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How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If You Cheated

cheating_exTo be honest, if you cheated, then getting your ex girlfriend back is completely dependent on one thing and one thing only. We will talk about that later in this article, but first let’s talk about a few important things.

Why You Cheated?

Were you unhappy in the relationship with your ex? Was it just a one-time mistake? Or you had been sneaking behind her back for a long time and you got caught?

You have to be completely honest with yourself about why you cheated. In my experience, there could be 3 reasons for cheating.

1. It was one time mistake.

You got drunk, you got horny and you made a mistake. You realized you made a mistake and you either confessed or she found out herself. Regardless, she does not want to forgive you and you regret making the mistake.

If that’s the case, then you still have a pretty good chance of getting her back. Since it was just a one-time mistake, you just have to follow the instructions in this guide and hopefully she will come back to you. Of course, there is still a chance that she won’t take you back and you have to accept that.

2. You are a serial cheater. 

37194965You two had a perfectly good relationship but still you decided to cheat on her. In fact, you have been cheating on her for a long time and she found out recently. If that’s the case, then you really need some soul searching before getting back together. Maybe you are the type of person who needs to sleep with a lot of women to be happy. Maybe you have some issues. Wouldn’t it be better to solve your issues and understand yourself before jumping into a relationship? I am not asking you to change. Far from it. I am asking you to accept yourself for who you are. Perhaps, monogamy is not for you.

Listen, you can probably follow this guide and get her back, but that does not mean you will be in a happy relationship with her. You might end up hurting her again. If you really love her, it’s better to let her go, unless you are absolutely sure you will not cheat on her again.

3. You were unhappy in the relationship and wanted something more

Then there is the type of cheating where you were just unhappy with her and you decided instead of working on the relationship problems (or breaking up with her), you will just go and do the deed with the hot girl from the bar.

Listen, I understand that relationships and monogamy is hard and the novelty of an affair is tempting. But if you chose to have an affair instead of working on your problems, then perhaps it’s for the best that the relationship ended.

Of course, you still have a chance of getting your ex girlfriend back, but remember that you will have to work a lot rebuild the trust in your relationship (along with the problems in the relationship that were making you unhappy).Do you think your relationship with her will be strong enough to handle the stress that comes after an affair?

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back After You Cheated On Her

Now, I said in the starting of this article that getting back together after cheating depends on one thing and one thing only. And that one thing is her level of investment in the relationship.

Most girls will end a relationship instantly when they find out the guy cheated. However, if they are heavily invested in the relationship (time, expectations, kids) they will consider giving you another chance PROVIDED they see a hope that they can trust you again.

She needs to see a glimmer of hope that you will never betray her again and she can trust you again. If so, then she will probably give you another chance.

How can you make her see that there is hope and there is still a solid chance of the relationship working?

First of all, it doesn’t happen right away. You have to give her enough time and space to work her emotions. And you have to work on yourself as well. Basically, you follow Step 2 and Step 3 of this guide diligently. You will have to follow no contact for a while. However, since you cheated, you should always answer her calls when and if she calls. When you answer her calls, you should treat her as an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Don’t get too personal and don’t talk about your feelings. Be amicable and respectful, but don’t make any of the mistakes listed in Step 1 of the article.

After Getting Back Together

What is the point of getting back together with her if you two constantly keep fighting because she doesn’t trust you anymore? If you want to get back together, then you better be prepared to face the aftermath of reconciliation. You will have to work really hard to rebuild the trust in your relationship again.

Since you are the one who cheated, you will have to give up your privacy for a while. You will have to be OK with her checking up on you and reading your private messages. I know this behavior is usually considered needy but this is a special case. You cheated on her and she is giving you another chance. If you want her to trust you again, you will have to be OK with it till the time she can trust you again.

