormat. After telling me to not contact her and she was happy without me and didn’t wanna be with me, I called her up and explained how I felt, she ended the convo by blocking me, I have no way to contact her unless through a friend or letter. She only focused on the negatives and I know she’s being stubborn. She was really in love with me and I feel like she’s not over me but getting there, I want her back and know it’s what I what’s best. Not sure how I do that, I’m not gonna be home for another 4 months, do I start the no contact and just hope she contacts me?

    Any advice is welcome

  • Allen December 28, 2015, 5:25 am

    I was in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for five months. I broke up with her because I got into an argument with her cousin and she got mad at me for doing that and it was best to end it before things got worse. She has blocked me completely with only one way to contact but I am too scared to talk to her because she probably hates me. I feel like I made a mistake and want her back. It has been a week since the breakup. How long should the no contact last or should I move on because I hurt her cousin emotionally?

  • Dave January 21, 2016, 12:30 pm

    Yo I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months because I let someone talk me into trying to “play the field” and I was also kind of tired of some of the stresses that a relationship can bring so I ended it. She was pretty upset about it, and I recieved some late night drunken texts that night about how bad she felt and how I “broke her heart” and all that, and that made me feel pretty bad. That was about a month ago, since then we’ve talked over text maybe 3 times and she seems a little salty, and we go to the same school so I see her around every now and then. I feel like I made a pretty bad mistake and I really care about her. I haven’t talked to her seriously in about a month except for a few times and that wasn’t super involved. Since then I’ve been doing well, I’ve gotten closer to some of my other friends and have been doing well in school, I also started training for a 50 mile race in the spring and I feel happy with where my life is going, but I think I could be happier with her. You think its time to break No Contact even though I talked to her a few times but it was just kinda meh? Or do you think I should wait?

  • Dave January 30, 2016, 7:17 am

    I broke up with my girl friend once, she took me back then I got thinking about a future where I enlisted in the Marines and did ifantry which has always been a dream of mine to stand up for others and serve my country, but I didn’t know if she could handle me going over seas for months on end. I didn’t want to put her through that so I broke up with her but now I’m regretting it , I feel like she has moved on but I feel empty without her. I don’t think that I will even make it past boot camp if she isn’t there when I come home. I realized I need to open up to her more than I used to and I just need to be there for her more but I don’t think she will give me that chance….

  • Jericho k. February 26, 2016, 2:30 am

    I broke up with my ex a week ago and I am barely realizing that it was my worst decision ever and I want to get back with her how would I go about doing that

  • Avery March 25, 2016, 6:59 pm

    I broke up with my girlfriend because I was going through a whole bunch of stressful things at home and so was she. I ended the relationship because I didn’t want to drown myself in stress and I wanted to work on myself. It’s been three weeks and things have gotten better. But my ex doesn’t want a relationship right now. Btw I was her first bf. We’ve been dating for a month. I really miss her and I feel empty inside.

  • Chris C. April 10, 2016, 10:46 pm

    Hi.. I broke up with my girlfriend 3 times..twice we worked ot out but this 3rd time for a whole month we talked after our break up and we were going to work it out.. the day after we decided to work things out she completely stopped talking to me.. never gave me a reason or anything.. I tried to contact her several times and she didn’t answer the phone or my text.. the last conversation she told me she loved me and she was going to make things better. I really want a future with her and I don’t want to give up on us.. I don’t contact her every day but every nowand then I do txt just to see if she’s ok.. I still get no reply.. I know she loves me and that I broke her heart.. and I have said I’m sorry everytime the conversation came up.. and how much I regret everything… I don’t know what else to do.. please help me.

