How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Even If She Has Another Boyfriend

Me and my ex have been broken up for almost a month now. She got a boyfriend last week who happens to go to her school (we’re in high school) and this has given me hope even when it seems as though there is none. No other guide is this in depth. Thank you.

I’m in the same situation Liam.
It’s tough to get through the holiday period.
My RX started seeing this guy full on the day we officially broke up.Technically we weren’t even bf and gf as it was always maintained on a friendship basis, but my breakup does feel like I was in a full on relationship.

I think the women are needy and this is a void for them to fill. My heart does ache if i think about them and see them together, but I know what I had with my “ex” was a strong bond of 4 years…I just was afraid to commit.

when I finally offeree her commitment because she was with this guy, she thought i was coming too late and have a fear of losing her.

she know I love her and if she comes back, I’ll have to forget this pain.
Trust Me, people don’t move on so quickly after such a strong bond. She’s doing it as a revenge and anger and sooner or later she will cone to her senses.

it will be a hard and long process, but I give her current relationship a few more weeks. Maybe I’m wrong and it will last, but we have to believe a little. One thing I do know, is that when their relationship breaks up, they both will be hurting and you would be in a better position to re evaluate the situation.

I’m carrying in with my life and not jumping into a relationship so soon. I am not the needy person and don’t want to stuff anyone else up when I’m not ready. I say go have fun and meet people, do exercise and stay healthy. when your ex sees you in good shape and more positive, her mind will be ticking again.

I’m in a position where I can’t avoid my “ex ” and her bf, but I’m not chasing her and stopping her decision. Sooner or later, her regrets will kick in and she will be doubtful.

It seems that they have forgotten about us…I just wish I knew what she is thinking now.

gonna be a tough couple of weeks to get through….I have to have strength.

Hey kevin to start with you are so good in explaning things thankyou for this superb stuff.kevin actually i am totally broken hearted rite now, so pls if possible please take out some time to help me out.i was in a realtionship from past 5 years approx.we had a loving realtionship but i do accept that after some time i got relaxed in the sense tha she will not leave me watever. now the past 6 moths of our relationship were not that good and at the end she said to me she has no more feeling for me as there was a new boy who enterd her life as a friend (whom she loves now).i begged like a animal and did all those things and i requested her to give me one last chance but infact she became more irriated with me and her heart was becoming more harder for me and to make things worst she went to new city for job, i was in talking terms wid her but after a gap of some days when i talkd to her few days back she said she is in new relationship and she loves this new boy as she met her in that new city( the new boy went to meet her in that new city).i was shatterd and i didnt contacted her aftr that.kevin i accept i did many mistakes in these 5 yrs but she says that all these yrs she was just compromising herslf wid me and there was no love and am not mature nd all.now she has all sorts of complaint against me,i would like to mention here is that i was loyal wid her just that i took he for granted which i shouldnt have.now i realize that i really love her and am ready to wait.but this new relationshp is worying me because she told me clearly that she loves her then how wil she miss me.i know i made mistakes for many weeks by becoming needy and desperate and all but u please tel me what to do??? am ready to make changes in me ..pls help

Hello Kevin, this is my story, I’m gonna try to make it as short as possible.

My girlfriend of 19 months broke up a few weeks ago. It all started with our final exams, we started arguing because of the stress of it. She said she wanted to be alone for a while, so I respected her decision and let her go until things would calm down. Stupid decision. I was waiting for her to come knocking at my door, because she missed me. I grew tired of waiting and things got worse. She said she only wanted to be my friend. I got mad at this and started fighting with her. It never crossed my mind that she was dating someone else. After things cooled down, I started texting her again like we always used to, but something was wrong, she didn’t respond like she used to.

That’s when I asked her what the hell was wrong: she said she was with another guy. This happened just 3 days ago. She said she was happy with him and she was in love with him. My heart shattered into a million pieces. She blocked me right away from every social network. That night I couldn’t sleep a wink, I went to her house at 6am and she almost left me outside. Luckily, I convinced her to let me in. I asked why she did this to me, how could she do this to me. I started begging and crying that she means the world to me. She started crying too and said she still loved me but now she’s in a relationship. But, the thing that crushed me was that she was going to travel that same day. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I almost had a mental breakdown in front of her, but she was gonna call her dad so I left.

The next couple of days were hell. She didn’t even tell me where she was or when she was gonna return. I began texting and calling her that I need her in my life, but her response was the same. But in one of those calls, her NEW BOYFRIEND PICKED UP and said she was busy! I was completly shocked, this made me want to kill myself. So last night, I searched the web for help and stumbled upon THIS article.

When I read that my ex is now in a “Rebound Relationship” and that these relationships never last much, a spark of hope lit inside me. That was the most comforting thing I ever read in my life, but at the same time I was afraid she wouldn’t return. So this morning, I manned up and went to her house. She wasn’t there, but her little brother opened up. I just wanted to leave her a few presents (some roses I picked up from my house, a poem remembering the good times, and a song I wrote for her). But the real reason I went to her house, was to give presents to her family because I had a special bond with them, I was really part of the family. When I gave them the presents, her little brother started crying and saying that he missed me. His mom was also there and she let a tear drop. It was a very touching moment, but I promised myself not to cry anymore. I left the house and it felt great to actually be more mature.

A couple minutes after I left her house, my ex called me and said “Thanks for the gifts, you’re very sweet”. And my response was “I love you so much, that all I want to do is to make you happy no matter what your decision is”. Right away, I could hear her choking up. She started saying she stills loves me and that I’m very important to her. I made her promise me to unblock me from all social networks to keep in contact. And she made me promise to tell her if I ever start seeing new people. I don’t really know what that meant, but I’m hoping you can tell me what it means.

Thanks to you, I realized I have the upper hand because I’ve been far longer with my ex than this new guy. The thing is, I don’t know how to take advantage of this. Now that we are friends again, I was thinking on texting her and start a conversation, but I’m afraid that will that lead me to the friendzone. Then I was thinking if I should have no contact with her for a while so she can miss me, but I’m afraid that will simply lead me nowhere.

She’ll probably be back before Christmas, but I’m terrified the trip will make her relationship with the new guy even stronger. I really want her back before February because it’s the best time of the year in my country. How much time should I wait for her relationship to fall apart? What should I do when that happens? Should I make her jealous by posting photos on Facebook of me going to the beach, going to clubs, doing sports, etc? WHAT SHOULD I DO??? I WANT HER BACK SO BADLY :'(

PS: Just a few moments, a friend (she’s a girl) invited me to a Metallica concert that is on March. Should I make my ex jealous? And if so, how?

hey kevin, ya actually i dont have any option left…i have applied no contact and started working on me, lets see how things fare up..just 1 thing,til how much time should i apply no contact??..thanks for this page kevin it had helped me tons 🙂

Hi Kevin,

Me and my ex were dating for 3 years before she broke it off with me officially about 2 months ago but we were still kind of talking abit but barely. The reason why was because we were always fighting and I would always assume and turn little things into big arguments. She told me about 3 weeks ago that she had another bf already, and he was in Singapore but was coming down sometime which is a suprise to see her. I have been in so much pain, everyday I wake up feeling like my heart has been torn out, not to mention I lost my virginity to this girl so the idea of her being in bed or holding another man is unbareable and I want to cry everytime I think about it. Ever since then I have been begging her non stop to come back to me but she wouldn’t budge, she keeps saying that she wants to be with me but it’s too soon. So I stopped talking to her for about a week and we had no contact at all. However the past 2 days we have met up and gone to see a movie and just hanged we have been holding each other and kissing each other and saying we love and miss each other, like everything was normal, but then at the end of everything she would say she is confused and she says it’s too soon. But she said she has really enjoyed herself and had fun the past 2 days and was gonna ask her to come out for a coffee tmro. He is coming here sometime after Christmas and I don’t know what to do. Also, she had previously blocked me on all social networks, but when we went a week without contact she unblocked me on Facebook but did not say or do anything so I figured maybe she was trying to see what I was getting upto. But after the first day we hung out my friend (her cousin) told me that she had a guy on her profile picture, so I went on fb and realised she just blocked me just the. So I called her and she said that was her bf, and she said that cos he knew she hung out with me and her cousin he was forcing her to change her picture so she just did it to shut him up.
I don’t know what to do, do I keep going on the way I am and just hang out with her but not mention anything about him or relationships and make her happy and see what she does or???? I wanted her back before he comes to see her but I don’t know if it will happen that fast.