{ 77 comments… add one }
  • T December 31, 2013, 5:59 pm

    I was a in a great loving relationship for almost 2 years. My gf had given 120% in the relationship beyond any doubt. About a year and 9 months into the relationship, I met a girl at a concert. I danced with her, got her number and pursued her via text for 3 weeks. We met up 3 times during this period. I french kissed her once. Nothing more ever happened. But the text messages were emotionally charged and very flirtatious. Then she thought I was pursuing her too aggressively so she cut me off. A month later I went to a birthday party (Aug 2013) with gf where by pure coincidence, this girl happened to be there. She knew a friend of my gf. Shit hit the fan. At the party everyone kept their cool but after, she told everything to the common friend who in turn told my gf. My gf couldn’t believe it and was in utter shock. She wanted to break up with me that weekend but I convinced her to just give me a chance. So for the next few weeks there was an uneasy situation where we would meet up and have a good time but afterwards she was distant and cold. Finally she had to know the whole truth so she met that other girl and went through all the text messages (Sep 2013). She called me to come to a bar and in front me and the other girl showed me every text message I had sent. She screamed at me, humiliated me and finally asked me to get the f*ck out of there and never to contact her again. So I left. The next morning I called her cell, her mother picked up the phone and yelled at me that should I ever come near her daughter ever again, there will grave consequences to face. But after a few days I sent flowers with my apology. Couple of weeks later I went to her work parking lot with flowers, chocolate and a ring (I wanted to marry her and she knew it). But all she said to me as she was walking to her car after work was that she was scared that I was going to hurt her and begged me to leave her alone. There was no emotions from her at all. I went home. Still I tried to text her a few times about good memories and our love but she blocked me. Then few weeks later I wrote her a really long romantic poem and sent it via email. There has been no communication from her whatsoever for the last 3 months. I know I did a wrong thing. I have started therapy since Oct. I realize I love my gf more than anything in this world and will do anything for her to give me another chance. I cry everyday. I cant focus at work for that matter anything in life. But I dont know what else to do. I dont contact her anymore whatsoever. Help me..

    • Kevin January 2, 2014, 9:42 am

      Hey T,

      OK, you messed up. It’s good you are going to therapy. Like I said in the article, she needs to see some hope in a relationship with you. I think you should continue working on yourself and contact her again after some time. Let her know that you have tried to change and work on your issues. If she gives you another chance, great. If not, you should cut your losses and concentrate on moving on.

      • T January 2, 2014, 3:19 pm

        Its been almost 4 months now since Sep 2013. There has been no communication whatsoever from her. She’s blocked my number. Deep inside I get the feeling she has really moved on, maybe even has another bf. I am the one stuck with guilt and loss and its overwhelming. I don’t know how to move on, what to do. I go to therapy once a week, doesn’t seem to help much. I read articles & books related to this. Nothing helps. I have no desire to go out and meet anyone else.

  • T January 2, 2014, 3:24 pm

    And how in the world do I give her any hope that she can trust me again that will make her want to be with me again, when she has cut me off so much. I really lobe her but I don’t know how to show this anymore. I know deep inside I will never betray her ever again or let her down but it doesn’t matter because she simply does not care anymore.

    • Kevin January 3, 2014, 3:30 pm

      Hey T,

      She has cut you off but she won’t be so much defensive if you give her some time. That’s the only option you have. Give her some time and if she lets you contact her, then you take it from there.

  • dan February 28, 2014, 9:08 pm


    Having a bit of a downer today, normally the day I would go to hers and see her. Just feel rubbish that thinking back that she could’ve been cheating, maybe not sleeping together but to be texting him and stuff, then for him to be round hers less than two weeks after she left me. The person that I trusted and was so good to me could just suddenly do that and not care about me.

    Obviously you know that there will be loads of feelings going through my head. “Hope she gets what she deserves”, “Hope she contacts me in the future” and all that. I want her to come back so I can have the decision on my own to say no or what ever I will say.

    Took the week off work so I can spend some good time with the family. The Thoughts are not now occupying 100% of my head. I am having a better time and my friends are being fantastic.


    • dan February 28, 2014, 9:42 pm

      But I am the better person because I didn’t do anything bad or hurtful. I would rather be me right now than her. I still have all my friends, family, job, money, car, hobbys… all I lost was her. Where she has lost a lot more than she has gained and for what? I will feel bad for some time but things might just get worse for her.

      Can’t work people out sometimes.

