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3 Roadblocks You Will Face While Getting Over a Cheating Ex?

If your ex cheated on you and you are trying to get over the breakup and move on, you might find some additional roadblocks along the way of healing.

1. Why Me?

blaming yourself

Stop blaming yourself.

Blaming yourself for their cheating is one of the most common responses amongst women. Thinking about why your ex cheated on you, or whether or not you deserve a faithful partner is not going to help you get over the breakup.

However, these thoughts still do pop up in the mind every now and then. Questioning your self-worth, questioning the way you love, questioning your body image, are just a normal part of these irrational thoughts.

But the truth is, because you are hurt by the breakup, your mind is just not thinking logically. The fact that your ex cheated on you is entirely his fault. Even if your relationship was going through the worst phase in the history of bad relationship, still your ex didn’t have the right to cheat on you.

Cheating on your partner has absolutely no justification. If your ex’s justification is that they stopped loving you, they could’ve broken up.

2. The image of opposite sex

men are dogs

All men are dogs. Except this one. This is a man-dog.

Another normal reaction is to just blame it on the nature of the opposite sex. All men are cheaters or girls are sluts, is a common reaction after you’ve been cheated on.

Instead of accepting the fact that YOU CHOSE someone who is not faithful, it’s easier to accept that all the men out there are lying bastards.

The fact is there are faithful people in the world and there are cheaters. You just happened to choose a cheater. But it doesn’t mean it’s your fault. You can never truly know someone until you spend time with them. And if they cheat on you that just means you chose the wrong person. Move on and find someone else.

Whatever you do, don’t let this incident turn you into an insecure person with trust issues. You don’t want your next relationship to fail because you always blamed “ALL THE MEN” for the hurt one man gave you.

3. The Missing Phase and Hope of Getting Back Together

It’s completely natural to miss your ex after a breakup and get thoughts about giving them a second chance and getting back together. But when your ex cheated on you, this phase has an extra twist.

See because your ex cheated on you, you might think that’s the only reason why you two broke up. And if somehow you can be sure that your ex will be faithful to you in the future, you can get back together, live happily, get married, buy a house, have children, and grow old and all that dreamy stuff.

And it feels good to dream, because it will be just easier to be with them and make them faithful instead of finding love in that big scary world outside.

Let me just stop you over there and tell you that it’s not going to be so. Getting back together with your ex is a bad idea, and in this situation, even more so. For 2 very solid reason.

Your ex is not going to change. Even if you think it was a onetime mistake and everyone makes mistake and you should give them a chance, the truth is your ex made a decision when they cheated on you. They either chose the act of infidelity over your relationship, or they chose hiding this fact from you over an honest relationship. Either ways, their choices clearly indicate they don’t deserve another chance.

The second reason is that it’s going to be extremely hard for you to trust this person again. In reality, you never forget this kind of things. Even if you do get back together, it will always be in the back of your mind that your ex cheated on you and they might do it again. No matter how much open and honest they’ll be, no matter how much transparent they are about their lives, you will never be able to fully trust them again. You already broke up with them, there is a chance to be in a relationship where you can completely trust your partner, then why choose to be with someone you can never trust?

And don’t forget that these thoughts about reconciliation only occur during the grief period of getting over the breakup. It will not last long. Even if you think you should give your ex another chance, at least wait till you are completely over the breakup, that way you will know you are not making major life decision just because you are emotional.

 

{ 66 comments… add one }
  • holland December 1, 2013, 7:22 pm

    Thank you so much. I literally am going through each and everything you addressed….My girlfriend who was 19 and a virgin, ended up cheating on me with 2 guys in one night, and then later i found out she had been cheating the entire time, I FOR A FACT KNOW SHE WAS A VIRGIN…so i was so thrown off guard when she was the cheater. I just broke up with her after I found out the full story. I’m going through hell…Oh and you say there is loyal people out there…lets just say im decent looking, i love so hard, ive never thout about cheating, nor will I ever, but regardless I’ve been cheated on 4-5 seperate relationships, maybe a year long each. I feel like I attract these girls….Or if its just getting really bad and the world is becoming evil as fuuuck. Anywho thank you for this and spending time to write this

    -H

    • Kevin December 2, 2013, 2:43 pm

      Hey,

      Thanks for your comment. I am sorry this happened to you. Hang in there. Things will get better and you will find the person you will truly deserve. All this crap you had to go through is only to make you a stronger and smarter person so you are finally ready for the relationship that you really deserve.

