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How to Stop Obsessive Thoughts about Your Ex

One of the frustrating challenges after a breakup is trying to stop obsessive thoughts about your ex. Unfortunately, there isn’t a switch in your mind which you can turn off. If there was, no one in this world would be suffering from mental illness.

Obsessive thoughts about your ex are just like any other obsessive thoughts. If you try to suppress them, it will only be helpful for a few minutes. If you try to suppress it for very long, it’s going to build up a lot of negative energy inside and it will come back with great vengeance and furious anger ready to take over your mind.

vengeance and anger

Yes, if you try to suppress your thoughts, anger is just going to build up inside till it explodes.

So how do you exactly deal with obsessive thoughts?

The first thing you need to do is understand that these thoughts are separate from you. You have to detach yourself from your mind and realize that it’s just thoughts.

Observing your thoughts without letting them affect you is something that takes practice and discipline. Many times, while observing the thoughts, you will find yourself lost in the obsession.

The first rule is to be kind to yourself if you are obsessive about your ex. You have to realize that it is completely normal and even though it might be frustrating and painful, it will not last forever. You will stop obsessing over your ex.

Try to observe your thoughts as if they were clouds passing over your head. Look at each thought as its coming and flying away. Let it go gracefully. Don’t try to get rid of it and don’t try to suppress it.

If you are constantly bothered by these thoughts, set aside a time of day to obsess over your ex. You can think as much as you want about your ex during this time. But still use the basic observing technique to observe your thoughts. Practice separating yourself from your thoughts. It will help you in every aspect of your life.

A Few Quick Tips

If you find your thoughts disturbing your everyday life, use one of the following techniques to quiet down your mind.

  1. Write down whatever you are thinking. Sometimes, just writing down gives your mind the satisfaction that every thought is safe and it doesn’t need to repeat it again and again so you don’t forget it.
  2. Talk to a friend or therapist. For some people, writing things down doesn’t do the trick. They need to have a conversation with someone to let it out.
  3. Do something that you enjoy. Distracting your mind into something positive does not build up negative energy. It just gives you the peace that you need at this time. Distracting your mind is OK as long as you are not forcing yourself to stop thinking. It’s OK to force yourself to think something positive.

In the end, remember that your mind is a machine which has a specific way of working. After a breakup, your mind is hurt and it doesn’t know how to function properly. You have to be careful and treat it with the care and patience it needs.

{ 5 comments… add one }
  • edwick January 12, 2015, 12:25 pm

    thank you this is quite useful

  • Rich February 9, 2016, 7:49 pm

    Very, very helpful advice. Thank you so much. I really want to change and have my obsession for an ex (who I mean no harm to) fade, so she and I are free to live our lives seperately, in body and mind

    • Hari April 25, 2016, 2:13 am

      I feel the same. God bless:))

  • Adrian September 21, 2016, 1:01 pm

    i really can’t express how thankful am i to you, sometimes it’s just so natural for me to criticized myself of these thoughts without thinking objectively. I really appreciate your advices. THANK YOU!

  • Michelle December 29, 2016, 3:45 pm

    Thank you useful tips.

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