Take care of yourself because no one else will.
Now comes the fun part, taking care of you. While going through all the emotional pain and the urges to contact your ex, you HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
Going through this program, you will have to take a hard look at your relationship and your life, and it will be painful and emotional. To handle that pain, you must have things you can do to relax and enjoy yourself.
Remember, life is all about balance. So is the healing process. If you just try to forget everything, and keep yourself busy, you will have a lot of unresolved feelings inside that might hurt your future relationships. And if you just stay at home and wallow in self-pity, you are likely to become depressed.
Have an outlet for all the negative energy. Don’t let it build up inside you.
You need to have something in your arsenal to balance out the pain that you are feeling, something that makes you feel better. Here are a few examples of things that you can do.
– Go to the gym. Working out releases endorphin which are great for alleviating your mood. It will also give your body the much needed exercises which will help you in getting proper sleep.
– You can enroll in yoga classes, dance classes, MMA classes, music classes or anything that interests you. It’s never too late to lean a new skill. And indulging yourself in something will get your mind off the breakup, making you feel relaxed.
– Give yourself a little “me time”. Switch off your cell phone and take a relaxing bath. After that you can relax on your bed and read a book or play video games or whatever makes you feel better. It’s a great idea to set aside a few hours every week just for you. Spend time with yourself and you will soon become your own best friend.
– Do some volunteer work. Not only it will make you feel better, you will also meet wonderful people.
The first thing you will have to do is remove everything that triggers unwanted thoughts about your ex and the relationship.
Take all the gifts and their belongings, put it in a box and keep it away. If there is something that you need to return to your ex, it’s best to just ask a friend to take it to them or just put it in a box and mail them. Don’t use this as an excuse to contact your ex.
If your house reminds you of your moments together, you can try rearranging your furniture to give your house a new feel.
Even though these small steps are not going to completely remove your obsessive thoughts, you will find them helpful in the overall process.
You should become more self-aware and realize when your mind is going to a negative state. Understand that you are separate from your thoughts and that your mind isn’t always productive. Your subconscious plays an important role in what your life is like. And if you learn how to separate yourself from your mind, you will be able to train your sub-conscious into giving you the life you want, NOT WHAT OTHERS WANT.
Remember your thoughts are separate from you.
It is normal after a breakup to get caught up in the “what ifs” and playing the breakup scenes over and over again in your mind. You might be thinking about everything that happened in the relationship in your mind without you even realizing that you are doing this.
As soon as you realize you are doing this, you have to try to get out of it. You need to tell yourself that thinking about this is of no use. In fact, you can tell your mind that you will write about all this later when you decide to think about it.
Still, if your mind doesn’t seem to stop, you can try using one of the activities from your arsenal to take your mind off it. It’s hard for the mind to concentrate on two things at once. If you give it something more interesting, it’s going to let go off the obsessive thoughts.
Remember you are not trying to suppress your thoughts here, you are just not welcoming obsessive thoughts that don’t help you in the moving on process.
You are going to think about the relationship, but not in the usual “what if” obsessive way. You need to learn to look at it the way it was.
If you are trying to become more self-aware, you should understand when you are being negative about yourself and your life. You have to start loving yourself and stop blaming yourself for anything that has happened. If you catch yourself saying something like
“I will never find love again.”
“I will never be happy again.”
“I let my relationship fall apart; I don’t deserve to be loved.”
Your subconscious is like an innocent child. It believes everything you tell it.
Then you need to realize that it’s all just your thoughts, and you are separate from your thoughts. But, when you think like this, you are actually training your sub-conscious to believe these things about yourself. A good way to counter it is to start thinking positive about yourself and life in general.
Say to yourself
I will find love and happiness again.
I am a wonderful person and I deserve to be loved.
You need to surround yourself with positive thoughts about yourself and life in general. Your friends and family should be supportive of you and if you find your friends or family trying to portray a negative image of you in your mind, you need to stay away from them. You have to learn to surround yourself with loving and caring people, not negativity.
This article was a little long, but very helpful. You have a lot of great advice and insight Kevin.