Hi Kevin,
It’s weird because sometimes I feel incredibly confident and want to get the ball rolling and feel able that i’d be able to show her the changes in me but then I get other times where I get negative thoughts instead (usually when I start to think about what they might be up to) but when I focus on myself and the positive things that I have done for myself in the past month I feel a lot better. I do still worry that they may be compatible for each other and all the changes I have made are just making myself into what her new boyfriend already gives her so I struggle to see why she would come back to me if she’s already getting her wants fulfilled by someone else??? I think I will be able to initiate the first contact stages soon, I just get times as I have said where I lose hope. I think the sooner I get back into my ex’s head in a positive way by letting her know that I have accepted the breakup, the better as how I left things I don’t think she will be thinking of me with much positivity.
Also on the subject of going on a date, a girl has asked me out for a drink so we’ll be doing that some point in the new year.

Here’s my story.
I was in a relationship with my ex for 7 months. Everything was going great until October came & she started being distant & flaky. I immediately knew it was because of someone else in the picture. So I asked her & she came out clean about it. She told me that a guy from her past that she had a thing going with & had feelings for got in contact with her after 5 years. She told me that she told him about me, that right there Meant that I was going to get replaced by this guy. I forgot to say that my ex was married for 9 years & was going through a divorce while she was with me. It was finalized a month ago. Anyway back to the other guy. Reading the part about what to do to steal her away , I think thats what he did to make her choose him over me & also I know that a woman will always choose a guy who she had more timing with so I understand. But I want her back. My ex told me she doesnt want to lose me that she wants me in her life. But I think shes just saying that to put me in friendzone or back up. She texts me everyday “hey” & calls me everynight & tells me that she misses me but she’s still with this guy. Theyve been together for about a month now. What I know about their relationship now is that hes rushing it. He already asked her to marry him and that she should move in with him & visit his parents. I’ve tried no contact for 5days then Christmas came and I broke it lol. Her birthday is on jan 2nd .
Can you give advice on what should I do. I told her that I have to do whats best for me and thats moving on and that we could be friends but not now. She still calls and texts me should I just keep ignoring her or ? And do you think her relationship with her new boyfriend is going to last since hes already rushing it even tho she has a stronger connection with him than with me and they know each other longer ?

Hey Kevin,

Yeah you’re right, I am going to agree with the break up because I know that we do need a clean slate and I need to take some power back. She can be quite stubborn though so I’m wondering how she is going to react. I will let you know how things go. Thanks

I really hope you’re right, she replied saying that I looked well and was happy for me and that it was a shame I wasn’t like this before but that things happen for a reason a she’s sure that we’re both happier now. What’s your opinion of that? I replied saying I wish that I had done all this sooner and that I now have a passion for the the future

Plus to me it looks like she is just genuinely glad that I’m “moving on” and I’m just terrified that that may be the case. Judging by her reactions in texts and her coming to see me at work where would you say she’s at? Just finding it so hard to keep hope!

I just feel like I keep suffering relapses. I don’t understand how she can have moved on with someone else so quickly and say she doesn’t think she really loved me and has stronger feelings for her new boyfriend. I hope you’re right when you say it’s all just a rebound but I am struggling to see it that way 🙁

I forgot to mention the guy she is currently dating and her have been texting each other a lot since September and right after we broke up four days later she dated him. She says that it was the wrong thing to do and she wasn’t ready for it.

Please help me, I feel so lost. I know I’m obsessing but I just want to know what to do next and when, do you still think it’s a rebound now that they have been together 9 weeks and are possibly living together.

And knowing that they went on a holiday together after only being together a month makes me feel shit. I guess the questions that are really going through my head are:
1. Do you still think this is a rebound relationship? Even if she says she thinks she is happier now.
2. Does it mean anything that they have possibly moved in together so soon? More specifically, him moving in to her place.
3. What does it mean that she came to see me the day after I told her I Accepted the breakup, says that she’s happy to be on good terms with me but then doesn’t reply to my text? Even if it was a “boring text.” Could it be that she’s confused and doesn’t trust herself to talk to me? That she feels too guilty to talk or simply her new boyfriend saw the text and told her not to reply. What do you think is likely? Is she still thinking about me now if she isn’t staying in contact?
4. What’s my next step? Is saying that something like: “hey just had a lovely lunch at (the restaurant) with my dad and his partner, reminded me of you. Hope you’re ok.” Or maybe something like: hey just went to this bar and it was really old fashioned and was like an inn from skyrim and had bard kind of music playing there with a log fire burning, made me think of you 🙂 (we enjoyed playing skyrim together) do you think one of those would be good? If so which one and when should I send it?
I’m sorry to sound so obsessed all the time, I am doing more with my life than I ever had before but I just have this void that’s always their and I can’t get her out of my mind!
Would really value your opinions on my questions. I just don’t want to have false hope about anything, and it just feels that I don’t have any real hope left at all. Do you still think that her relationship will end soon?

This is the text I sent:
Hey, I’m just in a pub and it’s honestly like I’ve stepped into an Inn from skyrim! Log fire and even bard music playing in the background. No nirnroot though! :p made me think of you, hope you’re good 🙂

Still no reply off her, the way I see it the options are:

1. She isn’t contacting me because it’s too confusing and painful for her to have a regular conversation with me in which it seems I’ve moved on (on which case I’d case she’d still have feelings for me)

2. She wants to be in touch with me but feels too guilty to stay in contact with me or her new boyfriend has just plain told her not to contact me (in which case would you think she’d have told him she had come to see me and told him about the texts she initially sent?) Also if she really felt too guilty would she have come to see me in the first place or possibly even feeling guilty about doing tjat and now pretending it didn’t happen. Either way I think this would show she cares more about his feelings but I don’t know.

3. She plain just wants me out of her life but if this was the case then why wouldn’t she just tell me straight up that she didn’t want me to contact her anymore. She had no problems doing that before. Do you think that by not telling me to back off she’s leaving the door open for me to keep trying?

What’s your take on these points? Do you think it likely to be any of them or perhaps something else that I have missed? I just don’t understand why she would say we could be on good terms now but later refuse contact. I guess that sounds more like she spoke to her boyfriend after our conversation and told her he didn’t want her talking to me and she’s listening.
What’s my next step now that she’s chosen to ignore me? I feel more objective now and I want to stick to the plan.

Hi Kevin

Just some back story. I am armenian and my gf was not. My family didn’t support that. After 5 years together, it became too much for me and I got confused and broke it off with her, even though I still loved her. I didn’t explain it to her and it was sudden. She (understandably) hated me afterwards. She said that I made her believe that I loved her (which I did) and that the love she had for me turned to hate. She even said I was worse than her ex (who made her get an abortion and beat her). That’s when she cut off all communication to me.
I got a message from her about a month and a half later. She texted me saying she is over everything and would love to remain friends. I agree, and we start talking more and more. Since my feelings for her never changed, I really enjoyed it. We had been talking for the better part of a month now. She sends me sexy pictures of herself about to go out to have fun, and talks to me late at night. I recently saw that she is posting pictures with another man and the comments are “Oh, you guys look good together!” She’s in the police academy, and it’s one of her fellow cadets. As it turned out, she would go out with him, and then talk to me after the date was over, but she never told me about him. I ask her if she had a new boyfriend, to which she said no, but she is starting to take this new man a bit more seriously. So serious that she already met his mother, and she saw a text from his sister asking when he’s going to ask to be his girlfriend. We still kept in touch, and I asked her if he knew she was talking to me, to which she says that he doesn’t know. She asked the reason why I ended things, and I explained it to her. As we talk, she says the boyfriend is just like me, except that he is white. As the conversation kept going she asked, “If you had to choose between me and someone new, what would you do?” I said that I would always choose her because I love her and I wanted to start over with her. I explain how I don’t care what my family thinks, and that we should start our lives together like we discussed. She says that she felt that she always came second, and that she hated that. I tell her things will be better and that she always came first, even if it didn’t seem like it. She said that it was incredibly selfish of me to say that to her now and that she has no feelings for me whatsoever. Since we were talking late she said, “I have to be up early. We’re already meeting for dinner later this week, but we can also talk tomorrow.” The next day I got a text from her saying that she felt it was best that we didn’t talk for a while because she doesn’t want to mislead me to thinking that something is there. I told her I wouldn’t give up, but I initiated no contact.

