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How Long Will It Take Me to Get Over My Ex

Some people can get over a breakup in one week. While for others it can take, months, years and sometimes decades. It all depends on how your relationship was, how your life was, and how you handle the breakup.

Different minds have different speed and different ways of handling a loss. Unfortunately, most of the time it’s not very effective.

It can depend on a lot of things. How was your relationship with your ex? How long you were together? What type of breakup you had? How much were you committed to each other? How was your life before you met your ex? And most important of all, how do you deal with loss.

How was your relationship with your ex?

Were you two good together? Or you were fighting most of the time? Were you in an abusive relationship? Were you just a passing affair?

The fact that you broke up meant your relationship with your ex was broken. It doesn’t mean that either one of you was at fault, it just means you two were not compatible with each other.

If you think you two were good together, chances are you don’t realize what was wrong with the relationship. It’s possible that you might want to get back together. It’s also possible that you realize it has ended and you move on to the next relationship better than this one.

If you were in an abusive relationship, it will be easier for you to realize that you deserve better. Getting out of an abusive relationship feels like a breath of fresh air. But the mind still plays it’s tricks as there is still a loss of someone close to you and you still have to deal with it.

How long were you together?

The longer you were together, usually the longer it takes to get over the breakup. If you have been together for only a year or two, it might not be that much hard when compared to being together for 25 years.

The longer you were together, the more you lost your identity as a single person. If you were together for a long time, the hardest part would be to reestablish yourself as an individual, not in the eyes of the world but in your own eyes.

What type of breakup you had?

Did your ex cheat on you? Did you have a big fight? Or did you breakup amicably?

What happened during the breakup is something that takes up a lot of thought space in your mind after the breakup. If the breakup was a sudden fight or an act of infidelity, then your mind will keep working on the minute details about the breakup until it finally realizes that whatever happened during the breakup was not as important as what happened during the relationship.

How was your life before you met your ex?

This has a direct relation with how you handle breakups. Chances are, if you were a happy person before the relationship, it will be easier for you to go back to that happiness after the breakup.

A lot of times, people get into a relationship to avoid facing the pain and issues inside them. And when the relationship ends, they are again left to face that pain. If that’s you, then it might take a while to get over the breakup, but in the end it will be worth it.

How do you deal with loss?

The way you deal with loss is definitely the most important factor when it comes to the speed of recovery. Some people take everything personally and blame themselves constantly for what happened. On the other end of the spectrum, people just blame everything on their ex and build up resentment inside them. Some people just blame everything on the nature of the opposite sex which eventually leads to the doom of their next relationship.

Even though everyone goes through the grief period, what matters is how you come out of it. If you come out the other side with resentment, hate, or self-pity in your heart, then you are not really over the breakup. On the other hand, if you deal with the loss without blame and looking at things the way they really are, you are probably going to do recover a lot faster and in a healthy way.

 

3 Roadblocks You Will Face While Getting Over a Cheating Ex?

If your ex cheated on you and you are trying to get over the breakup and move on, you might find some additional roadblocks along the way of healing.

1. Why Me?

blaming yourself

Stop blaming yourself.

Blaming yourself for their cheating is one of the most common responses amongst women. Thinking about why your ex cheated on you, or whether or not you deserve a faithful partner is not going to help you get over the breakup.

However, these thoughts still do pop up in the mind every now and then. Questioning your self-worth, questioning the way you love, questioning your body image, are just a normal part of these irrational thoughts.

But the truth is, because you are hurt by the breakup, your mind is just not thinking logically. The fact that your ex cheated on you is entirely his fault. Even if your relationship was going through the worst phase in the history of bad relationship, still your ex didn’t have the right to cheat on you.

Cheating on your partner has absolutely no justification. If your ex’s justification is that they stopped loving you, they could’ve broken up.

2. The image of opposite sex

men are dogs

All men are dogs. Except this one. This is a man-dog.

Another normal reaction is to just blame it on the nature of the opposite sex. All men are cheaters or girls are sluts, is a common reaction after you’ve been cheated on.

Instead of accepting the fact that YOU CHOSE someone who is not faithful, it’s easier to accept that all the men out there are lying bastards.

The fact is there are faithful people in the world and there are cheaters. You just happened to choose a cheater. But it doesn’t mean it’s your fault. You can never truly know someone until you spend time with them. And if they cheat on you that just means you chose the wrong person. Move on and find someone else.

