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Step 4 – THE GRIEF

Going through the grief process is something that will automatically happen to you. Unless you try to avoid it, you will go through different stages of grief after a breakup. It is highly recommended that you let yourself feel the emotions and don’t try to suppress it. If you run away from the grief process, these feelings will remain inside you and you will not be able to move on for a long time.

Going through so many emotions may make you think that you really love your ex. Why else would you be feeling all this? But it’s not exactly the love for your ex that’s making you go through these emotions. It’s the fact that you are human.

As a human, when you lose someone or something, it is normal for the mind and the body to feel grief. It’s part of evolution. It is your minds way of processing the loss.

It is possible that you will go through each stage more than once. The stages of grief are in no particular order and you might find yourself falling back to a stage that you’ve already been to. It’s OK. Don’t panic. It’s completely normal. Just let yourself feel the emotions until you finally know that you’ve moved on.

Here are the stages of grief that you will experience.

#1 Shock, Disbelief and Denial

This baby is just too damn cute to not put here.

You will not be able to believe that the relationship has ended. You may still feel like that you are together and don’t want to make any effort to move on. It is possible that you convince yourself that it is just another fight and your ex will return after some time. If you didn’t see your breakup coming, then this phase might last for a long time. But when it’s over, you will go over to the second phase.

#2 Emotions and Obsessive Thoughts

During this phase you are likely to feel a lot of emotions including love, anger, guilt, anxiety, depression, jealousy, disappointment and confusion.  The emotions that you feel are probably going to keep you stuck in obsessive thoughts about your ex and the relationship.

During this phase, it is possible that you may feel anger and love towards your ex at the same time. Your mind is trying to make sense of what happened and you are going to feel all the emotions that come with it.


Don’t let this phase take a toll on your health. Make sure you get enough sleep and eat healthy.

Some people even have trouble eating, sleeping or even working properly during this phase. It is important for you to know that all of this is normal and it will go away. Allow yourself to feel the emotions. It’s OK if you feel angry, confused, jealous, or even love. The only thing that matters is you handle your emotions in a healthy way.

When you feel angry, you need to make sure you don’t take out your anger on any of your friends, family or even your ex. Feel your anger and know that it is just a feeling and it will go away. If need be, find something to punch (like a pillow) and take out all your anger on it.

Similarly, when you are feeling jealous, do not become a stalker and try to find out what your ex is doing. If you are having obsessive thoughts about your ex, write about it in your journal and find some ways to take your mind off them.

If you think you are getting seriously depressed, you should definitely go see a therapist. And if at any time you are getting suicidal thoughts, make sure you call suicide hotline and get help immediately. There is no shame in getting help when you need it. Even the strongest people require help sometimes.

You will have to go through this stage no matter what. It can last for some time, but if you keep making an effort to move on, you will get through it and reach the third stage.

Make sure you take care of yourself during this stage and give yourself time to relax. Step 5 will teach you exactly what you should do to speed up the healing process of this stage.

#3 Acceptance and Moving On
move on

Running away from your feelings will not lead you to acceptance.

Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting your ex and pretending nothing ever happened. It’s when you accept what has happened, see the past relationship for what it actually was and learn to live without guilt or pain. When you accept the loss, you see your life in a new light and realize what’s really important to you.

After going through the emotional pain, people usually understand more about themselves and their priorities in life. Use it to your advantage and start planning your life in a way that you want.

It is possible that you might feel acceptance for some time and then again go back to phase 2. If it happens don’t panic. It’s just a sign that you are moving forward. Slowly the other phases will disappear you would have truly moved on.

But you will have to work to get to acceptance. The best way is to look at the relationship for what it really was. That’s where step 5 come in.

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