In that time I have been working on myself, and she made things official with the new man. They’ve been going out since Thanksgiving (which coincidentally, was our anniversary) and they work in the same police precinct. She contacted me later saying that she saw I un-followed her on social media, but that it was okay and she still wanted to be friends. I didn’t respond to her.

There are so many things going through my head. For example, how could she get over me and start being serious with someone in just 1-2 months? Why can’t I stop thinking about them being happy together? Will they last?

It has been two months since we spoke. I actually re-read this guide everyday for encouragement. Thank you so much for writing it and reading my post!

I am married going through a divorce. Ive been with my ex for 7 years and have two kids with her. I havent done right cause I couldnt keep a job and was still living like a little boy. My ex told me she will always be in love with me but love just isnt enough. So I found myself moving from california to oklahoma in search of starting a new life. My ex only three weeks started seeing this guy and tells me she really likes him but is still in love with me. I can make head or tails of this. Then she tells me we will one day be back together if I can prove to her ive changed and can keep a job and get a house. Well ive been gone for two months. I stop talking to her for a month. Then out of the blue she sends me a text saying all these things she misses about me. I bite it hook line and sinker. Now ive driven her further to this man. Who by they way I found out is see other women on side. I told my ex and she says oh well if he is he is that she not to serious about this guy but enjoys him. Im lost and feel I screwed everything up. I have a great job now, Im renting a house and I been excerising alot. But im so depressed my face looks like the night of the living dead. Do you think she will come back or is she blowing smoke up my butt? Shes told me she doesnt know what the future holds. She has told me she has a void in her heart that no one can fill but me and ill always be her true love. But she needs more. Help me please.

Hey Kevin,

I was dating a girl for almost 11 months and then we broke up in May. Ever since then we would still always hang out, go on dates, and express our feelings for each other. When we are together it is magical and time slows down. It is an absolutely perfect feeling! She was ready to settle down and I was not quite at that stage yet. I was just scared of commitment. In November she got back with her ex bf from college. They had dated about 5 years ago before this. When it happened she told me that she could not wait for me any longer and she had to move on. Even though we technically were not official bf and gf it still felt like a breakup to me. The bf she has now lives out of state but they have flown back and forth to visit each other several times. It made me realize that this is the absolute women of my dreams and I love her more than anything. Its all the subtle things that you take for granted that you do not realize until they are gone. I could absolutely see myself settling down with her and raising a family. I have never been in a situation like this before and I didnt know how to handle my emotions. It is one of those cliches, “you never know what you have until its gone.” I have read your article and am very intrigued by it. I have not contacted her in 3 and half weeks and it will be 4 weeks on Wednesday. Not contacting her is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. When do you think is a good time to contact her and what do you think would be a good thing to say? Do you think there is chance I could get her back? She posted on facebook that her bf is coming back to town for valentines day. It eats me alive inside to know that she will be spending valentiens day with another man. I know this situation is my fault, just hoping I have a chance to fix my mistake. I have been working out and exercising which does help a lot, but when I go to bed I still lose sleep thinking about her, thinking about them, and thinking about what her and I could eventually be.

Hey ok this is basically where I’m at now. We were talking for a bit then she sent me this message:
Yeah good luck with that, I hope it goes well.

I’m not a special person to you, if I was then we would be in a different situation right now. As I said, I’m really happy that you’re a new person, you have your life on track, everything is falling into place and life is amazing, but I’m not sure I’m the best person to be talking to about it all. So you’re in town tomorrow then? Or do you mean a week tomorrow? Anyway, doesn’t matter, I dont think meeting would be a good idea. If you want to talk to me, then here is as much as I can commit to right now. So if you’d like to brag to me about how great everything is now that I’m not in your life and how much you’ve moved on, then go ahead……I’ll be listening.

I replied saying I wasn’t trying to brag etc and then she came out and told me her plans to move to new zealand (next year now) and that her boyfriend would be going with her. She sees to bring him up at any opportunity. Is she trying to make me jealous or just feels ok to talk about it? She doesn’t seem to like hearing I’m doing ok, this mean she still probably has feelings? I’m going to go up to her town later and hopefully she’ll meet me if I’m there. Another thing, last night her old Facebook account that she deleted when we first broke up back in December 2012 was reactivated for a while last night. I refuse to believe that thats a coincidence. Do you think she was probably using it to look at my profile? I was looking at it and there was a lot of memories I’d forgotten from the beginning of our relationship. What’s your opinion on everything? Thanks

I fucked up 🙁 it’s over. She didn’t meet me but asked if I could call her then basically tricked me in to saying that I still had feelings for her. She said she felt nothing for me. I don’t understand why she acted the way she did. She genuinely sounded like she has no feelings at all for me. Probably because I gave her power. That’s it isn’t it?

Hi everyone, tbh I like this article or whatever is called lol it has given me hope with my ex.
I dated my ex for almost a year, she broke up with me before our 11 month anniversary, although our relationship was on and off over the year, we used to be close and happy together, it used to be great.
3 weeks later after our break up she told me she was dating someone else, she had a new boyfriend, who happened to be a friend of hers, now I really want her back, I haven’t talk to her till last Saturday asking her to give me another chance, but she said she couldn’t cause she’s dating someone else, I wanna get her to give me another chance, so we can be together and be a couple again, what do you guys think I should do?
Please tell me, I really miss her, I would apreciate it if you guys tell me what to do

Hey Kevin, great read! My girlfriend (Megan) and I split about 2 weeks ago. She has a new boyfriend. Actually she had a new boyfriend about 6 days after we split. It was a bit of a shock to me as I’m still trying to figure out how to get over her. But my goal is to get her back at all costs. So I read your article and it’s given me hope. I talked to her 3 days after the break up, but haven’t since. Her reason for leaving was “her heart wasn’t in it”. I want to get her heart back in it. So I’ve been keeping away from contacting her, but we do have a mutual friend (Lea) that I’ve been getting information from. So anyway I have a plan and I want to know if it’s a good one. I bought her a shirt when we were in a relationship, but it didn’t arrive until we split up. So I have the shirt and I want to give it to her. So I’m going to have Lea give it to her, and say it’s from her. Then a week later or so, Lea will reveal that the shirt is actually from me and then hand her a letter that I wrote. It’s hand written and it explains why I got the shirt and how I still want her to have it. It also says that I hope she is doing well and that if she ever needs anything, I’m always here. It’s longer than that, but that’s the main point. Do you think this will help? Or does it have a chance of working? I am not really concerned about her new BF. I know I’m better to her than he’ll ever be. So by keeping away from her and then having her receive this gift from me, do you think that is a plan that could work? If yes, then what do you think I should do after she gets the shirt? Wait for a reply from her? And if you don’t think that is a good play, how could I improve it. Thanks in advance!