      • Karen April 2, 2015, 3:43 pm

        I am 52, have been lied to and cheated on too many times, I too believe I attract these types of men, even though I change what I am looking for, ask all sorts of questions, and honestly believe I finally have an honest, faithful person. The one that says they are the Most Honest, Most Faithful, etc. was the worst. That type of love is not in the cards for me..Thank you for the advice.

        • Carol July 25, 2017, 6:02 pm

          My lying, cheating ex husband makes me SICK! We were married 21 years and together 24 best of friends but I noticed huge changes in his personality by age: 50! He was getting older and looking older as we all do, he because completely unaffectionate towards me and constantly zoned out on his cell phone like some stupid teenager! Then my daughter now 15 found out the truth he was messing with a women two doors down, she was already cohabiting with another man and had a METH problem. My ex husband was bringing her into our bedroom while I was working overnight to help pay family bills and the kids were asleep! My son only 9 at the time told me he saw him I was heartsick and tried to get counseling! He wasn’t interested in helping the family get healthy so I served him with divorce papers a year later!

    • ThisHappenedToMe October 15, 2014, 4:57 am

      Bruh i know this back in dec 2013 but just wondering if you got over it

      Im goingt through somethign similar except she with this fucker she cheated one me on and she was a virign but lost it to this fuck boy.

    • vb January 6, 2015, 10:16 am

      Hey you. Let you know that I am feeling the same thing. I gave him my virginity and I thought he would treasure it. I thought I knew him for 5 years and I had the most faithful person. And I was all all too wrong. This is the second time I’ve been cheating on. Both times I gave them all my heart and trust. It feels harder and harder to trust someone from now on. I’m just like you I have my confidence and I have not done anything wrong at all. They are just cheaters. I don’t know why. I had been going through hell for a week

      • Carol July 25, 2017, 6:06 pm

        LOL, ya right treasure your virginity these types of guys are SCUM they only use and abuse until the woman wakes up and dumps their sorry ass! The bad part for me has been the damage to our kids, he lies to them constantly and refuses to accept any responsibility and he’s now 52!

    • Dusty April 27, 2017, 8:00 am

      I know the feeling. Going through a divorce because my wife cheated with a guy that she started flirting with on Facebook 5 months into the marriage. Sad part is she kept the fact that she was hooked on pills off the street from me the entire relationship an left for a little meth head that is so miserable that he enjoys bringing others down with him. I went through pure hell but I’m better for it. An Karma will get them both an I don’t have to do a thing. You will find someone better later on I promise. Just keep your head up an keep looking forward one day at a time.

  • Eunijane March 8, 2014, 11:08 am

    A good read, thanks for writing this. I’ve was in the situation was lying and cheating the entire relationship, the other gal called me and I met up with her, talked 2 her and wow, he started dating the same month, I told her 2 call him 2 come fetch his phone , well he did ,I did something ”stupid or smart” whatever thats how I felt that time, I bit him, yes with an umbrella, anyway it was over then and I think the other gal took him back, I think they r 2gether, I dont care if they decide to get married, that gal was way too emotional than me, but 1 thing I knw we met together but apparently on his phone he was seeing more 2 galfriend , so we were 4 in all. Whats the point of gettin bck 2gether with a cheater like that, a cheater period, I dont want to end up being paranoid, I want a healthy relationship.
    If she really took him back after cheating with three gals, shes a fool, shes too desperate, I will never do that to myself and my dignity. I know I deserve better and also I’d rather be alone and happy and healthy than be sick and paranoid with someone else. Even if I was married I honestly dont think I’ll stay with a cheating, my memory is too good to forget easily. Well I’m better now, not in the best state but better than some other weeks, I’m getting there slowly.