  • Mike April 23, 2016, 12:48 pm

    Hey Kevin.
    I dated this girl for 10 months. Around 8 months I realized I wanted to spend the rest Of my life with with and became scared. I distanced my self from the relationship not knowingly. She went on vacation and kissed another guy that she has feelings for. She came back we talked about it and decided to break up because it was unfair to me that she didn’t give 100 percent of her affection to me. She still has very strong feelings for me and I know that. How do I go about getting her back

  • Jim May 7, 2016, 4:35 pm

    Hi Kevin…

    Great article! Thank you very much for writing and posting it. As a psychotherapist, I’ve found the information very useful for my patients. But as a guy who’s trying to manage personal heartache, I’ve found it essential to help deal with my own pain.

    So I’m in my late 30’s, and was with my 40 year old ex for about 10 months. We had a great relationship; honest communication, deep respect and very much mutual love. But after 10 months I broke up with her because she wanted to move in together and get married, and being divorced myself after a 3 year bad marriage, I was not ready. I felt as though I could not be the man she needed me to be, and that I could not give her what she wanted at the time. I felt it was only fair to let her go, as deeply painful as it was for both of us. That was exactly 1 year ago.

    During our breakup we had very little to eventual no contact. I sent her a couple of texts, but she never got back to me. I dated other women months later, and we remained Facebook friends. Even after I broke things off I continued to be in love with her, and as time unfolded my love has seen to just grow. I stopped dating other women and began my own therapy 5 months ago, and have done a lot of emotional therapy to work through my fears and baggage.

    I feel I’m finally now ready to commit to my ex in the way she had wanted back then, and after a year of doubts, fears and deep reflection, I finally reached out to her through phone call and left a voicemail 1 week ago. She got back to me within 2 hours, but through text. She was cold, distant and factual…asked what I wanted and told me that she had moved on. I was vague, but told her that I hadn’t moved on, and that I had something very important to talk to her about, but did not tell her I wanted to get back together. I asked her to meet me in person so that we could talk in more detail, but she said that she needed to “think about it”. I haven’t heard anything back yet, and it’s been a full week. This has been the hardest week of my life! All I’ve wanted to do is run over to her apartment, knock down her door, and proclaim my everlasting love for her! But I haven’t. I’ve just been sitting in my fears…crying daily about the potential that she has met someone else and has truly moved on. This totally sucks! But I’ve also felt a need to give her some time to “think about it” as she had said. But since a week has gone by with no response I’m wondering what my next step should be? Sending flowers with a short note? Send a letter gushing my feelings? A quick text letting her know I’m thinking about her??? Or do I just wait until she gets back to me? Ugh. This sucks. Please help!!! (Thanks)

  • Christian June 8, 2016, 6:19 am

    Hey I dated this girl for 10 months . We are each other’s “first love”. I made the mistake and broke up with her. I feel miserable and it’s only been a week.. I begged her back and she insisted we take time . I really miss the girl and find myself sad everyday. Any chances or any advice . I think not contacting for a week or two may help . Also we haven’t takes face to face but she is open to it .

  • Zac July 5, 2016, 4:48 pm

    Hey Kevin. Ive liked my ex since forever and we had been dating for 5 months. I know I broke up with her for a good reason but now she is getting with another guy who she used to like but now that issue seems resolved and I want to go back and dont know what to do.

  • Mark July 14, 2016, 12:57 am

    I broke up with my gf at the beginning of June. I still don’t know why I did it. We’ve hooked up a few times and it always starts the breakup over. I’ve been seeing someone else, but it’s extremely long distance. I don’t know how to figure out what I want besides a wife and kids. My gf had some issues as far as her family was concerned. She’s extremely dependent on her knowitall mom and her brothers are always starting some drama for her and her mom to get wrapped up in. I travel for work and it’s difficult for me to remain faithful. I was unfaithful in our relationship once and I never told her and the other girl thought I was single. I really miss the comfort and security of my relationship and I truly loved my gf, but I struggle constantly with sex and I chose to sacrifice my relationship for another one that’s far less fulfilling sexually, but the other girl is stunning physically and WAY more active. I don’t know wtf I’m doing. Thoughts?