Hey I just wanna say thanks you dude for actually taking the time to write this guide. Means a lot. Now my situation is a little more sticky. My and my ex were dating for 4 years. She’s 17 and Im 19 we just recently had a baby together in August. While she was pregnant I treated her like shit because she admitted to cheating on me and I flipped out. I took it out on her her whole pregnancy. But during the last month I realized what I was doing was wrong and I tried to do things that will make her happy like trying to take her out to dinner etc. She says she wants nothing to do with me and says that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. From August until December I would see little things that shows she misses like on Facebook she would post statuses saying things like “I still love you” and “you may not care too much bit I still care” . For 5 months I told her I was sorry and I wanted us to be a good family even though we are young. But Every time I try talking to her it seems like She’s annoyed or even angry. Now new Years came alone and by this time I wrote her a letter saying I’m sorry and I loved her and saying that maybe she can forgive me one day. She told Me she didn’t want to be in my life anymore. So again on facebook she posts “I only give you a hard time because I can’t go and pretend like nothing happened”. I don’t know how to take that. A few days later She’s dating some guy from school and this may not matter but this guy has nothing on me looks wise but She’s with him now. As the weeks go along I didn’t contact her and she made it seems like they were made for each other. She even went as far as saying “I love him now, cut the shit” how do I go about this. Could it be that she actually moved on after I tried to prove to her that I realized what i did and wanted to make things right or is she still angry. These mixed signals kill me. What should I do

hi Kevin! me and my girlfriend were together for about 1 and a half year. we loved each other a lot. i still love her a lot. she broke up with me about 10 days ago. she told me that she thinks i am very childish and i am not mature enough to be in a relationship. one more thing is that two months ago i had to go back to my home country, because my dad’s company transfer him back to back home. i never wanted to go back and i told her that i really don’t wanna leave Canada. so on October 29 i left Canada. we talked sometimes. but we couldn’t talk soo much. i told her i would come back if i could find a place in Canada to stay. she was in depression like for a month after i left. she was crying everyday. she was missing me soo much. she was going to school like once in a week. her condition was very bad. and mines was also very bad. So on january 14 2014 i came back cuz i could live with my dads friend. before coming she said she broke up with me cuz she siad that she doesnt love me and she doesnt see any chance of me coming back. so she broke up with me. so i fianlly arrived in canada. the same day i went to her house to meet with her. she started to cry when she saw me. she gave me hug but she didnt kiss me.. i was soo happy to see her after 2 and a half month. but after she took me in her room. and we talked and laugh. and she was happy to see me. next days we finally kissed and had really good sex after 2 months. i thouht everything is back to normal. but i was mistaken. after 1 day i saw she is behaving very different. she wont come kiss me like before. or gave me a hug. so i asked her that whats wrong. first she changed the topic. and i had to go home so i left. but after she gave me call and call me over to her house. and she told me that she doesnt love me anymore and she doesnt have any feelings left for me anymore. she said she got over me. she said that these two months without me was terrible. but now i dont have feelings for u. i was broken hearted. after i asked her that if u dont love me anymore then why did we had sex yesterday and why were we kissing and why did we got back together. and she replied that sami i thought that i still have feelings for u and i still love u but it is not right. i thought if i will be with u then i will know if u still love u or not. she also said that she had sex with me cuz she feels save with me and she stills trust me with anything. after i force her to tell me that if she likes someone else. first she didnt tell me anything but after she said yes i do like someone. i met him in the party like 2 days ago. and she said that he can understand me and he can think like a grown up. i left the house cuz i was broken and i was crying also. she said sami, dont do anything to your self but we cant continue this relationship. the guy she likes is 10 years older then my ex. i talked to her once after that. and then i read your article and i am following your no contact rule. but i dont think she misses me. it is like 3 days ago since i talked to her. she saw me near the school and she came right to me cuz she wanted to talk. i didnt show her that i am jealous or anger or sadness, she also said that they are getting to know each other and so far he is doing good and making her happy, i told her that dont take about your new boyfriend to me. we didnt talk alot. and after that i didnt talk to her. i am ignoring her. but i dont think it is working. cuz i didnt even got one text from her. no calls. nothing. i dont know what should i do. please tell me what should i do next. i am missing her alot and i really need her back. she was the most important part of my life. please help me and tell me what should i do.

Oh also one more thing. Sorry for two comments. But since she is dating a guy already, do you think skipping the letter and moving forward straight to texting would be a better method? Or would sending the letter first, waiting for her to contact me, and then if she does good, if not start with the texts? Thanks again.

Do you have any other advice for me at all Kevin? Is there a way of opening up contact again? I’m so annoyed that I messed up but I’m just hoping that therefore is something else I can do. I just feel like she probably is forgetting me now. Plus now they have been together for 3 months 🙁 feels like a long time for a rebound and it doesn’t seem like any cracks are starting to show at all.

Hey Kevin,

Much like everyone else above I too would like some advice in the matter – while reading through numerous of pages on the internet trying to understand and justify intentions and woman intentions, it feels like I’m just playing a game of guess the ulterior motive… I haven’t asked for any advice and now feels like the appropriate time. This will probably be quite long winded, though providing you with all the details I think is the best way to get the picture…

I met this girl in a club in England, I know this may not sound ideal aha… but it was pretty much a one night stand gone wrong, we hooked up and it seemed like she was quite interested in me since the next morning, I’ve never been in a relationship before so being 22 in the moment I wasn’t looking for anything serious, but after getting to know her a bit more during the night I found out she was leaving England in 3 and half weeks to go back to living in Australia, so the sex being awesome and her leaving I thought great we could just use each other til she goes… weeks later and through consistent sex our feelings grew quite a lot… within two weeks of knowing her she asked me to move with her to Australia, I know she wasn’t messing around she was being quite serious and I didn’t think anything of it at the time I was just enjoying the sex so I never replied to it I just said I would think about it… but within the the last night we spent together before she left we’d had a little to drink and before bed she admitted to me that she was so close to loving me and it made me think that hey I am actually developing some real feelings for her so I said that I was close to living her back because even though I didn’t feel the same way at the time I saw in a brief moment us being together for a while and it felt good, so next morning I decided that I would come with her and give it ago. We have a lot of co incidents together and she made it out to be fate and that we have a lot of similarities so I thought going half way across the world to find out what would happen would be worth the risk and despite my position now as you’ll read on to understand, I still don’t regret leaving England behind to move to Australia.

So I booked my working holiday visa the next morning and said I’ll meet her in Australia in a month after I gave sufficient time to leave my part time door job and I also had a holiday with the guys to go to Zante in Greece for a week! We skyped and messaged everyday (mainly her initiating it) and feelings grew on both parts a lot, then one day in Zante I had received a very drunk text from her that she admitted she couldn’t hide her feelings for me any longer and said she loved me… I tried changing the subject a fair bit because I want at that stage yet, but she kept messaging about it, so out of pressure I said it back again to save awkwardness, especially when she was drunk and I didn’t want to seem rude and not reply especially after that text… so when I got back home and the last few days til I was leaving home to start my new life in Australia, one night on skype she said to me she cant wait for me to be here with her so she can tell me she loves me and all that and that she feels like shes already in a real relationship with me… we tried going on dates in England but every time a friend would get in the way and it was hard to organise something with out her cousin being around too so we just made plans with them around as well. So I said that when I got to Australia I said I’d take her on a real date and she said she didn’t need to as she already felt like we were officially together… we both were happy with that and officially we were together for 2 weeks aha!

I arrived in Australia, she picked me up from airport and the plan was for me to stay with her, cos she lived in a house there was a spare room I would leave my stuff in and that I would also be sleeping there but I’d be in her bed when we had ‘sleep overs’ id be in her room, that seemed fair and it meant despite living together we had space, but that didn’t go to plan and from the first night and the rest of the two weeks we slept in the same room, she kept asking me if I was staying in her bed and I couldn’t bring myself to say no in case she wondered why I wouldn’t sleep next to her, I was just a guy going with the flow, I didn’t have any friends out here I was by myself and I only had her for comfort so I tried to do nice things to make her feel appreciated. Though in England when we spent a few days sleeping together night after night she said to me that it felt weird her not waking up with out me being in the same bed so when I got to Aus I guess instead of acting the fun causal guy that was enjoying a fling in England I tried acting like the guy who wanted to be in a relationship so I tried doing nice things to try and impress her but that was my downfall and reading loads of articles weeks after the break up I’m pretty sure she felt like I was being over affectionate and we all know know that woman hate that so obviously she said one day that she wanted to take a step back as friends and go form there…