  • Erin April 10, 2014, 7:49 pm

    Hi, I am so relieved by this article, but I’m still in the first phase. My boyfriend of almost 2 years suddenly changed his habits. We were together all the time since we work at the same place, but our relationship was in a bad moment. I began attending a therapist by his own suggestion, because apparently I had jeaulosy issues (without any reason, apparently). He was constantly reminding me of how good he was to me, how patient he was, how supportive…and then three weeks ago he started having lunch with a girl, at first once a week, then twice, then he went out for his birthday with his new “group of friends”…and he was always asking me to trust him. I asked him several times if that girl was interested in he, and he denied it, telling me a long speech about our relationships of almost 2 years, and our great unique love, and that the girl wasn´t even a friend, just an acquaitance…the worst part was that the 3rd time I knew he had lunch with her and I saw posts on her facebook page which were almost clear that she was feeling something and they were almost dating (or at least they have had something already), I confronted him in a REALLY CALMED way (as he had asked me during these period of 3 weeks, to be calmed, to talk calmed, etc) – and he just told me we would discuss that issue at the end of the day….and guess what, he has never looked for me AND he has been showing up apparently “casually” with her, holding her and greeting her as if they are obviously together…

    • Helen Bartle June 28, 2015, 9:50 am

      Thats exactly what I’m going through! My boyfriend of 2 years suddenly started to be distant and cold towards me and I wasn’t allowed to touch his phone (his excuse was that he was planning a surprise for me). Any way he came home one morning after a night out with his new friends and said “oh I had a great night, we had so much fun. Oh and by the way I had sex with someone else”… But it was all just another lie.. All those nights out with his new friends, just lies! He was seeing a colleague, the girl he said I had nothing to worry about, she was just a friend. The worst part is that he made me feel guilty for asking if there was something between them… Anyway now his family is furious with him because they were so fond of me.. Our mutual friends are furious and so is my family.. All he has left is our dog, his new girlfriend and himself.. No friends or family will speak to him. I was hoping it was a one night stand, because then it would just have been one mistake and I would still have fond memories of the relationship.. But the fact that he has been cheating for over a month.. Going out with her, kissing her and being intimate with her and then he would come home to me and do the same, I feel disgusted. Our holidays and trips and every other fond memory apparently mean nothing to him and he has taken a giant shit on our time together. On the bright side I will be a stronger and wiser woman when I get through the heart ache..

      • Emma October 22, 2015, 11:40 am

        Same situation but he had an affair with two different women. One of who was innocent and didn’t know he was taken (poor girl found out later and left him) the other a slutty bitch who knew about us. If only cheats would end up together and loyal people would end up together the world would be a fairer place.

  • Amy May 9, 2014, 2:12 am

    I was in an incredible relationship for 5 years. Two months after he proposed to me, I found out he had been cheating on me most of the time. The complexity is that he truly loved me. The reality is that if he could betray me and lie to me like get did, then that’s not the kind of love of want. I deserve better. This article helps me I read it every few days.

    • Mary June 24, 2016, 4:44 pm

      Amy, sounds like we have the same story. My finance cheated on me 3 weeks after he proposed. I know he loved me more than anything, we were so incredibly happy. But I couldn’t do it. I could never be with someone capable of doing that.

  • Matt June 1, 2014, 3:29 pm

    For me, I was cheated on and she left me for him 3 days before I was supposed to move in with her, by whatsapp…I just can’t get the image of her and him out of my head, and what he has more than me. And I’m not usually the type of guy to comment on this type of thing but I just don’t know where to turn to.

    • Kevin June 3, 2014, 6:21 pm

      Hey Matt,

      I am sorry you have to go through this. Since here are not many resources on this website related to infidelity, I’ll recommend you check out http://www.survivinginfidelity.com. They have a great community over there and a lot of resources that will definitely help you.