      • Kevin March 2, 2014, 12:31 pm

        Hang in there Dan. You are right about her losing more than she gained.

  • dan March 2, 2014, 8:16 pm

    Thanks, you really are doing a service to loads of people here.

    I think I do just need to get through these thoughts and feelings. I had a dream last night that I was able to see her facebook and again and we where still FB friends. She had posted pictures of her self (which is out of character anyway) But she had tattoos and piercings And I just hated it because I just think what have you done to yourself. My dad said it is probably your mind saying she has moved on, and you are ready to now as well.

    I still feel lost, because I haven’t had the opportunity to say anything about it and I probably will never be able to. I think if she did I would say no. She has done too much.
    Still just can’t get over how good we were today and its all just gone.



    • dan March 3, 2014, 8:11 pm

      Mum has done some googling. I haven’t really.

      Hasn’t really mentioned each other that much online, that I can see. But she is showing him things that we loved together, like songs and films. She must be missing me to make her try to make him like me and how we were. She is not original at all then. Its stuff I showed her.

      He has also grown a beard, she hated beards.

      But its her loss. I am awesome.

      • dan March 5, 2014, 10:37 pm

        Well, surprisingly saw her today, drove past her. She looked really unhappy. She was in the car with her mum. Car was dirty and she was stuck waiting for my traffic lights.

        I had my awesome card in play. Drove past her, saw it was her and pointed at her all the way. I think she was shocked to see me. As it was during times where I should be working but I took the week off. If she didn’t see that my mum was in the car, then she would think I was with someone else too. I think I messed up her day really badly. She looked like a rabbit in headlights.

      • Kevin March 12, 2014, 9:08 pm

        haha. Yes you are. 🙂

        • dan March 13, 2014, 4:59 pm

          Starting to really enjoy things again. Still miss her and love her, but thats something that I have to deal with as time passes.

          Funny thing is, She is really needy and hes just gone away for a month and a bit to do night shifts, so she wont see him for about the same time that they have been together.

          She will be hating this. I think this may define what happens next in their relationship. She may start to miss me, as I would see her at least everyday. She may try and contact. I’m not sure what I would do. Written so much down as to what I would say to her but I don’t know, anyway, can’t get my hopes up.

          She is has done another fail thing, again on a wednesday, Accidentally visited a mobile online game what we played. And she did something on my place. Bet she really regretted that.


          • radha November 11, 2014, 1:24 am

            U dont love her u just dont want her to have the one up. If she had cheated on u u wouldn’t want her and thats how she feels about u go find a woman u wont hurt or cheat on. And leave the poor girl alone u hurt her enough.

  • A March 16, 2014, 1:01 am

    I’m 20 years old and was in a living relationship with the girl of my dreams for 3 years. About a year and a half into our relationship I went to college about 2 1/2 hours away from her. We started to feel really distant and trust became a major issue for the first few months of college. We decided to take a break a few months into college, not breaking up, just taking time to ourselves to see if it’s what we want. During this break I cheated on her. And then a few months later I did it again, or reasons I’m unsure of. I’ve never contacted or tried to keep contact with those girls at all. Did I mention both times I was really drunk? Well, I was. It was a mistake an I know it was. I know I would never cheat or hurt her again. She found out about 8 months after it happened, not from me. I felt a hell of a lot of guilt for not telling her myself. Anyways, she have me another chance for about 2 months and I didn’t put in any effort to change and then about a month ago we split. Worst decision of my life, it was a mutual decision. We kept contact almost everyday talking about things we would do differently, I always told her how I could change and would never hurt her again. She just told me she wanted time and space to see if it’s what she wants. So I am giving her this time and space for her to think. I constantly want to text her but I want to respect her at the same time, I am lost and don’t know how to handle this or what to do. And the hardest part is she’s in college to and she goes out often. So I constantly am reminded of her. I feel like she is doing this to make me feel jealous but I could be wrong.

    • Kevin March 17, 2014, 5:35 pm


      I think you are doing the right thing by giving her space and time. Unfortunately, you can’t do anything else at the moment. Start making changes in your life and contact her after some time.