  • Mike July 22, 2016, 2:56 pm

    I feel like I lost my best friend.

    So here’s the story. I was unhappy with the relationship with my ex after a year. She was unhappy as well. We live 3 1/2 hours away and she’s 7 years older than me, but we never had any issues with these. I think she was unhappy because after graduating from college I moved out of my parents house and into an appartment with my cousin, sister, and two friends. I think I was unhappy because she was unhappy. She was in a bad mood constantly, she always complained about her weight, and she even got Botox to appear younger (which was flattering but unecessary and didn’t come out looking good). At the end of the day, I truly believe her unhappiness was was triggered my unhappiness.

    The Breakup was ill-timed, but it had to happen. It came to my attention that we needed a break after a year of dating when I realized how unhappy she was. About a week or two before we had plans to drive 12 hours to finally meet her parents and to attend her best friend’s wedding (also taking place in her hometown in Indiana). So I decided to wait until after the trip tell her. That sounds like a bad decision, but understand that: 1. She had met my whole family (and even came to Florida with us for a vacation), 2. I didn’t want he (and her family) to think I was breaking up with her because I was afraid of commitment / didn’t want to meet her family, and 3. Because I love her. Her best friend was getting married and I didn’t want her to be a wreck for that moment.

    After driving back to her appartment in NY, I had a pit in my stomach. Her family was so nice and the wedding was as well. I appeared to be having a great time during the trip but I was faking it, probably because I already had made my mind up. And seeing I had a family reunion coming up the following weekend, I made the decision to ask for a break before things got more out of hand. I told her “I think we need to take a break in our relationship.” She was completely shocked and told me it had to be a breakup. I think her words were “If we were meant to be together we’d be together.” This made a lot of sense but, to me, taking a break was smart before making a decision like spending a life together (given the circumstances). She also mentioned that she can’t believe she didn’t break up with me first. At this point, I was crying and she wasn’t (she’s always been a tough / independent woman). She told me I had to leave, so I did, and drove back to where I live in Rhode Island.

    It’s been 3 1/2 weeks since the breakup, and I still feel miserable. She was the love of my live and I just let her go. I should have stayed together and worked harder on the relationship. When we were together it was like time stood still and we knew something that no one else knew. My family tells me that I made the right decision and my dad specifically told me to stay optimistic because him and my mom broke up while they were dating as well (not to compare relationships .. They’re all different). However, I haven’t heard from her since the breakup. I was a wreck last Monday when I found out she blocked me on social media sites. So I left work early and wrote her a letter. Not a “I want you back” letter. More a “I’d love to hear from you” letter. Still nothing.

    So I’m looking for your advise because I want to know what I should be working on while single. I feel like I need to show her that I’ve matured .. I need to give her something that I’m not giving her (some sort of gesture).

    I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and I can’t even hear from her. I know your articles mostly talk about giving the ex space and I get that. But I need advise on what I should be working on in the meantime. I’m miserable without her, and just want to show her how committed I am.



  • Alex August 5, 2016, 9:58 pm

    Hey Kevin, I broke up with my girlfriend because I though she was cheating on me. We only dated for like 2 months but I’ve known her for about 3 years we sort of dated the first time we met but no one knew then this year we dated and everyone knew. I regret breaking up with her and I think she dosen’t like me anymore. We still text but I want her back but I’m afraid she will move on and gind someone else I don’t know what to do help.

  • Selena August 17, 2016, 9:49 pm

    My ex after 3 in a half years has confessed that he loves me and wants me even though I now have 3 kids with the man I’m with.. My ex broke up.with me and we didn’t talk for 3 years and it was much harder for me but now that I think I moved on he’s back telling me everything ive been wanting or thought I wanted to hear but not so sure how I feel like it feels weird BC I love my boyfriend but I still have feelings and a bigger connection with my ex I’m just so confused

  • Selena August 17, 2016, 9:53 pm

    I want to add that I was with my ex for 5 years and he broke up with me alot on the end and finally he broke up and that next got with my current boyfriend and been with my boyfriend ever since but all of his family and friends added me on Facebook and then he followed . I just don’t get why? I now have 3 kids with this man is he trying to destroy me?