    • Avnie February 23, 2015, 12:00 pm

      Hello Matt,

      It’s a good thing that you found out about them in an early stage before moving in. Saved you the pain of leaving and getting dump later. I do understand how it feels when you see anything that shows how much that person whom you loved, is looking happy with some one else. I have had this pain too. But life is about carrying on. I know its very late for me to reply as I just happened to read it, because you normally visit these kind of sites when you seek help for the hurt you have been through. And right now is my time. I am told to be very emotional, so much that I have hurt myself looking at his pictures, of his Fiancee’s pictures (yes, he is to marry her now, some kind of family thing) , stalking him, etc. But I eventually realized, that all this time, I didn’t actually love MYSELF. I didn’t try to soothe myself, make myself happy. Because I cannot, then nobody can. But now, I have decided to be strong. Strong like a rock, so that not a thing could shake it anyway. I hope you are over this too.

      “When you are lost and alone,
      Or you’re sinking like a stone,
      Carry Onnnnn…….
      – By “Fun”

      Take care

      Avnie

  • lynda August 7, 2014, 9:31 pm

    I thought it was very enlightening since I have experienced the same thing. My ex cheated on me the entire 9 months we were together and although my instincts told me to move on I had to find proof. When I did find proof he told me to get over it. You can’t get over it. You can’t trust that person anymore and it makes it impossible to get back.

  • Kate August 21, 2014, 2:57 pm

    I have faced the same thing my ex cheated on me for 2 years and i never knew about it and when i confronted him he just went crazy and said stuff like i was not good enough for him, i never saw him later until now and we work together and i find it really awkward to even see him plz help me how do i overcome this

    • kelly October 16, 2014, 3:28 am

      Not easy but easy… You take a picture of the biggest jackass you can find and post it in the break room. He never felt good enough for you and his displacement anger says alot more than the obvious. He is trying to make you feel like this whole mess was all of your fault to lessen the guilt that he has when he looks at you. Sometimes, cheaters are just plain selfish asses, don’t let his inferiority complex ruin your happy day of jack ass pictures. I have been down that road for six long years, two babies that were born out of the relationship and one that passed away (yea he even cheated on me a few days after our son’s funeral!! ) All I can say is jackass… and yea, I hate him too.

  • Anom August 27, 2014, 12:34 am

    Me and my ex got back together after our first big argument, the next day she was with someone else, which was really weird and I was stunned, she finished him and cameback to me. Things went okay as I had changed because the first time a lot of the problems were my own. I became everything she dreamed of but not so long ago, she went back to the same loser guy and I keep seeing things with them being happy etc. I’ve moved on but it still hurts, to give someone so much and they lie to you and continue to lie and blame me for everything

  • Joanne September 21, 2014, 1:04 pm

    I am going through all this he cheated on me with 6 girls that I know of! He always accused me of cheating and they day a cheater always accuses the other half……I am finding it really hard to move on he is with someone else now but has slept with me twice while being with her. I know i shouldn’t of done it but he told me both times he had split from her and telling me hes sorry for everything and wants me every time i do try and move on and start seeing someone he appears in my life again!! I still do love him but I know he will never change how do I stop loving him and am I ever going to be able to move on

    • Melissa December 29, 2014, 7:01 pm

      You are not alone. I am now in the same situation, I kept taking mine back thinking it would change and he would tell me that he loved me only to find out that he was sleeping around, got someone pregnant, and asked his ex to move in with him. Our love will never die for another person because we know we loved them with all of our heart and they no longer deserve that. Take that love and give it to yourself. Treat yourseld and be happy for once. I feel like I wont be able to move on but find happiness in things that you have never done before…im here for you and I think everyone else is.