Whatever you do, don’t let this incident turn you into an insecure person with trust issues. You don’t want your next relationship to fail because you always blamed “ALL THE MEN” for the hurt one man gave you.

3. The Missing Phase and Hope of Getting Back Together

It’s completely natural to miss your ex after a breakup and get thoughts about giving them a second chance and getting back together. But when your ex cheated on you, this phase has an extra twist.

See because your ex cheated on you, you might think that’s the only reason why you two broke up. And if somehow you can be sure that your ex will be faithful to you in the future, you can get back together, live happily, get married, buy a house, have children, and grow old and all that dreamy stuff.

And it feels good to dream, because it will be just easier to be with them and make them faithful instead of finding love in that big scary world outside.

Let me just stop you over there and tell you that it’s not going to be so. Getting back together with your ex is a bad idea, and in this situation, even more so. For 2 very solid reason.

Your ex is not going to change. Even if you think it was a onetime mistake and everyone makes mistake and you should give them a chance, the truth is your ex made a decision when they cheated on you. They either chose the act of infidelity over your relationship, or they chose hiding this fact from you over an honest relationship. Either ways, their choices clearly indicate they don’t deserve another chance.

The second reason is that it’s going to be extremely hard for you to trust this person again. In reality, you never forget this kind of things. Even if you do get back together, it will always be in the back of your mind that your ex cheated on you and they might do it again. No matter how much open and honest they’ll be, no matter how much transparent they are about their lives, you will never be able to fully trust them again. You already broke up with them, there is a chance to be in a relationship where you can completely trust your partner, then why choose to be with someone you can never trust?

And don’t forget that these thoughts about reconciliation only occur during the grief period of getting over the breakup. It will not last long. Even if you think you should give your ex another chance, at least wait till you are completely over the breakup, that way you will know you are not making major life decision just because you are emotional.

 

Forgiving an Ex – Should You Do It?

sorry, please forgive meYour ex left you. They hurt you. They let you think that you will be with them for a long time and then shattered all your dreams. They told you they loved you and then dumped you like you didn’t even matter to them. They told you that you meant the world to them and then suddenly they wanted you to be “just friends”. They told you they’d be faithful and then they turned around and cheated on you without even thinking about how much it will be hurtful.

And after all that, you are supposed to move on. You are supposed to mend your heart without any help from your ex. You are left alone with all these hurt and you are supposed to deal with it. And on top of all that, people tell you that you should forgive your ex.

“Really? Forgive my ex? Are you kidding me? Why should I forgive my ex? My ex is the worst person I know. I don’t want to forgive my ex; I just want to move on.”

That’s what you say. That’s what anyone would say. After all, the amount of pain you have to deal with isn’t easy. It’s hard enough as it is, and you are expected to be a saint and forgive them.

Forgiving your ex is a hard concept to grasp for most people after a breakup. And it’s completely justified if you think of forgiveness as something that would help your ex clear his or her conscience.

But forgiveness is not about your ex. Forgiveness is about you. Forgiveness is about you letting go of the resentment and anger that you might have for your ex. There are many reasons to forgive your ex. Here are a few of them.

  1. When you forgive someone, you are healing yourself. The act of truly forgiving is an extremely restorative experience. When you are forgiving someone, you are moving one step closer (or maybe taking the final step) to moving on.
  2. When you forgive, you are not really going to call your ex and tell them you forgive them. Forgiveness is not about making your ex feel better. It’s about making you feel better. When you forgive them truly from your heart, you will not have the urge to call them or even contact them anymore. When you forgive, you will be able to close this chapter of your life and begin a new one.
  3. The fact that you loved your ex once is a good reason to encourage forgiveness. Remember that you loved your ex once. If they had done something wrong to you, you would have considered forgiving them. So why not now? Forgiving them now makes even more sense.
  4. If you don’t forgive someone as important as your ex, you are only building up resentment and anger inside of yourself. Studies have shown that anger and resentment is detrimental to your health. If not for anything else, forgive your ex for your health and well-being.
  5. If you have children, then anger and resentment towards your ex will affect the well-being of your children. If you don’t forgive your ex, you are going to have conflicts and arguments with them. And it will have a negative impact on your children.