I could see it coming because the last few days she became distant but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything about it until it was too late, but when she dropped the take the step back bomb I took it pretty well and said I understood… even though at the time I didn’t until the last few months when I had time to think about what went wrong and I keep coming to same conclusion that I was over affectionate, taking things too quick and her feeling like she didn’t have any space! So that night I spent by myself in the spare room, the next morning before she left for work she said to me that she feels a bit better that we had some space and that she mentioned about taking things slow and still had in her mind about when we have ‘sleep overs’ so I thought I still had a chance to be with her but just needed to give her more space… then a few hours later she asked me to meet her for lunch… she then told me she wanted to be friends so I was left a bit confused but I still took it well I went back to hers still thinking about what she said, then I sent her a Facebook message saying that I get why she was doing this when I still didn’t and that if she would allow me too that we could still go out on dates and stuff, she said she’d think about it as she wanted some time to assess her feelings about the situation so I thought again that I still had some chance so I played the next few days cool, gave her space etc and just kept my distance… next few days I pretty much got the hint that she only wants to be friends after she kept talking about when she was ready to date other men so I pulled her up on it and that’s when it hit me that we had actually broken up… she was just being nice about it but at the time I felt very manipulated and quite hurt after all I gave up for her and I thought she was quite selfish because I don’t think she took into account my feelings when she tried justifying the break up by going back on things she ever said to me like one time whilst spooning she said we fit perfectly together… then one of her excuses she said during the speech it that we weren’t compatible… I was very confused I didn’t know what was going on, I don’t remember much about the conversation we had, but I remember her saying that she didn’t want the pressure of forcing something to work that wouldn’t when surely the pressure was already on her the moment she asked me to move with her to Aus and she said she fell in love with the idea of being in love, I didn’t know what to make of it but yeah I was pretty annoyed but she wanted remain (you guess it…) ‘friends’… just felt like the whole time she didn’t give me much time to adapt to a new life with her but each to their own I guess…

Because I didn’t have any where to go at the time and she was quite adamant that she wanted me to stick around as a mate and make the most of my visa until I decided to go travelling – her idea but I’m not one for travelling I only came here for her so I stayed with her for 2 more weeks just to see what would happen, I kept my cool and kept myself to myself (feelings wise)… over the course of two weeks she had a moan at me for 3 three things… the first time I tried being independent and doing things by myself, so I stopped the messaging when she was at work and kept conversation to a minimal to give her space then I joined a gym to give her more space… so when she would get back form work I’d go to the gym… a few days of doing this she picked me up on that she thought I was trying to avoid her and said that I wasn’t initiating conversation with her she was doing all the effort and that she thought every time I replied back to her she thought I was being sarcastic and giving her confused faces… I’m pretty sure I wasn’t I think she just had it in her mind that cos she broke up with me I was out to get her… I wasn’t I was just trying to revert back to being my old self and give her the space she asked for… but of course men being men I thought I was doing the right thing, obviously not… so she made me feel bad and I apologised even though I felt like I wasn’t in the wrong – thus leads on to the second thing she moaned at me for whilst still living together… we went to her friends birthday and in the car on the way there was a bit of silence (can you blame me I don’t know how to talk to her anymore things feel awkward like I’m treading on egg shells around her) and all week shes been asking me how I am and I said I’m fine then on that night she lost her shit and called me an asshole because I wouldn’t tell her what I had on my mind and even though I think back on it she just wanted a reaction, she got one and I said I was keeping myself to myself was that okay and again she made it out that I was being all sarcastic again when in fairness that was the first time I had been… so again I apologised for being in the ‘wrong’ the third time she got moody was when she asked me for my opinion on something and when I didn’t agree with her she made it a big deal and said I was just being spiteful because she ended things with me… again I apologised cos it made me feel like I was in the wrong again… so few days later I tried being chummy I made my mind up went to the travel agency brought a ticket home and went the next morning with out saying goodbye.. I didn’t know how to, so I left her some flowers and stupidly wrote a 3 page letter explaining my true feelings and that this was all hard for me and its best I leave and this was good bye…. stupidly I accepted a phone call she made to me and replied to several Facebook messages, so I hadn’t really said good bye I defeated the purpose of writing the letter almost instantly! We spoke on Facebook when I got home because she asked me too so I thought maybe if I asked her why things weren’t working she’d give me an honest reply this time round and she just said the same stuff she did previously… it didn’t help my situation, I still felt confused… so I replied with a message along the lines of that I feel hurt and ridiculed her on some of the things she said in the message and the only reply I got back from her the next morning was her saying that it feels weird me not being there with her, so I didn’t reply back and left it at that…

Two and a half weeks later I decided to come back to Australia and finish what I started… a new life, I hated the fact that I never finished anything I planed and my goal this time was to stay and live in Australia giving the circumstances that I gave up a lot to be here in the first place, I decided that I may as well make the most of the time and money I spent to get here so when I stopped in Hong Kong for a few hours I had a message form the ex asking why I was in Hong Kong (dunno how she knew but she got wind I was coming back over) and I said I was coming back to Australia to make the most of my Visa and I was going to be traveling with some friends who were already out there in Queensland… I tried to not talk much to her because I didn’t want her to think I was coming back for her, she kept being friendly and talking to me so I decided one day that to get over her completely the best way was to cut her out my life (could never have been so wrong) so I said to her in a message on Facebook along the lines of that I couldn’t be her friend given the fact that I gave up a lot of things to be with her and she should except my decision, I don’t think she was expecting that so she said simple things to save face I think… really I just needed more space form her as even though it was a few weeks ago the break up still felt fresh to me… I bumped into some friends I knew back in England and they offered me a job back in Melbourne where I previously stayed with the ex… I needed a job and an income so I jumped at the chance and flew back down the next day, I posted on Facebook that it was great meeting new friends and had some good times but now it was time for me to go solo and back to Melbourne I come… I messaged the ex and said along the lines of ‘hey, I know I said I want going to contact you for a while but I just wanted you to know that I am back in Melbourne I was offered a job so I jumped at the chance’ she replied very distantly and had a go at me for thinking I knew what was best when as I said I really needed more space form her and said I didn’t word what I really meant well so I came clean and honest that I still wanted her in my life just didn’t know how to handle it at the time… that and apologising my arse off seemed to work, I don’t know why I thought she would sound happy until I realised she deleted me from Facebook the same time I posted the comment about coming back here, it made me realise that I still wanted her in my life I just needed some more space and when I re-read what I wrote previously about not wanting to be a friend anymore, I thought damn that actually sounds quite rude and spiteful that’s not me so again like a sucker I kissed arse because I thought that if I didn’t attempt to mend things now then I would never get a chance to have any hope of winning her back at some point… so we talked a little bit and agreed to meet up in mid September… she made it pretty clear that she didn’t want anything more to do with each other romantically and I sort of agreed knowing that deep down I still wanted her, but that wouldn’t stop me from trying, so yeah I tried to make amends and get back in her life as friend… intentionally to weed my way back into her life (don’t know why I thought that would work) so when we did meet up it felt like she only agreed to it out of pity, none the less it was nice to see her and know she was okay, we made some sort of plan to do something the following Saturday but she never got back to me, and I got really busy with work I didn’t have time to meet her when I was working 7 days a week so I waited til I was free a month later. I messaged her end of October 2013 asking if she was okay and if she wanted to meet up for another catch up, it turned out she got a new phone so she didn’t have my number and when asked who it was I replied withe me and she made out that she was busy with work… I know she doesn’t work weekends so I said how about the weekend… no reply… waited a few days messaged her back saying okay I get the hint you’re busy this week would you be free to do something week after next and she replied with ‘can I ask why’ and I said just to catch up to see how you are doing and I got no reply! So I gave up trying to make an effort with her and that was that, it was pretty much no contact from me… then mid December on the 19th she messaged me on Facebook using the ‘x-mas spirit’ as an excuse to talk to me, I was pretty annoyed cos it felt like she was just making excuses to talk to me but I sucked it up and replied back 3 days later saying things couldn’t be better and that I was very well and hoped she was okay and has an awesome x-mas, so I replied without asking for a reply and she said the same and hope I had a good x-mas mate, but when speaking to some of my friends who are girls to ask for their opinion they think she said mate to save face because she was expecting a different reply from me, I think she was expecting me to be friendly and ask her to meet and I was distant, then on x-mas day she sent me a message and I was a bit more friendly with her; we had a bit of a convo and a laugh but as soon as I asked about how her mortgage was coming along I didn’t get a reply back… so I left it as it was didn’t bother with trying to contact her… then on 10th Jan 2014 she messaged me early morning asking how I was and asked if I wanted to go for a catch up as she feels bad the way things happened between us, so I replied later at night playing cool again and keeping the convo short said things were great hope she was well and that sure I would go meet up with her – I didn’t make a big deal out of it so I said I wasn’t free this week (I lied) but maybe we could arrange something week after next and she replied back saying that sounds perfect how the weather was great and she is well… 30 mins later cos I didn’t reply I got the same message… that’s a bit weird… so I replied back with I’ll text you late next week when I know what days I’ll be available, take care for now and speak soon, good night! A week later I messaged her saying I was free Weds night or Fri night and she said she had her citizenship weds so she couldn’t but Friday was good… I text her Weds saying good luck with her citizenship and she could tell me all about it Friday, she seemed grateful and said see you Friday! Then Thursday night I had a text from her pretty much cancelling on me but the way it was worded either meant she forgot she had plans with me and made plans with her work friends (you wouldn’t forgot you had plans with someone especially if it was an ex) or she forgot she had plans with her work friends when she made plans with me but she was still pretty keen to meet with me asking if i was free on
Saturday night or the next week… I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it just in case she was playing games with me so I said I’m not free next week unless Monday day but I’d let her know about Saturday after I finished work… so come sat I text her she said she had plans so I said the only day next week I can do is Monday on the bank holiday, but she said she really needed the day to do the gardening so I suggested that I come give her a hand making the excuse that I’d rather do something productive than sit on my arse all day and she agreed (when really I just made the excuse cos I wanted to get the catch up over and done with)! So Monday we met up, now the only reason at the time I agreed to meet with her is because I was curious as to why she all of a sudden she wants to meet with me after 3 months ago after September meeting and with the lack of reply and distance in her texts she made it pretty clear she didn’t want anything more to do with me and now all of a sudden she is interested to know how I’m doing and secondly because its been a while and I’ve been busy with my own life meeting new people, settling in and making new friends, got a career plan and using the gym… so I have a life plan and it’s pretty awesome – I wanted to know if I met her again would I still have feelings for her and when I got to hers and saw her again I did!!