  • Roy March 31, 2014, 5:23 am

    Hi Kevin – My girlfriend of two years rejected me after telling me for while that I wasn’t bringing her into my life enough. She also overheard a Skype conversation in which I said some compliments to a woman and kissed her at the end of the visit. So we’re pretty much in no-contact although she did show up at my house last Friday night asking for comfort from having a bad week. She left after I started talking about how I wanted to make things different. But she negated it the next day by emailing that “I shouldn’t have used you for comfort. It was selfish. You love me too much to be my friend.” Should I write her a long letter explaining the exact relationship with that woman she overheard? I think she imagines that there was much more going than there was. Thank you!

    • Kevin March 31, 2014, 8:05 pm

      If she broke up because of what she assumed your relationship with that girl was, she has a lot of issues and you should seriously think before getting her back. You don’t need to write a long letter though. Just send her a small text and then start no contact.

      • Roy March 31, 2014, 8:25 pm

        Thank you, Kevin – She doesn’t know what to think about what I was doing with that other woman. Also, she left because she got tired of my not bringing her more into my life. I don’t know how to convince her that what we had is worth fixing and working on what I feel are solvable problems (trust & intimacy). So I am afraid that if I stay away, I will have no impact on her thinking that it is unfixable. My thought was to show up at her house with a key to my house and present it to her. She told me that she is really upset with me and that she’s not sure she can go back. she is also doubtful that anyone can change. She is just starting individual therapy. All this being the case, should I still do the No contact? Thank you very much!

        • Kevin April 1, 2014, 2:14 pm

          Yes, I do think. If you want, you can tell her before starting no contact that you both need space and time and you won’t be contacting her for a while. Give her time to think about things and hopefully the therapy will help her deal with her confusion.

          • Roy April 1, 2014, 5:46 pm

            Thank you….last night and this morning I sent a long email explaining the details about that woman who she overheard me with on Skype (and with who I had an ongoing friendship that included some kissing). I explained to her the limits of the physical contact with her and other issues she was suspicious about. This is the email chain this morning:

            Her: I think it would be best if we stop this now.
            you don’t need to explain anything more to me.
            thank you

            Me: Okay….would it be okay if we met and talked?

            Me:I want to be with you. And do whatever I or we can to make that possible.

            Her: no, I don’t think that is possible.
            I am sorry I need you to stop now.
            please stop sending me emails I need to be left alone.

            Me: Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll stop. When people love each other, I believe that it’s possible to find each other again. I hope you can consider this. I will leave you alone.

            Have I blown it? What should I do from here? Your help is so valuable.
            Thank you again so much!

          • Kevin April 2, 2014, 5:45 pm

            Start no contact for at least a month, maybe even two. Then contact her after that as a friend.

  • Roy April 11, 2014, 12:30 pm

    Hi Roy – After 10 days of no contact (two year relationship, I cheated), I got this text this morning: “I’m so mad at you. I’m so angry. You ruined my life. I have your brother’s heater can I leave it at Isabel’s for you to get and give to him? I hate him too. I hate you all. All men. You’re all stupid horrible people.” What should I do? Thank you…Roy

    • Kevin April 14, 2014, 6:47 pm

      Don’t reply. Follow no contact for another 20 days and then send the letter mentioned in this article.

  • Roy April 11, 2014, 9:03 pm

    Later today she sent this: “I should probably not text anyone at 3:30inmorning and while I do hate you I think you already know that.” Thank you!

    • Roy April 16, 2014, 10:50 pm

      Before I got your message, I only texted one thing back – “I know you do…” I was already in no contact for two weeks. Did I blow it? Thank you. As per your email, I bought the Text Your Ex Back system yesterday.

      • Kevin April 18, 2014, 4:56 pm

        I don’t think you blew it.

        • Roy April 18, 2014, 10:28 pm

          Thank you, Kevin.

  • Roy April 20, 2014, 2:17 am

    She texted me this a couple of days ago: so sad. feeling sorry for myself. I wish I didn’t hear you. I wish that was my only problem with us. Will you tell me if you can how Leo is?

