Alright, I know it sucks that your ex girlfriend is already dating someone else. I know just imagining the girl you love in someone else’s arm is infuriating. But I want you know that there is still hope. And if you want your ex girlfriend back even though she has another boyfriend, you have to start looking at things from a more neutral perspective.
A Complete Guide
Before we start analyzing your situation, have you read my complete guide on how to get your ex girlfriend back? If not, go to this page and read it now. It will give you a thorough idea of what you should and what you shouldn’t do. It will give you a plan that you can follow. Then you can come back later to this article for advice that is more tailored to your situation.
So Your Girlfriend Is With Someone Else
OK, I know that right now, you just want her to come back to you as soon as possible. But that’s not going to happen. In fact, if she comes back to you this instant, then she will probably leave you again after a while. Since, you are reading this, I take it that you want your girlfriend for more than just one night. I am assuming that you want a long fruitful relationship with her. And if you want that, she should come back to you knowing that you are the best option for her. Not just because she is confused about her emotions.
Leave Her Alone and Concentrate On Yourself
The first thing you need to do is leave your girlfriend alone for a while. AKA, the no-contact rule. Don’t contact her for a month. Here is a few questions that might creep into your mind when I say this.
“What if she falls in love with this new guy? I don’t want to lose her forever.”
She won’t. This guy, is a rebound. And almost all of the rebound relationships end up in a breakup. I know it’s a little hard to accept considering the off chance that this one does work out. But it’s a really small risk you’ve to take. And the reward of this risk is getting her back in your life.
“If I stay away from her, she will forget me completely”
Again, she won’t. In fact, the more you stay away from her, the more she will miss you. I know she is with someone else, and you might think like she is just busy having fun with this guy to even remember you. But it’s not the case. She is actually quite confused in her mind all the time and even though she might be trying to forget you, this rebound relationship is not giving her the time to actually work through her emotions and move on. You are still in the back of her mind. And pretty soon, when you contact her, you will be in the front of her mind.
“I can’t stand the thought of my ex being with this guy for a month. I have to take action right now.”
OK, I know it’s a gut wrenching feeling. But you have to deal with it. In fact, it’s a good way to learn the nature of relationships. Every relationship ends. Either one of you will leave the other one. Or one of you will die. But, all the relationships end. I know it’s a hard fact to accept, but it’s the truth. The relationship with your ex has ended. And now she is in a relationship with someone else. Soon, her new relationship will end she will be in a new relationship, probably with you and hopefully for a very long time.
Analyzing the Breakup
Just like in the guide, you must analyze why you guys broke up and whether or not it’s really a good idea to get your ex girlfriend back. There are a few points that I would like you to consider before moving on to the next step
- Were you really happy in the relationship? Did you have your freedom? Did you trust each other? Did you enjoy with each other? A good relationship is based on trust and respect. Do you think if you two get back together, you can build a relationship with strong foundation?
- Did she have communication problems? Did she decide to just leave because she was not satisfied or she discussed her problems with you? Whatever the reason she left, you can fix that and get her back. But the next time she has a problem, will she run away again or will she try to work on the relationship?
- Are you just infatuated? I have to ask you this. Is she the type of girl who is superhot, intelligent, and everything about her is just perfect? Then chances are, you are just struck with one of those infamous arrows of Mr. Cupid. If you just think that there is no one out there like her, then you are wrong. Before you decide to get her back, go out in the dating world and meet a few more those seemingly perfect girls. There is a good chance that you will find someone better. If not, then you can go ahead and try to get her back.
The Idea of Stealing Her from Her New Boyfriend
Now, in most cases, the rebound relationship will end before the no-contact period is over. But, in case they don’t. You’ll have to steal her from this new guy. Of course, you are never going to ask her directly to breakup with the new boyfriend to be with you (not until you are 100% sure she will say yes). But you have to build attraction with her while she is still with him.
I know it sounds a like a dick move, by stealing someone’s girlfriend. But look at it this way, you are 100% sure she will be more happy with you than she will be with him. You know you will treat her better than him. So why not do it? On the other hand, if you are planning to be a shitty boyfriend and treating her with disrespect, then you should just let her be with her new boyfriend and get some counseling.
OK, generally I recommend to start with a hand written letter and then move on to texts after a few weeks. However, in this case, I’d recommend to directly move on to texts. Because of two reasons.
1. Text are more personal and chances of her new boyfriend finding out about these texts are less. Even if he does, it works to your advantage. We’ll get to that later.
2. You should wait at least a few weeks to contact her with text after you send the letter. In this case, we are saving a little bit of time by not sending the letter.
What to Say in Texts?
I’ve covered this in my guide on getting her back. But I will go over a few things that you must keep in mind.
Your goal is to build attraction using texts. That means no negative talk. Nothing about the breakup or the relationship. You want her to know that you are glad she was a part of your life and that you want her to be your friend again.
Now, while texting, she might bring up her new relationship. She might complain about her new boyfriend. Or she might ask your opinion about something. DO NOT BECOME HER ADVISOR. If you do, you will end up being friendzoned and before you know it, she will always be discussing her relationship problems with you.
Now, you have to use this other guy’s mistakes as your advantage. Texting is perfect because you are in contact with her and he will have no idea. At the same time, if he does find out, they will definitely have a fight about because he will be invading her privacy.
Since this is a rebound relationship, a few fights should be enough to break them off. However, if they persist, she will soon breakup with him after you guys meetup.
It is absolutely necessary that you don’t ask her out on a date. You don’t want her to feel she is cheating on her boyfriend. So, make sure you are just asking her to “catch up” or go for a coffee”. Make her laugh, have fun, show her how much you’ve changed for the better, show her the new you and she will definitely start wondering whether she is in a relationship with the wrong guy.
There are a few things you should remember while with her.
- Never talk about her boyfriend. If she brings him up (which she probably won’t), change the topic casually.
- Don’t ask her to leave her boyfriend. At least not until you are 100% sure she wants to be with you.
- Do not try to sleep with her. You don’t want her to think that you are only interested in sex. Let her know that you want a real relationship and for that, she will have to commit. (Unless you just want sex, and she is up for cheating. In which case, to each his own)
Usually, during this process, she will decide to leave her new boyfriend and come back to you. But if she doesn’t you have to ask her about it some time. That’s because being friends with her while she stays with her new boyfriend is not good for your emotional and mental health.
After you have spent enough time with her and she still haven’t made a decision, you have to be upfront about your intentions and tell her what you want. You will have to ask her to choose between you and him. Tell her that you can’t be friends with her if she chooses to be with him because it’s too hard for you. I know it’s a tough thing to do, but if you did everything right till now, then I am pretty sure she is going to choose you.