Initially I helped with the gardening cos that’s what I was there to do, so when she could no longer be arsed 20 mins later we had more of a chat of what we’ve been getting up to and I made it clear that my life is pretty awesome and cos I’ve changed my attitude a bit trying to adapt into a new life I stopped pretending to be the nice guy cos it wasn’t getting me anywhere and since then loads more doors have opened up for me… she didn’t ask formally but she dropped hints to see if I’ve been with other woman and I said yes I’ve been getting myself out my comfort zone and trying new things and I don’t think she liked the sound of it that my life has been pretty good with out her and then when I asked about hers she said the same thing about her life but it didn’t sound convincing and she dropped hints that she has a new boyfriend… I played it cool cos honestly I didn’t know about him until she made reference to him and I didn’t ask about him, judging from her body language I don’t think she liked that I didn’t give a reaction to that either and later in convo she kept dropping stuff about him even though I never asked, he works in the mines in Perth so he works 4 weeks on and one week off… I’ve never met the guy and personally I’m jealous cos he has the money and they have the space for things to work, as I said I’ve never met they guy I haven’t been stalking her Facebook profile so I don’t know what shes been getting up to other than what she tells me so I don’t know what this guy looks like either (and I still don’t – to a point I don’t want too just in case I feel like he’s better than me)!! Going back to the reasons why I agreed to meet her, I was going to ask why she was all of a sudden interested in wanting to see me and I think I got my answer, shes lonely – her new bf is away and I know from living with her last time that her friends are a few years younger than her and they go to uni so she doesn’t really see anybody so I think she may be using me cos she knows my feelings towards her and is trying to make it look like she feels guilty how things ended in order to keep me under the thumb thinking I would come crawling back when she asks it… but speaking with my friend today about it all who is friends with her on Facebook she said to me that my ex has just put on Facebook that she’s now in a relationship which given that I just met her the day before seems quite coincidental really… so I am quite confused with whats going on… the thing that gets me is that if she too made it out that her life has been awesome with out me with out sort of admitting it but not sounding convincing about it either why has she invited me back in her life? So really I’m asking for advice and help to what I should do next? To finish on the situation so far she wanted to go out for a drive and go to her mums but I text my friend to phone me to make plans that I had to go meet her in the nearest city for lunch cos she had some good new about her pregnancy she wanted to tell me so I said I couldn’t go and she offered to give me a lift so I accepted, she dropped me off around the corner and I went to meet my ‘friend’ at the train station (I made other plans because the idea was to do the gardening, she changed the plans so I didn’t want her to think I was going with the flow again when I was only really there there to help her, not go see her mum) her mums house is the opposite way to where she dropped me off, I got out grabbed my work stuff and said thanks for the lift good bye, her reaction to my sentence made her seem like she was expecting a different reply again, because I think maybe she wanted me to ask her to meet up again… I get the impression cos I don’t think she likes making the effort to get in touch that way it seems like she wants me in her her life not the other way around when it was her that broke things off with me, but as I walked by a bus to get on the train I could see though the window what I’m pretty sure was her car drive by really slowly to try and see me… I mean seeing her again has reminded me of all the good times but I cant be just a friend given all the things she said and did to me to convince me coming here in the first place, I’m willing to sacrifice silver to go for gold if it means losing silver… if that makes sense cos we only know each other intimately I feel friendship wont work and I don’t want to settle for second best… what should I do?? Apologies for the essay Kevin but I feel better for getting it out… a problem shared is a problem halved right!?

Ive been with my gf 3 yrs and have a 2 yr old daughter with her and she has never hurt me but in those 3 yrs ive talked to other girls/women thru email and texts while still with her and i felt so bad and tryed to delete em to forget them but she found out but never physically cheated,never crossed my mind.my ex and i have been broken up for 8 months now and she has a new bf that she has been dating since jan 3rd.but she lives with me currently.do u think theres any hope of getting her back.

this has really helped me, ive jsut read it and im going to try it!! my and my ex were together for nearly 2 years, we had a great healthy relatioship together, towards the end she said she wasnt happy as we were not doing different things, i can understand, 1 week later after the breakup shes with another guy (looks like a roll on deoderant) ive been a complete tool towards her crying down the phone, begging for her to let me make her happy, telling her that i want her and nobody else stood there next to me on my wedding day she says shes happy with this guy but i think hes going to hurt her (i dont want this as i care for her so much) i really havent got a clue on what to do anymore, im going to try these steps and hope that this is a rebound relationship and she does want me back…
thankyou

So Kevin I saw my ex today because I asked to see my son. On the way to her house I said nothing. We didn’t talk until she took off one of my headphones and asked me about the weather. I was in her hallway and she seemed so cold and distant to me like she didn’t even know me. We talked about the baby and Then somehow the subject was about us. I told here that “it’s a shame that we can’t even be friendly, why do we always have to act like we don’t know each other? Part of me still loves you and always will ” she replied with “whatever happened in the past happened, I moved on and I’m happy now ” I asked of her like was truly happier without me she said yes. So before I left I told her this “I don’t know what I did to you during your pregnancy that made you this way but I’m sorry, if I could put things right I would and I’ve tried but I don’t deserve this. ” so later on that day we talked on the phone and she said “I will always be angry for what you did” and I tried explaining her that it doesn’t have to be this way. We can still be a family. She doesn’t want that .she went as far as saying I don’t care if my son suffers, he will be Alright ” at this point I’m at a loss for words. I’m not even sure if she even cares anymore like 4 Years and a child mean nothing to her. Why Is she acting like this I don’t understand. Is she really that happy with guy that She’s willing to cut all ties with me or is she so confused that she just wants me gone. She keeps telling me she loves me because we were happy once upon a time and because I gave her a child. I don’t want to fight with her anymore Kevin. I just want to show her that I can love her and be there for her but instead she leaves me and dates some prick in high school. Honestly do you think she still loves me at this point or is she really gone and I should just give up after everything that ive done.