    Leo is my 15 year old son.

    Don’t know if this is positive in terms of her coming back.



    • Kevin April 20, 2014, 10:22 am

      Good sign. You can tell her how Leo is. But only keep the conversation related to your son.

  • Roy April 21, 2014, 1:27 am

    Ok…thank you! Is it a good sign even though she is saying that she wishes she DIDN’T hear me? Doesn’t that sound like she is saying she wishes she wasn’t missing me?
    Thanks again. Roy

    • Kevin April 29, 2014, 6:53 pm

      Definitely a good sign. It sounds like she wants to get back together, but she couldn’t because a part of her is stopping her because of the incident. She will get over with time.

  • Roy May 5, 2014, 1:14 am

    Thank you Kevin. well, last weekend I broke and texted her and sent a “plan of how we could work it out. I wasn’t sappy. I was forceful, passionate and clear. She reacted neutrally but nicely. The next day, I made the error of sending a list of things I love about her. Here are the email responses: “Jesus What the fuck. It’s really hard to move on from you. You are not an easy book. I’m fucked up. You have to leave me alone. I’m having a real hard time with this. I’m trying to date people I hate and I’m trying to move on and it’s really hard and horrible and depressing.” and this one the next morning: I said: Do you not want to try with me again? and she sent this: I don’t think I can. that list of observations on what you will miss is endearing and something I ordinarily would be crushed by, but I see it as a trap now. It’s what you mourn and it is a brilliant trick, my inner world used against me like magic (I think she means to make her miss me). It is in some ways a violation something you took from me that I can’t get back. So after a few desperate emails from me, she said she needs to be left alone for awhile – very polite. So I have restarted no contact. Did I ruin it? Thank you as always!

    I am not ok.

    • Kevin May 7, 2014, 7:24 am

      You shouldn’t have done that. You can’t make it obvious you want her back. But you still have a chance if you start no contact again.

  • Roy May 5, 2014, 1:17 am

    Hi – It was her that said “I am not okay” at the end there. I forgot to mention that we had one light exchange before all this happened where we teased each other like we did before she broke up with me. Thanks.

  • RoY May 5, 2014, 2:09 am

    These are the last two communications:

    we have to stop this for a while. I need to be still and figure out my life. I am sorry if that is not the way you want it(I wanted her to be willing to work on it or see a therapist)….I really am sort of messed up. Thank you for letting me be for a while.


    Hi Sarah – please don’t apologize. I’m sorry for saying too much. And I’m sorry that you feel so messed up and awful. I wish I could do something to ease that which I caused.

    I love you.

    • Roy May 8, 2014, 1:22 am

      Hi Kevin – Thank you. You are right. I know I shouldn’t have done that. I have started no contact again, of course. I’m glad you think I still have a chance, even with her saying “I don’t think so” to my question ” Do you not want to try with me again?” I am planning two months of no contact. I am assuming that that’s not too long. Very hard to do but I’ll do it. Thank you so much, Kevin.

  • Roy May 8, 2014, 7:18 pm

    Hi Kevin –
    I have a quick question. A young man that Sarah and I both knew sadly passed away and the memorial is Tuesday, 5/13. I think that I shouldn’t go, because it would really break no contact. I can send flowers instead. Do you agree? I can ask a person we both know to pass the message on to her that she can go and that I won’t be there. Thank you!

    • Kevin May 9, 2014, 7:43 am

      Hey Roy,

      I don’t think it’ll break no contact. If you have to have a conversation with her, keep it short and don’t talk about anything personal.

  • Roy May 9, 2014, 5:10 am

    Hi Kevin –
    I have decided not to go to the memorial. To not break no contact. I am worried that because her last email was so mad at me (saying I “stole from her” those things I said I love about her), that she will never want to come back, that she is too mad and hurt. What do you think? Thank you!

  • Roy May 10, 2014, 9:08 pm

    Hi Kevin – Is it a good idea to have an intermediary tell her that I am not going to the memorial, so I can maintain No Contact? Thank you as usual. You are beyond helpful!