  • ali September 26, 2014, 2:42 pm

    I fee l like my situation Was the worst.my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. I ended up pregnant and he decided to cheat the last 4 months of my pregnancy. That’s what I needed him the most I felt so alone unloved and unwanted. And this whole time he was showing someone else love. I did not find out until 3 Weeks after we had our daughter. I found pictures of him and the female in his room halfway naked.now it’s been a week and I feel like I deserve an explanation. She should have been honest. If you didn’t want to be with me why cheat especially when I was pregnant. I’m so lost, heartbroken, but deep down I know I deserve better.

  • Lizzie October 6, 2014, 10:52 am

    Hi Kevin. I want to start by thanking you so much for this web page. My ex and I broke up a month ago, I was devastated and looked up whatever I could on the internet to help me deal with the pain. Your page and 2 week email course has helped me the most. I found out my ex cheated on me, had a one night stand. We were together for a year and I had a lot of expectations for our relationship which was pretty good all in all however we did have our problems too. I thought the love we shared and the strength of connection we had was enough to pull us through anything until he cheated on me when I was away on holiday for a month. I’ve dealt with all kinds of emotions since I found out but glad that I’ve been strong enough to resist the temptation to take him back, something he is open to but I’m certainly not. I now have a much better idea of what I’m looking for in a partner and know I need to stay positive and optimistic about the future.

  • Etney sylvester October 14, 2014, 11:42 pm

    Hi was in relationships for 8yrs .. Recently when into boyfriend phone find out cheating on he say sorry 1st time I forgive him 2nd time forgive him 3rd time broke up so hurting I can’t go work I cry all time please help me am so lost

  • shemar October 28, 2014, 6:53 am

    Hey guys i broke up with my girl of 2years on sunday when i found out she was unfaithful,there was no drama i just told her to pack her staff and bounce,,,,anyways she tried calling me but aint gonna pick up….be strong guys it heals with time

  • Alexa November 18, 2014, 1:03 am

    when my ex cheated on me I was only in 11th grade and he bought me a promise ring and little later went on and he cheated and then the same thing happened me . I am was stupid for giving him a second chance. especially my friends told me that he did and called me stupid he said. I still cant get over it hurts . he was my first true love.

  • miriah November 26, 2014, 1:24 pm

    I am trying to get over my ex but it feels i will never get over him. I was with him for three years and he was cheating on me the whole time. My father had a stroke and was in the hospital so i had to drive five hours to go see my father. My ex said he couldn’t come because of work i come to find out later that he was fucking another woman while i went to see my father who almost died. I had no clue he was cheating on me. I feel so stupid now cause all the signs where there i just ignored them. He started telling me that i need to go to the gym that im getting fat and he would call me stupid and he would leave at like 9 at night and not come home until 6 in the morning. He would tell me that he was just driving around by himself. I loved him so much i really wanted to believe him. Until one day i had just got off work going home to see the love of my life i was planning on going home to make him dinner and after i was going to put on something sexy for him. I had a fun night planned. Right when i was leaving work my phone said i had a message from Facebook. It was a long message from a woman i never seen before. It started out hello Miriah my name is —– —— i have been dating your boyfriend- —— ——– for about a year now. This whole time i have known about you. Everytime he would go away on business trips or to buy a new car or truck i was with him. I would stay with him at him moms house everyone knew he was seeing me except you. When you went to see your sick father i stayed with him. He even let me wear one of your nightgowns. I have rencently broke up with him because im tired of being the other woman. Im not the only woman he has been having sex with. There is like ten other girls just that i know of. I couldn’t take it anymore because i really love him and i cant live like this any longer. So i hope you and him live happily ever after because he really dose love you. When i read that my heart almost stopped. I spead home crying my eyes out. I called him while i was on the way and told we are done how could you do this to me. And the tone of his voice sounded as if he was amused by heartbreak. I finally got home started throwing my things in bags then he started trying to hug me saying he was sorry but i just was not a good girlfriend to him. He blamed me for him cheating. He said everything that he could to try to justify him cheating. It has been months now and i am still heartbroken. Like the very day after i left that girl moved in. And he tries to tell me he loves me. Now i feel ugly fat and worthless. I don’t know if this pain will ever go away.

