Your ex left a void in your life and it’s very hard to fill. Calling or contacting your ex may give you the false sense that you still have them in your life. You may think that an innocent “hello” will not do you any harm, but it’s just stopping you from moving on with your life.
If you want to get over your breakup, you will have to physically, emotionally and psychologically separate from your ex. And unless, you physically cut all roots of communication, you can’t remove them emotionally and psychologically. That’s why NO CONTACT is absolutely imperative.
While trying to apply the no contact rule, there is a good chance that you will give yourself excuse in an attempt to contact your ex. Here are some of the excuses that are very common.
You probably heard it before, and I will say it again, being friends with an ex doesn’t work out, especially if you are not completely over your breakup.
There could be 2 scenarios
1. Your ex wants to be friends
If your ex is insisting on being friends, it might be flattering to think that they want you in your life and they can’t live without having you as a part of their life.
But if you want to be realistic, you need to realize that your ex is not ready for the commitment and responsibility of a relationship, and they are not able to let go of the comfort of having someone familiar in their life.
Sure there are things that you like about your ex, that’s why you were with them. And if you think about those good qualities, you might be thinking about being friends with them. But understand that this will never be a true friendship. There will always be that tension between you two, especially right after breakup. If you are having trouble applying the no contact rule, then you are not ready to be friends with your ex.
2. You want to be friends with your ex
Let’s be honest, why do you want to be friends with your ex?
Is it because you still care about them?
Is it because you want to know what’s going on in their life?
You want to hang out with your ex?
You have a lot in common?
All the above reasons scream that you don’t want to let them go. In reality, you are just using friendship as an excuse to keep them in your life. If you and your ex are meant to be friends, you will be friends after both of you have moved on completely, but until then, you need to be strong and stay away from them.
Often, you will get a thought in your mind about what happened and something just doesn’t make sense.
“My ex me they love me and I was the best thing that happened to him. How can he suddenly leave me? How can he suddenly stop loving me?”
“I asked my ex if she loves me and she is refusing to answer me. I need to get the answer to get closure.”
“I want to talk about what happened in the relationship to find out exactly what went wrong.”
You have to realize that the answers to those questions are not going to satisfy you. You are not going to get closure by something that your ex says. You will get closure by going through the steps 3, 4 and 5.
Contacting your ex for answers or to just say something to them is only going to make you feel worse than before.
You have to accept that you and your ex’s thoughts are not compatible with each other. And unless you let go of your ex and stop contacting them, you will never find someone who is compatible with you.
Your relationship is over. And if you are secretly hoping that you will get back together and everything will be the same again, then maybe it will happen. Maybe “EVERYTHING WILL BE THE SAME AGAIN”.
You will go back in the same broken relationship which will end up in the same breakup, again. So be careful what you wish for.
Unless you get over the breakup and your ex, you will never be able to find the relationship that you truly deserve. It is possible that you get back with your ex after you have completely moved on, but that will be a new relationship, not the same old broken one.
Being friends with benefits with your ex seems like an innocent thing to do, but it’s not. You know when you are thinking, “there are no surprises there, we might as well just enjoy the sex”; you are setting yourself up for hurt.
Sex always brings up confusion and emotions with your ex. If you are in the process of getting over the breakup, you really can’t afford to give in to the horniness. If you break the no-contact rule for sex, then you are letting your sex drive destroy your peace. You have to choose, you can get laid easily and be miserable. Or you can be at peace.
You might have to constantly fight your urges to contact your ex. There are many ways to control yourself and stay on the no-contact. One of the ways to do it is to do something for yourself every time you want to break the no contact rule. Which brings us to step 3 of this program.