If your ex cheated on you and you are trying to get over the breakup and move on, you might find some additional roadblocks along the way of healing.
1. Why Me?
Blaming yourself for their cheating is one of the most common responses amongst women. Thinking about why your ex cheated on you, or whether or not you deserve a faithful partner is not going to help you get over the breakup.
However, these thoughts still do pop up in the mind every now and then. Questioning your self-worth, questioning the way you love, questioning your body image, are just a normal part of these irrational thoughts.
But the truth is, because you are hurt by the breakup, your mind is just not thinking logically. The fact that your ex cheated on you is entirely his fault. Even if your relationship was going through the worst phase in the history of bad relationship, still your ex didn’t have the right to cheat on you.
Cheating on your partner has absolutely no justification. If your ex’s justification is that they stopped loving you, they could’ve broken up.
2. The image of opposite sex
Another normal reaction is to just blame it on the nature of the opposite sex. All men are cheaters or girls are sluts, is a common reaction after you’ve been cheated on.
Instead of accepting the fact that YOU CHOSE someone who is not faithful, it’s easier to accept that all the men out there are lying bastards.
The fact is there are faithful people in the world and there are cheaters. You just happened to choose a cheater. But it doesn’t mean it’s your fault. You can never truly know someone until you spend time with them. And if they cheat on you that just means you chose the wrong person. Move on and find someone else.
Whatever you do, don’t let this incident turn you into an insecure person with trust issues. You don’t want your next relationship to fail because you always blamed “ALL THE MEN” for the hurt one man gave you.
3. The Missing Phase and Hope of Getting Back Together
It’s completely natural to miss your ex after a breakup and get thoughts about giving them a second chance and getting back together. But when your ex cheated on you, this phase has an extra twist.
See because your ex cheated on you, you might think that’s the only reason why you two broke up. And if somehow you can be sure that your ex will be faithful to you in the future, you can get back together, live happily, get married, buy a house, have children, and grow old and all that dreamy stuff.
And it feels good to dream, because it will be just easier to be with them and make them faithful instead of finding love in that big scary world outside.
Let me just stop you over there and tell you that it’s not going to be so. Getting back together with your ex is a bad idea, and in this situation, even more so. For 2 very solid reason.
Your ex is not going to change. Even if you think it was a onetime mistake and everyone makes mistake and you should give them a chance, the truth is your ex made a decision when they cheated on you. They either chose the act of infidelity over your relationship, or they chose hiding this fact from you over an honest relationship. Either ways, their choices clearly indicate they don’t deserve another chance.
The second reason is that it’s going to be extremely hard for you to trust this person again. In reality, you never forget this kind of things. Even if you do get back together, it will always be in the back of your mind that your ex cheated on you and they might do it again. No matter how much open and honest they’ll be, no matter how much transparent they are about their lives, you will never be able to fully trust them again. You already broke up with them, there is a chance to be in a relationship where you can completely trust your partner, then why choose to be with someone you can never trust?
And don’t forget that these thoughts about reconciliation only occur during the grief period of getting over the breakup. It will not last long. Even if you think you should give your ex another chance, at least wait till you are completely over the breakup, that way you will know you are not making major life decision just because you are emotional.