  • Roy May 10, 2014, 9:09 pm

    Oops – just saw your answer – thank you! Ignore my last message…..the go-between may have already told her….

  • Roy May 10, 2014, 9:12 pm

    Because she felt so crashed on a week ago by my series of emails, I think it is better for me not even to initiate a text, even though it’s for a non-personal matter. I’m thinking that any texting should be initiated only by her. Does this sound reasonable?


  • Roy May 10, 2014, 9:13 pm

    Hi Kevin –

    On another note, because you are so amazingly helpful, I wanted to ask if I can send you some money in appreciation of your help. I hope this isn’t insulting. I just really appreciate you so much. Let me know.


    • Kevin May 15, 2014, 5:08 pm

      Hey Roy,

      I am not insulted at all. If you like, you can buy the product I recommend in my email series. You can subscribe to the email series at the end of this page.

  • Roy May 13, 2014, 5:16 am

    Hi Kevin – I have a quick question. We have been broken up for 6 weeks. When she says she is trying to move on and that she is dating, does that mean it’s over for good? Thank you!

    • Kevin May 15, 2014, 5:44 pm

      Not necessarily.

  • Roy May 15, 2014, 5:27 pm

    Hi Kevin – I bought the series. Thank you. I wanted to ask you this: We have been broken up for 6 weeks. When she says she is trying to move on and that she is dating, does that mean it’s over for good? Thank you!

  • Roy May 18, 2014, 2:19 am

    Hi Kevin – When you say that her angrily saying she is trying to move on is not necessarily a sign that she is, is it a good sign that she has an emotional charge when she says it? I am staying in No contact…going on the third week since I re-began NC as you suggested. Thank you.

    • Kevin May 21, 2014, 6:11 pm

      Yes it is.

  • Roy May 21, 2014, 8:53 pm

    Hi Kevin – Thank you! That’s reassuring. It seems counter-intuitive that an emotional charge is a positive sign, but I suppose that no charge really means that it’s over….thank you again. She put a status box on her Facebook page (you have to ask her about her her status). So that really got me because it’s her way of telling the world she is available and single. (I did NOT inquire in the little box about her stasus, of course and I am really sticking to no-contact. Thank you, Kevin.

  • Roy May 21, 2014, 8:53 pm

    The little box says “ask Sarah about her relationship status”….

  • Roy May 28, 2014, 2:39 am

    Hi Kevin – It’s been four weeks with nothing from her – no texts as she was doing occasionally, nothing. She put on her Facebook page that she was available. I am tempted to contact her. What should I do?

    • Kevin May 30, 2014, 5:35 pm

      Wait another weak and contact her.

  • Roy May 30, 2014, 8:21 pm

    Hi Kevin – Thank you for answering. Initially I was following your advice to consider two or even three months of NC. In my gut I think it might be too early to contact her in a week. I think she is still in the place of big anger about what I did (cheating including an emotional relationship with another person whom I never actually was in love with, and ignoring her). So it seems more risky to have contact too early than to wait longer. I saw her at a memorial two weeks ago and she seemed either very mad or very hurt and sad or both. So do you think I should keep the NC going? THANK YOU!

    • Kevin June 3, 2014, 6:13 pm

      Yes, continue no contact.

      • Roy June 5, 2014, 12:14 am

        Thank you very much, Kevin. I am enjoying your emails this week.

  • Roy June 5, 2014, 12:22 am

    Dealing With Insecurities is great!!! Wish I had read it before…

  • Audie June 19, 2014, 5:16 am

    This is, oddly enough, coming from the other side. My boyfriend and I were only together for a few months when I got a message from a girl telling me my boyfriend had been talking to her flirtatiously the past few days. They were briefly involved before I met him.
    I asked why, of course. He says it’s because he feels like he has a problem and he feels like he has to flirt with women. He’s also never been in a real relationship and has been a single US Marine for the past year or so. He tells me that he really does care about me. He even deleted his old social media accounts and created new ones without adding all the unnecessary people (from what I know.) He seems like he’s making an effort. But what can I do on my end to make sure that when, or if, we decide to get back together that it doesn’t became a destructive relationship. Also what can I do so he truly understands the severity of the situation?