  • Errol October 14, 2016, 4:22 pm

    Hey Kevin

    I broke up with my girlfriend last April, and I never thought of dating her again. Last month ( September ) I took a time alone, think about good moments we had together, and after I realised that I was wrong.. I started calling her and she responds very well, but she always talks about changes in life and sometimes pain.. ok, I tried to get her back, asking for forgiveness. She said ” what you are thinking about I don’t think it will work”. I took that, but what was in my mind was to give he another time, stop talking about love stuff everytime we communicate.. and even now we still call each other.
    What would I do to get her back??

  • aaron December 9, 2016, 4:28 pm

    man i feel it will take time to get her back it is hard for me as i broke up with her because i was with another girl so first off don’t cheat then apologize a gazillion times

  • Robert January 12, 2017, 5:35 am

    I broke up with my girlfriend to go out with this other friends of mine cuz my girlfriend was talking crap and my friend said she liked me I left her and went out with my friend and I realized I made the biggest mistake and I still love her what should I do

  • Kevin Pilotzi January 15, 2017, 1:22 am

    Hey Kevin, my name is Kevin too haha. Anyways I broke up with my girlfriend because she still has feelings for her ex, but when she told me it was a few days after I asked her out and we were talking for a little bit more than two months. She told me to forget what she told me and to please ignore it. So weirdly I did, after that everything was going great until one day she told me that she saw her best friend and they dated before and when she saw him, her feelings came up again and she knew it was wrong so she told me. I was terribly hurt and it made me think about the ex thing and made me think if there was any other guys that she can see and easily get those feelings back again. IT WAS DRIVING ME INSANE. A few days later I broke up with her. But for some reason I still miss her so very much and wish we lasted longer. Some say that I should move on but I still look back and wish she was in my hands and to be able to look in her eyes. God I miss but I think this may just be a phase. I don’t know.

  • Miriam brian June 1, 2017, 11:31 am

    My relationship has been restored, last month, i was having serious issues with my boyfriend, my relationship was falling apart and i was devastated. My lover broke up with me and it became a very big and difficult problem i almost died from heartbreak, i have to find a solution, I went to 3 different spell casters they all failed me, I really wasn’t sure anymore if spells were real so as i was making a search one morning i saw some great reviews about Dr Mack, I was a bit skeptical at first but I purchased a love spell from this spell caster and he said he will take his time to do a love spell that will bring my man back in 3 days, after 3 days as he said my lover reconciled with me, It felt good to have my lover back, when he returned he said he would never leave me again. I saw him transform from a bad guy to a good guy. happiness is the best word to describe how I feel, contact dr_mack@ yahoo. com, he will save your relationship

  • Jen August 21, 2017, 12:52 am

    Hello, guy friends, I need help as a girl
    The guy I’ve seen for 3 weeks just broke up with me 2 days ago. He’s been so attractive to me, I don’t understand…

    last texts: he was going to pack for a business trip and asked me to visit at his home.

    He: I have to pack tonight but want to come over for a visit?

    I: I appreciate your making time for us. I’m scheduled to be at gallery tonight at 8:20pm to have a talk with my teacher. Let’s get together when you’re off work before I head to gallery!
    I’ve just had a very authentic Italian sandwich and will keep the other half and the meat & salad for you. Let’s eat that at the table of the reservoir before I kiss you goodbye.

    He: Table of the reservoir?? I’ll be home around 330 today to pack and get ready for tomorrow:) See you then?

    I: Then I need to arrange a little this afternoon, one sec

    He: No problem. I can wait until later around supper and then go you to to gallery at 8. Up to you

    I: How about we meet at the reservoir at around 5:15? There’s a bit issues between the teacher working this afternoon and a student, I hope to figure it out. I’m so stressed, I need your strong chest.