    • roc corbin November 28, 2014, 5:46 pm

      I am so heartbroken for you right now, please don’t feel fat and worthless. Alot of times when things like this happen we blame ourselves thinking we weren’t good enough or need to change our appearance for the better. The truth is even if you were a perfect 10 there are always other women that can pull your man to them, its up to him to not allow them in. I have been on both sides where I have hurt people by being stupid but i got it back seriously bad by some people that I thought loved me. Seems the person that I did the most for hurt me the most, the women that I gave no time to would give me the world. I recently experienced finding out that the woman I have been in love with for 5 years has been seeing someone for the last year, I found his pic on facebook after I caught them in the house together and of course that made me mad. He looks like a model, so telling me that you two didnt do anything together is of course a lie. they werent doing anything when i walked in but I did find out what I needed to afterwards. She wasnt honest when i caught her and that hurt, I had to keep digging to find the truth so how can I forgive you fully if i dont know what im truly forgiving you for. She flew to Texas to see him for 4 days in May then he flew here and spent 5 days with her at home??? I was told that she was in Boston with her family for a few days and now I know the truth. Felt like someone drop kicked me in the chest. Ive been paying $300 of her rent for the last 2 years, I paid daycare for her son for 8 months when the father refused to help let alone even sign the birth certificate. I have been there from day 1, i met her and she was a month pregnant and had no idea. Guess what?? I stayed with her and supported her all that time to find that I was being played. Now I cant eat or sleep, thanksgiving was yesterday and we text but didnt see each other. I thought women bad mouthed us for cheating then she goes and does me even worse? Dont let what someone did to you ruin how you feel about yourself or feel that you arent good enough. You could give your right arm and still get cheated on, hope this helps, Im still healing now that I know the truth and Im not sure if I can be WITH or WITHOUT her. Feels like im slowly dying….

    • jesse December 2, 2014, 4:51 pm

      miriah im very truly deeply sorry. reading this makes me want to find the asswhole who did that to u and beat his ass. u r a strong beautiful women. dont let this bastard ruin the chances for other respectful guys to make u happy. u deserve the world 🙂

    • pamperedjane May 22, 2015, 5:47 am

      Honey, YOU’RE CLEARLY the Victor here! Don’t EVER let anyone diminish your self-worth. If (he) could move “her” in within hours of your departure, Mark My Words, he’s NEVER STOPPED NOR WILL HE EVER STOP CHEATING. Life is too short to not enjoy every precious moment and, someday, when you know you’re ready, a Good Man will enter your life and make you feel more loved, adored, respected and fulfilled – as life is meant to be shared, with an adoring, respectful, TRUSTWORTHY partner. But next time, thanks to D-Bag, you’ll take your time, get to fully KNOW your new love and not RUSH things. Don’t settle for ANY man, lest he Honestly and Truly ADORES you! Abundant Blessings.