  • Roy June 24, 2014, 3:22 am

    Hi Kevin – It’s been almost seven weeks of no contact….I can’t figure out, if she felt connected to me and loved me the way she says she did, how she can stay away from me. She says half kiddingly that I ruined her life and that I am the only one that got her emotionally and physically…but since she got mad about a list of things I love about her that I sent to her, there has been nothing…I don’t understand how she can be done with me. I don’t know what to do. Thank you…..

  • Roy July 3, 2014, 8:01 pm

    Hi Kevin – After two months of no contact, I got this email today. I feel crushed. I don’t know how to respond or if I should respond at all.

    Hey Roy.
    I wanted to write and let you know I am in a good place right now. I hope you are doing ok.
    Nora is good. She’s been good. She asks about you from time to time.
    I have been dating a nice guy and have been moving on.
    He has a little boy close to Nora’s age and we are happy.
    I hope you will continue to respect my space and I want to thank you for doing so these past few months.
    I am thankful for the fun times we had and am happy I got to know you.
    I wish you the best. I hope you and Leo and Jake are good.
    Let me know what you think. Thank you as always.


  • Roy July 7, 2014, 6:58 pm

    Hi Kevin –
    I don’t know what to do next. Should I stay away or should I break NC and try to talk to her?
    And do you think there’s any hope for her and me? Thank you very much….Roy

  • Roy July 12, 2014, 7:43 am

    One thought was to call or see her and try to get her to see that I am working on the things that I did that made the relationship so hard for her – faithfulness, honesty and commitment. (in the hopes that I can make her consider me again). Is this a good idea? Thank you again….


    • jordan July 27, 2014, 2:05 am

      Hey Roy-
      I’ve been following your story since the very beginning and I’m curious to know how you are and what ended up happening? I’m in a similar situation.

  • Roy July 30, 2014, 1:58 am

    Hi Kevin – I’m not sure what to do here….should I approach her or keep staying away (as she
    kind of asks for in her letter – ” I hope you will continue to respect my space “). Let me know what you think. Thank you very very much. Roy

    • Charles May 5, 2015, 1:41 pm

      Roy, how is everything? I am curious about what turns out

  • James August 5, 2014, 6:52 am

    6 years I’ve been with this one girl we’ve been through everything you could think of and a couple of days ago I cheated on her, must I remind you 6 years, oh yea and a 1 1/2 year old son she’s says this was the last straw she cosign on my car traded it in and now about to kick me out what do I do to ease her back into my life I can’t see me without her I know this isn’t time as well I just need her in my life.

    • Kevin August 9, 2014, 8:22 am

      Follow the advice in the article.

  • jeff August 7, 2014, 12:08 am

    I am kind of in the same situation
    Got this amazing girl I love. It is kind of my real first and serious love. I cheated on her nine months ago. After great efforts we made it up. But two weeks ago on an episode of severe depression I messed up again with the same girl. This time I am really crushed down. I hav begged (did not know abt the no contact time) she says she has forgiven me. But I see a lack of enthusiam and lack of trust from her. I am really committed to do everything for it never ever to happen again. But dont know if we can get back to what we had before. All my friends tell me two times is too much. I don’t know what to do. Should I start a modified no contact time. I am affraid a guy she may be interested with may come and snatch her away. I am restless what can I do to work this relationship to the best possible outcome. I dont want her to

  • Phil August 31, 2014, 11:50 pm

    Hey doc. So me & my ex gf broke up in january. We just began to work our way back & built a great friendship. During the time we were working our way back things were going as close to perfect as possible so we both agreed they’re would be no sex with anyone outside of us. I violated that rule & had sex with someone else. I told her about it that same night just out of love & respect for her but now she won’t talk to me anymore. I love this girl to death didn’t intend to hurt her seeing that i was still single in a way & we weren’t having sex @ the time. What should i do should i just give her space & let her figure things out or should i let go & move on.

  • angeline Griffin September 12, 2014, 2:00 am

    Hello. Well I was unhappy in my relationship and let her go to pursue someone else. I regret that desion. I can’t sleep. My concentration at work is completely gone. Everyone noticed I’m depressed. I want her back but I think she moved on. Why couldn’t I see what I had befor??