    He: What’s with the reservoir stuff honey?? I’m busy working and have to pack and get ready for my trip. If you can’t pop by the house tonight than no worries! Don’t be stressed life isn’t worth it! The sun is shining:)

    I: I miss you and I’d like to hug you before you leave. I just don’t want to feel hook up with you each time. Giving you a kiss goodbye will support me a lot during the days when you are not around.
    There are dining tables at the reservoir, let’s have a supper together in between your packing.

    He: hook up each time? All we do is go out and eat!
    You want to go out every time we hang out so that’s what we do. I can’t tonight so maybe next time.

    I: I desire you but I enjoy your company in many other ways too.
    You seems too busy to get together with me, which confused me.

    He: Clearly we are not on the same page here. Maybe we need to part ways then.

    I: What page are you at?

    He: If I have to answer and explain that than for sure you prove my point and we are not in the same page.

    I: I guess that I understand your point now, thank you for letting me know.
    All the best, Mike.

    He: You too.

    Guys, Please let me know what he’s thinking :'(

    Back ground: we met through bumble, a dating app. we’ve been on 6 dates over 3 weeks, we had the hike and seek period at the beginning and both lost sleep because of the chemistry for each other.

    We had sex on our 4th date, two weeks after we first met. I ghosted him for 24 hours after our first sex, (because I worried if I shouldn’t have gone that fast.) he was very unhappy about my ghost behaviour. The following dates after this we’ve got closer to each other, I feel, we went to live music, have deep conversations about each other, and we had even more passionate sex before I went home then we kept texting each other till 2am. the day after we had lunch together with his friend , his friend found me cute. When we had sex, I felt it was not just sex for him, I could feel his love and care for me…
    Is me being ghosted also the reason that He now SUDDENLY says we are on different page and should part ways?
    Or he just sees me as a fling?
    I feel really hurt and upset right now.
    Please help, but please tell me the truth.

    Any men out there could help me letting me know how to get him back?

  • Mike October 2, 2017, 4:49 am

    Hey, I broke up with my girlfriend and went about 4 months with little to no contact. I have recently wanted to get back with her realizing I really do want to be serious with her. This time away help me realize that. I ended up talking to her but made mistakes in long messages about getting back. She took some time to think about it and then said she didn’t want to go trough all this again. I told her I wanted to get a drink and that I didn’t expect us to just get right back together. She finally said I’m willing to get a drink but let’s talk later and arrange it then when I am almost home. (She is away for a month). It’s been almost a week since that. Do I wait a month or should I message her somtning light before then. do I do no contact? Her birthday is in 2 weeks I was thinking about messaging her then, then a week later start with somtning fun and eventually get into having a drink with her if she still will. I’m not sure if she wants a drink for closure or if she feels bad for me or is it cause she is giving me a chance to show her I’m taking this seriously. I broke up with her and I hurt her I know she doesn’t want to be hurt again and I’m not trying to get back with her only to dump her again, I want her to see that. What should I do? Can I message her somtning fun so she doesn’t think every time i want to say some ting isn’t just about serious relationship talk that she “can’t take in” right now. Or should i wait for her birthday and then again when it’s closer to next month. I know she’s trying to protect herself from being hurt and it’s also been months and she told me how she’s finally back to normal. Does that mean she moved on? She said I wish you had this convo with me earlier but now i don’t know. Any advice would really help me. Thank you

  • alex September 14, 2018, 4:45 am

    hey Kevin

    my ex girlfriend and I dated for about 2 and a half years,we are in the same classroom,we used to be the magic couple that everyone praised because we loved each other very much.Things started to change when she met a friend who made her change in a drastic way,she started lying to me about almost everything…when time went by I figured out she was seeing another guy who she was friends with from preschool…I decided to breakup with her a week ago,but I can’t move on because I still love her that much…

    what should I do to get her back??

    thank you

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