  • FeelinMightyLow November 30, 2014, 7:29 am

    Hi Miriah,
    Just wanted to let you know that someone else has gone through the exact same thing you are right now. I’m still not over it yet and it has been a difficult 18 months for me.
    My girlfriend claimed that when we first met, she was single. she broke up with her bf because he cheated on her and broke her heart. i had not been in a relationship for nearly 4 years, so when we met, it seemed like magic- finally, everything was going to fall into place to make up for all of my own heartaches and failed relationships. We started out e-mailing on line, and when I was in her area for a few days around 4 months later, we met face to face for a few drinks. In hindsight, one thing she said to me was a foreshadowing of things to come – she said, “I hate a liar”. Little did i know that did not apply to her own actions. Anyway, our first meetup lasted for several hours – she was so easy to talk to, and she didn’t judge me like other girls often did. We met up for a date (stayed overnight at her place, etc). i was totally swept off my feet by her attention, affections and cooing “You are so the guy for me.” since we lived about 150 miles apart, we discussed my moving to her town, living together, and stuff when I stayed with her for a full week soon after our first date.
    But you know what? When it seems too good to be true, well, it is. About a month later, during our regular late night daily phone chats, she tells me, with a nervous tone, that “honesty is the best policy” I asked what she meant. “I’ve had relations”. she was ambiguous, a trait of her personality as I would learn as time went on. She begged me to forgive her, and I did, figuring that we were a new couple, blah blah.
    But she continued sleeping with her ex at every opportunity. She came to visit me and stay overnight, her phone kept buzzing in the AM. I didn’t know but it was her ex, apparently she was stringing him along the whle time. something i was made aware of when her supposed “ex” sent me an e-mail, telling me in very graphic fashion exactly what they were doing sexually while she and i were supposedly in love. It just crushed me. I wouldn’t talk to her for days. She wrote a letter explaining everything. Begged me to hopefully forgive her. And, like a fool, I did. Things got better, at least from what I saw for several months, until I got another e-mail from another one of her ex BFs – she would tell me these guys were stalkers and were obsessed with her. This other ex BF wrote that my supposed GF was not being honest with me – because she desperately did not want to lose me. he had been sleeping with her for 6 months, around once a week the whole time she was ‘with’ me. And, she was sleeping with 5 or 6 other guys. Like a rotation of guys. He did say that she loved only me, the other guys, including him were just lays without pretense of feeling. you can’t imagine how much that hurt me. But even worse – before i told my GF about thst e-mail, she nervously told me that she was pregnant. i knew by timing it was not by me. She had me so under her spell that I had no self respect. She wanted us to be together. But she got mad when i told her about the e-mail – she had been exposed. sudden;y she got very distant and cold with me. we were supposed to go away together for a planned getaway. i went to visit her again to try and sort out the future, but she just had a blank look most of the time. I got the vibe that she really didn’t want me there. And you can guess why – she had a replacement lined up.
    My feelings for her have not gone away, but I have learned that she suffers from borderline personality disorder. Her ex bf claimed she was diagnosed by a psychiatrist as bipolar, but her actions ( professing love and idolizing me early on, hypersexuality, excessive boozing, lying, desiring control, manipulation, and blaming everyone else for her actions) are textbook characteristics of someone who suffers from BPD. My gf picked me because i was an easy target – someone who has empathy, is trusting and would never cheat. In other words, I offered her love and validation. I think your cheating bf is also a borderline. Don’t blame yourself!!!! I urge you to check out this forum, it has helped me cope: http://bpdfamily.com/
    Above all, i wanted you to know you are not alone. Many cheaters are undiagnosed borderlines. Remember, it isn’t about their words – it is all about their actions.

    • Joey December 1, 2015, 5:35 pm

      Almost a duplicate experience of what I went through. It’s been almost two years, but this last week I have relapsed into a deep depression after having a horrible dream of her and the guys she cheated on me with. Argh!

      I definitely think my ex-gf is bipolar. The ridiculous amounts of drinking, wild sex, extreme anger, extreme happiness, the constant lies. There were so many warning signs, but I thought our relationship was special. In reality it was only special to me. She would flip out on the most minor things. For instance; I once made her breakfast in bed and she flipped out on me for using her kitchen; which, she said I was forbidden from using?! It was the weirdest thing.

      The worst memories is of the messages I found on her Facebook of how much she enjoyed $@&”ing each guy she was seeing. Also finding photos she kept on her phone of each guy she was with.

      It hurts so badly after all these years. I thought I had moved on, but I can’t seem to let go.