  • Robin October 1, 2014, 11:01 pm

    Me and my ex dated for two years and we broke up, long story short I slept with another girl twice, once a three way. This was when we were broken up and she found out, and not even from me but I was going to tell her.
    She tried to make things work, but the person who told her kept terrorizing her about the situation and couldn’t let her get over it. She then couldnt handle it and gave up on us.
    She then proceeded to hook up with another guy at a club, reasons unkown.

    I did no contact for a week then got worried and caved, I then called her and we ended up hanging out. Things went really well but during the meet we got touchy and cuddly, and then she got emotional about what I did since she cant get over it and it sort of ruined our time. That night we talked, but she then she stopped texting me back altogether, but while we hung out, she said she wanted to see me again.

    We didnt talk the day after, and today I asked if she wanted to get lunch but she never replied. I texted her to see if she got my message. She never replied. I called her, but she rejected my call. Im so confused. Please someone, help.

  • khanya December 26, 2014, 5:19 pm

    I was caught red handed by my x girlfriend. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I begged for to days to no avail. I kept calling her and she would answer but we did not talk about us. 3days ago we met in a function and all was well we even kissed. I assumed she has forgiven me but today she told me that “I don’t think I can forgive you but I hope you will find someone that loves you like I did”. I didn’t reply to her text, I’m confused I don’t know what to do please help.

  • gratitude January 27, 2015, 9:08 pm

    I cheated so many Times to my

    gf n she once caught me with a lady in bed n right now she cannot feel me n she demanded a space what can I do to rectify dis cos I still want to be with her but she is very stressful?


  • Arthur February 23, 2015, 4:39 am

    I have been reading this guide and will have to say it makes things sound hopeful.

    Here is my story.

    My ex-girlfriend and I dated for 3 years and were living together for the last 5-6 months. Anyways, to get to the point I started taking things for granted and cheated on her with someone that I met online. She eventually went through my phone and found text messages. I completely denied that I cheated on her, and we were starting to move forward with things. I cutoff all contact with the other girl, and regretted my actions. 3 months later were sitting in my car and the window fogs up(Backstory, when i was having my affair there was a night the other girl and I were hanging out in my car and she wrote her name in the window from the fog) and my ex sees the name, and it bothers her of course. Next day she calls the other women and confirms that I cheated on her. A few days later she brakes it off, and moves out. She told me during the brake up “Give some space and time, and maybe we can work things out.” How hopeful does my situation look? We were together for almost 4 years, she picked a future job because of me, and she is about to move somewhere where she wont know anybody.


  • shawn harrison September 7, 2015, 8:10 pm

    I need help! My girlfriend recently broke up with me cuz she went through my phone and saw that i cheated on her 6 months ago. During that time we had a big fight and i made a big mistake by reaching out to someone and got ***** from them but i couldnt go thru with it. I immediately thought of my girlfriend and couldnt do it. It haunted me for months after but i just tried to forget about it. Our relationship got better and it was at its best when she took my phone and found it. I tried to get her back by constantly calling and text but she wont give in. She told me she is done with me and wants me to move on and leave her alone. She then said i hurt her so bad that she cant forgive me right now. When shes ready to forgive me she will and she may forgive in the near future if i give her time and space to decide what she wants to do and want in her life. What does that mean? I really love this girl and feel awful for what i did amd want her back. Will she come back?? If she forgives me does that mean she will take me back??

  • Jay June 10, 2016, 8:18 pm


    My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship. We meet each other every three months or so. She stayed with me for three months and headed back to her country.

    We loved each other, had a happy relationship for 3 years

    Recently, she logged into my email and saw my google searches
    Where I searched for hookers, blowjobs etc etc. It was a thought crime. She saw all these searches for the past few months. Also while she was staying with me, she saw my Instagram and that I was flirting with a few girls.

    All this has lead to a turmoil and her dumping me in return

    She feels betrayed.

    Is there anyway I can get her back? I love her very much.

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