Remember, if you concentrate on taking revenge instead of improving your own life, you are just letting your feelings of resentment; anger and blame take over you. It’s like you are digging a pit for your ex but eventually you will find yourself at the bottom of it.

Forgiveness isn’t something that you can force. It will come naturally. You just have to work on getting over the breakup and don’t resist forgiveness.

Sex With Ex – Should You Do It?

sex with an exThere is no denying it that sex with an ex easy. After all, you know each other, you know what they like in bed, they know what you like in bed, you can be comfortable with them in bed and you don’t have to be conscious about anything. So why not do it? Besides, maybe you always wanted a relationship with no strings attached. The idea of being friends with benefits is exciting, but it doesn’t come without repercussions.

I am sure that even before you started reading this article, you know the answer to this question.

Should you have sex with your ex?

No. Plain and simple. But you just can’t seem to point out why. If you can go back in time to right after you broke up, when you were hurt and in pain, would you still want to sleep with them?

What has changed now?

confusedThe fact is, your mind is still clouded with emotions. The only difference is that you are experiencing different emotions than before. After a breakup, you go different stages of emotions. Initially, you might feel shock, anger, resentment, sorrow, and all the other stuff that makes you feel pity for yourself. After you are through that stage, you start missing your ex; you even have thoughts about getting back together (if you are absolutely sure, read this article on getting your ex girlfriend back). Add that to the fact that you haven’t been laid in a while, you start imagining sleeping with your ex. And if your ex is feeling the same things, then it just reinforces your justifications.

So why not do it?

If you have sex with an ex, you are going to end up hurting yourself or them. The feelings are bound to come back. The act maybe enjoyable but what follows will be nothing short of an emotional catastrophe. You will be confused, emotional, hopes, fears, promises and have many issues from the past.

If you think you are completely over your ex and you will not feel any emotions, then you are just kidding yourself. If you are really over your ex, then why not go out there and find someone ne

Another reason to not do it, is to think about what message this will send to your ex. You are just telling them that you are still dependent on them. You are telling them that they are your only option. You are telling them that you can’t go out there and find someone for yourself.

But the biggest reason to not do it is that by having sex with your ex, you are moving a step backwards. The whole point of a breakup is to MOVE ON with your life. Not move backwards.

How to Stop It?

Just don’t do it. In fact, don’t contact your ex at all. If they contact you, don’t answer. You are not liable to answer your phone calls every time someone calls you. If you are in a situation where you have to be in contact with your ex and they propose sex, have a little self-control and say no. Saying no to your ex will only empower you.

If you haven’t already, it’s time to go no-contact. Work on building your life without your ex. Sleeping with your ex simply means that you are still depending on them for something. And if you want to have a satisfying and happy relationship with someone in the future, you will have to remove your ex from your mind and your life completely.

Getting Over a Short Term Relationship with High Expectations

Sometimes, a short term relationship is much harder to get over than expected. In many cases, people are not over a relationship even one year after a relationship that only lasted 6 months. It does seem strange, but it’s completely normal. The truth is, the length of the relationship does not matter as much as how you choose to handle the breakup and work through the grief.

The biggest reason that it takes so long to move on after such a relationship is expectations. When you meet someone after long time who completely swipes you off your feet, it’s hard to not build up expectations in your mind. [click to continue…]

How to Stop Obsessive Thoughts about Your Ex

One of the frustrating challenges after a breakup is trying to stop obsessive thoughts about your ex. Unfortunately, there isn’t a switch in your mind which you can turn off. If there was, no one in this world would be suffering from mental illness.

Obsessive thoughts about your ex are just like any other obsessive thoughts. If you try to suppress them, it will only be helpful for a few minutes. If you try to suppress it for very long, it’s going to build up a lot of negative energy inside and it will come back with great vengeance and furious anger ready to take over your mind. [click to continue…]

How to Get Closure after a Breakup?

When you are asking for closure, what exactly are you expecting? Is it something like this?

I need to know if my ex still loves me. I think if I just know his feelings about me, I will get closure.

My ex was with me for 3 years. She said that she loved me and will always be with me. I have to know what happened that she went from “I Love You” to “I want a divorce”. I asked her this question but it just led to an argument. I need an answer to get closure.

I just want to tell my ex how I feel right now.

I think my ex owes me an explanation

Do you think answering these questions will lead you to closure? [click to continue…]