Kevin.
im 25, shes 23. i have been with this girl for the last 3 years and a half. Many things happened in between, like broke up a couple of time because of distance but this year things were going good so far. until one day when we argue right after christmas and told me she doesnt know anymore about us. after that i leave her space, then she contact me like for 3 days super nice, then again nothing at all. then in january 16th i found out a pic in this guy instagram ( holding her) and i got mad and told her that i was going to see her the next sunday in her house. but when i went to see her, she wasnt there. the parents told me she left the house with this guy (she told me several times in the past that she was tired of leaving at home) and the parents couldnt convince her to come back. So two days ago she post in facebook that she loves him and i noticed that her last love poems where about this guy and i freak out completely. So i try to cool down because she wasnt talking to me at all, and i send her a letter that i wanna be friends with her etc etc. (she doesnt know that i know that she moved with the guy, family members told me) . So today out of nowhere she decided to text me and she said that she misses me as a friend, and wish we could talk as friends too. she said she has lot of things to tell me, that they gonna hurt her and me… but more me probably, and please stay as friends cuz she need it. then we talk a little about other random stuff and now im waiting here for her to leave work.
shes a very complicated girl with some emotionals disorders, and for what i heard she visit the family and said shes sad, so hopefully she comes back.
What should i do now? i love her with all my heart, and i know i can make her the happiest woman. this guy doesnt study, lives in a rented house, drinks and smoke. im an athlete, about to get a job willing to do anything to be with her.
please help
thanks

Hey Kevin,

I was thinking about what you said about giving an ultimatum, that I should mean it. And that if I stopped contact with her at that point, I will have a better chance of her missing me and contacting me. I also recalled that when I called my ex, she said she wouldn’t be able to see me until I was “mentally stable”, so I thought to myself: what better way to show her than I’m over her than moving away from her?

So my ex called me back yesterday like she said she would. She asked me about my day and she even talked about going to a concert together on March. But then, I told her that I really meant my decision, and that I want to move away from her. I also explained that I called her because I didn’t want her to feel bad. I told her that I blocked her from FB and erased her number to make sure she knows I mean it. She started chocking up and she hung up before I could even finish.

I’m kinda glad you didn’t respond in time, because if I decided to keep in touch with her, then I would be in the same place I used to be, maybe even worse. Don’t take me wrong, your advices have helped me a LOT. But the only thing in my way to get my ex back was her new boyfriend, and the the main reason that a rebound relationship doesn’t last is because the rebound person still has feelings for the ex and they haven’t had closure (as far as I know). This could actually work as a real No Contact time because we never had a real one, besides there’s no going back now…

I feel more calm now because now I don’t have to worry about her. From my point of view, I think I did the right thing, but I’d like to know your opinion on my situation and some advice on what I should do now.

hi, its been 6 weeks since we broke up and about 3 weeks NC. I know i shouldnt have but i noticed that she has untagged herself from all but a couple of the pictures on facebook we had together even though we didnt have a bad break up. What does this mean and does it change anything in terms of getting her back?

Hi Kevin, I hope you can help me because I’m so confused right now.

My ex and I have been emailing again and she’s basically been saying that she doesn’t want me in her life anymore as I hurt her more than anyone else ever has. I don’t understand what I did so wrong that hurt her so badly (considering one of her exs cheated on her twice)
I checked her Facebook and her entire relationship status has been hidden and so has her boyfriends. She changed it the same day she sent me the email. I think they’ve broken up but I’m not sure as at one point in the emails she said “you know I’m with someone else” but I don’t know it could be that she doesn’t want to admit that to me.
She said that she still feels angry and hurt over out past relationship and associates so much hurt with me. What should I do now? Sounds like there are feelings for me but there is also loads of negativity. She sounds quite resentful that everything else in my life is going good right now (she still keeps saying that I’m bragging about it)
What do you think of all this Kevin and what do you think I should do now? The last email I sent her she didn’t reply to. I just said basically that if she felt different about things then she hasy number and I’d hope she would give me a text.

Would really appreciate your thoughts

Thank you

What if i did everything whats written above. meet up. told her hwat my intentions are and she still choose the other guy? should i still fight for her or just let it go and move on.

Hey kevin

I like your advice and its day 16 of NC and im talking to different people but still no change from her end. I like the email part and i wanted to email her b4 valentines day so that she hasnt completely forgotten me and to show that i was someone to her.

Well i want to know when i should contact her after my NC is over with, like should i wait a few days after then contact her or could i contact her tomorrow or something b4 valentines day or is that a bad idea and i would also your help with preparing for the worst scenario like getting blocked from her email. Oh and one more thing if she does end up blocking me from email which will be everything blocked from her then would that still be a good sign? Or no..

Oh and should i give up on her if she does decide to block me her email from me since i will be blocked all the way..

Hey Kelvin, I’m glad I found this article while going through random stuffs on the internet. I have to congratulate you first for the awesome job you are doing here. Reading this article, the other guys problems and all your advice to them. It has given me some insight to what might have gone wrong with my relationship. I hope I can get a response from you as well.
I’ve been in a relationship with my GF for about 30 months now, met her when I was 22 and she was 19. Everything was great and we were both in love with each other, we talk once or twice everyday when ever we are not around each other and when we are we spend hours together, never wanting it to end. I want to let you know I’ve never been a sucker for relationships, I used to always think I was better off being single as expressing all the emotions and feelings showed weakness. Until I met her and all that changed, I’m one of those guys that looks like a player but really I’m not, even when we met she kept saying I looked like a player and I was more attractive than her although I never agreed bc she was to me the most decent and beautiful soul I’ve ever met with a killer body that she never shows off. Anyway after the early months of our relationship she quickly found out I was nothing like a player and that was just my looks which is different from my personality but sometimes she’ll still tease me and say how could I not want other better looking girls. Anyway I feel like the times we’ve been together has been the best times of my life and she feels the same way. And it has been great for both of us until july last year, we were together at my place and she was in the bathroom when a text came in on her phone, I’ve never bothered going through her phone but I had a strong urge to read that message and so I did, it read ‘ I miss you too and can’t wait to see you too’. I played cool and asked her about it when she got out, she said it was her sister that had sent the text to her bf using her phone. I totally bought it but never forgot. Four months later somehow one of our mutual friends brought this guy to my place and as soon as he introduced himself his name rang a bell, after some questions I found out it was the same guy that had sent her that text. I quickly told him who I was but lied to we were no longer together, he then confessed he and my ex had a thing going on but she’s on and off with him because of me and he is confused about her. He actually sought to get advise from me. I met up with her that same day and told her I know she lied and probably has been lying to me, she was too shocked to respond and I left before she could come up with whatever explanation. I later found out she feel ill for a few days from that evening. She begged me to meet up with her and I stalled for a week and asked her over to my place. As pissed as I was I was surprised to hear her telling me she never planned to hurt me, that she loves me very much, more than I’ll ever know but didn’t think I loved her enough, didn’t think she deserves me and so didn’t know when she got close to the other guy. She then suggested we broke up as she couldn’t live with the thought of hurting the one guy she’s ever truly loved. Sounded like bullshit to me and so I told her off and asked her to leave my house.
By the way she and the other guy are in the same university while I had graduated from a different university already. Two weeks passed and we kept in touch on a minimal, after 6 weeks we hanged out again and my feelings felt the same, I told her I forgave her and her said she hasn’t stopped loving me so we got back together, this time we became even closer and I opened up to her even more, she met my siblings my friends and I told her things about me I never let out. Met some of her friends and family too. She would occasionally come take my younger siblings out. She was always with me when she was on holidays, I noticed the guy still always called, sometimes she bluntly tells him off in my presence and other times she’s sneaky about it when I asked why she couldn’t just get him off she said he is too emotional and won’t back off no matter what she said to him. I’ve always been a confident guy and I do not worry too much about competition so I let it slide. Some time in december while we were together at my place, we were having such a great time, I cooked for her for the first time, first time I’ve ever cooked for anyone really. We watched a movie, and drinks and then had sex. We were both drunk but I had to leave immediately as something came up, I told her to dress quickly and she was being sluggish and so I shouted at her and left. This happened on the 10th day of december 2013. I called her the next day she didn’t pick, didn’t pick my calls for the next three days. Wasn’t quite sure what was wrong so I sent her a text and let her be. She called after two weeks and I didn’t take her calls or replied her messages either. She had to call my sister to beg me to agree to see her and so I picked, she suggested we go swim together but I declined knowing I was mad at her and she was trying to downplay it by suggesting we go swim. So I told her to meet me up at a bar instead, she doesn’t usually drink but she was quick to order three bottles of cidar beer, I tried to stop her but she insisted she needed it, we started talking and she was saying how much she has missed me and was upset with the way I treated her the last time we had sex. I told her why couldn’t she just tell me, she sucks at communication really. I told her I was sure she must have been hanging out with someone else to be able to stay two weeks with reaching me, there had to be something that was distracting her mind from me. She said nothing, she was already tipsy and kept hold my hands and trying to initiate contact, I was pissed off at how she could slip away from the slightest things. She went to the bathroom and I checked her phone once again and saw a message she sent to that same guy telling him she loves him so much it scares her. I was weakend by the message and so I went to the bathroom to see her after waiting 30mins and she wasn’t out ( the bar man actually advised me to check on her) I got there to find her helpless, struggling to stay on her feet. She saw me and started telling me she loves me so much and is undeserving of me but I should never let her go, I told her I read the text on her phone so I know I’m not the only one she tells these things, she said I know she didn’t mean it that she sent it that same day I shouted at her because she wanted to feel wanted. That it is me she loves, she started kissing me and all that and wouldn’t let go, we ended up having sex there in the bathroom. And apologized for everything and I asked if I should take her home but she insisted she wanted to stay with me more and so we went to my place.
I’ve been in other relationships Kelvin, I’ve never been this attached, this one just felt different.
As I speak to you know we are officially over, it happened that. Last month after christmas I had a lot going on with my family so we didn’t see much though we were both barely 15 mins away from each other, we agreed to hang out one evening but I kept her waiting over an hour plus, not intentionally of course. By the time I got there she was really pissed off cos according to her she couldn’t stay long and I had already killed half the time, told her I was stuck in traffick plus other stuffs that delayed me, she called me a liar and wouldn’t let it go. I apologized again and again but kept getting attitude and so I told her its best we both leave since the mood is not right. While in the car to drop her off she tried being playful but I wasn’t in the mood for that, I dropped her without any kisses or anything( she loved the kisses). When I got back home I called her and spent over an hour talking, told her I was sorry how things went, that I don’t know why we keep having problems over things that shouldn’t matter, she said it was bc we loved each other too much and maybe it was best we broke up. That if it was meant to be we will still be. That she had so much plans for me that night but here she was crying, that she hated how I always affected her moods. I told her I’ve let her go twice and she came back twice and I don’t want to let go anymore, told her to be honest with me if she loves someone else and needed to be with that person. She said it wasn’t that, that she can never love anyone the way she loves me. We talked about other stuffs and made jokes, had a good laugh. we saw each other a week after and she told me I was a friend, I told her I cannot be a friend and she just smiled, we met with one of her friends that just got back from london at the movies and had fun, we were all talking when she told her friend that I was her ex but we are friends now, her friend asked her why are we still hanging out and behaving like we just fell inlove? No one answered so I made jokes and laughed it off.
Bombshell, we met three weeks ago at one of our favourite spots and after talking a while she started asking if I had gotten a gf yet I told her no, that I didn’t need anyone, she said she saw me hanging out one night with some people, male and females and I said yeah I have friends but no one special, I told her I can hang out with all the sexy girls around if I wanted but I wasn’t about that. She got really quite and looked heavy, I asked her why her demeanor changed and she said its bc of me but won’t say why, I then casually asked what she has been up to, if she has met any guy, she looked at me and looked away saying she has a bf. I asked who and she said it was that same guy in her school. I can’t remember being more angry as I was that day. I told her why did she call me out? What reaction was she expecting? If she had a boyfriend why did she call me up? She said she never wants to loose me. She stood up to hold me but I walked out as soonas she got close. She sent a text that night saying how sorry she was. I didn’t reply, thankfully I found this article the next day so I’ve kept the No contact rule for two weeks now. I feel really stupid for somehow still wanting her, I find myself still thinking about her and how anyone could give what we had up, but I’m tired of being treated this way. I’m tired of being unsure. I just what to know what your thoughts are on this that’s why I’ve writted in detail like this. Sorry for that.

Thanks Kevin. Ok so about the meeting. We seemed to get on really well, I made her laugh a few times and flirted and complimented her.
She told me that her boyfriend split up with her because she couldn’t see him as much as they did to begin with because of her college work, then he tried to get her back straight away but she turned him down. According to her, she told him that she would see how things are between them when she finishes college in a couple of months. She did talk about him a little and said it was a shame they broke up and thought they would go far. She kind of gave me the impression that she might get back with him (he started begging her back and talking to her friends and things) I kept my cool and steered the conversation away from him. She’s agreed to stay in contact and we may be meeting again this weekend. Still not given me her new phone number though but taking it one step at a time. She said that she was expecting to feel hurt after meeting me but she said it waa actually nice talking to me again.
I did tell her that I still have feelings for her as I just wanted to be upfront but I wasn’t needy and nor do I feel needy anymore.
I will be annoyed if she goes back to him as he pretty much gave up on her as soon as things got a little bit tough whereas I have gone through the pain of seeing her with someone else and still not given up.

What are your thoughts on everything? Do want to thank you though Kevin. I would never gotten to this stage without you and your work. No matter what happens now I know I’ll be ok abd I really appreciate your help through all this.

Do you think it likely that she will go back to him? She told me when we met up that she still has feelings for him but she’d find it hard to trust him again after he gave up like that. Just kinda feels like because she didn’t want it to end it’s a possibility. I will be annoyed if she does go back to him though as if he is able to give up on the relationship when the first bit of difficulty comes his way then what would he be like when real difficulties set in.

We’ve been and lived together for nearly two years, lots of love and everything else, but eventually I got used to the idea that she won’t ever leave me and therefore started losing interest, stoppped paying attention. But before that started happening, we’ve loved each other a lot, never been violent, went on holidays, been really affectionate to each other, were making plans on our future, she wanted to be part of everything, however at some times I failed to convince her that she is part of everything. However at all times I knew that she was. Nearly 3 weeks ago I came back from work one morning, and we split up on a mutual agreement, at that time I didn’t have a lot of emotions, neither she did. But then a few days later I found out that she has a new boyfriend and she met him 2 weeks before we split up. When I found out I moved out, and it’s been a bit more than 2 weeks since we don’t live together. I know her e-mail password, I can see her photos on skydrive and that kills me, everyday is just killing, however I’ve made a lot of changes on my self, gave up smoking ( 3 weeks now ) started playing saxophone, which I gave up 10 years ago, jogging everyday, wearing nice clothes etc. basically trying to be a nice guy, but inside my heart I’m broken. I love her and I want to share my life with her. Anyway before I changed my address at work, they sent a letter, which I had to go and pick up. And in fact I picked it up today, I informed my ex gf about it, I asked her by text if she could leave it in the porch as this way I wouldn’t have to see her, even though I wanted to, but I did not want her to think that I do, in the end she agreed and I thought it’d be there, but when I actually arrived, the letter was not in the porch and I had to ask her out to give it to me, but she was very cold. ‘Hi here you are, see you later, doors shut”. I thought she wanted to see me without making me think so, but what does that mean. Anyway, could you please help me, as I’m completely broken. Something tells me that she’s actually done with me, but I can’t imagine how this could be possible after all I’ve given to her and all we’ve been through. Btw I’m 24, she’s 22.