  • Wendy December 1, 2014, 4:24 am

    Writing a comment about my experience and knowing that I am not alone is going to help me get through today. (Having a downer) My 5 year relationship finally ended 2 months ago after a few attempts of trying to leave him. He was a compulsive liar and cheated on me countless times. YES! I stayed with him, I can only describe it as being under a spell. My trust was destroyed so I kept digging and found out that, he was hiding a prepaid mobile with only female names in it, putting personal ads for discreet times in the paper and on line, worked shift work and while I was working going out with so many other women, sometimes 3 in one week, he was so charming, a game he had been playing all his life. The women before me according to him were crazy and obsessed, it did the smear campaign on them and no doubt is doing the same with me. He must not be exposed under any circumstances so shifting the blame and focus on me gives him the power back. With many years of practice he played the game so well. We are both in our 50’s. At first I could not believe it, I didn’t know people like this existed. And I come here to read that so many lives have been effected by these so called human beings. I don’t know why I miss him, he never loved me, it was all a lie, a game of pretend, an illusion. This ‘spell’ had me believing that I could not live without him, or not be happy without him, he made me feel like a million dollars and the only woman in the world. Yeah Right!! Then I find out within minutes he is ringing up a dating service to see if he had any answers to his personal ad. 10 days after getting engaged he started an affair with a work colleague. I thought I could fix it, change him. They will never change! To get through a day like today, I have to remember how wrong he treated me and get my self respect back. But the good fun times sneak into my head and make it a little cloudy. Talking to others who understand makes it clear again. HE IS NO GOOD! Thanks everyone. Be safe and hang on in there.

  • Jmarie8992 December 3, 2014, 2:21 am

    Omg! I love this article! Very spot on!

  • Paul December 21, 2014, 7:17 am

    I was in a 12 year relationship with my fiancée and have a 3 year old child,I discovered two month ago she had been cheating on me for a month with some other guy,now this is totally out of character and it destroyed me and iknow she is or was the most kindest person in the world and was loyal as anything,the past few months leading up to this we lost twins and was arguing all the time,the way I discovered was horrible picked her up from night out with no knickers on shoved in her bag,I offered her a seconf chance because I love her and we had a child,but she likes this guy she cheated on and is still texting him and she says her and him plan to see each other on a few month,yet she still wants to come out with me wen I ask her only to show her that I can treat her well enough and we can get through whatever it’s not late,I tried moving on n had limited contact only for our child and she would randomly text,then she said she wants us to still be friends and it would be horrible with me not as her friend,so I agreed and we get on Great,iknow how much she loved me and we were one of those couples u think life partners I keep getting things that make me think she wants me back or she’s confused but she’s that stubborn and scared what people will think and wen I’ve asked her she said no,but iknow she does she’s invited me to spend new year with her to and I said yes,during our break up we have been out several ocassions to cinema or dinner n drinks and slept with each other twice and once she said she loved me,is she confused ?not sure what she wants ?thinks there’s only one way she can go ?with him,think I don’t deserve her?is it rebound with losing baby’s ?month before affair she was wanting married and we were looking at new houses,the signs are there I think she still wants me but us she waiting for new year Xmas to ask,and I’ve seen this other fella and he’s ugly and ten year older and honestly can’t see what she sees in him as she is so pure and well looked after.

  • Noddy December 21, 2014, 3:38 pm

    It has been more than a year since I found out that I was cheated on and the pain is still very real because every time I felt better he would message and somehow try to come back into my life and even though we never got back together just his prying into my life sends me right back to the start and I can’t seem to pull myself together and after one year, I still look at myself as ask ‘what is it about me that wasn’t good enough?’

  • Melissa December 29, 2014, 7:25 pm

    So I want to add my story because the past two days or more have been hell for me. I have been with my now ex for 6 months. 4 weeks into the relationship his phone was going off in the middle of the night (insert this is after he told me he loved me) I took a gander at his phone only to find that him and his ex have been talking to each other the whole time that we had been seeing each other. I left and he begged me to come back. Well things slightly got better we went on a trip to Charlotte, NC (that was a living hell) that was the start of all the hiding of things. He never deleted his dating profile, he locked his phone and hid it from me and when he would text or call someone he would go outside. He was a completely asshole to me the whole time we were there but I kept thinking that maybe it was my fault for gandering again in his phone. Well Thanksgiving time rolls around and I was going to spend it with him. Well work let me have the day off I needed to go see my family that lives 12 hours away. The first time we would all be together and to see my dying mother. WHAT DOES HE DO??!! gets mad at me and sleeps with a 23 year old. Welp…I said fuck you tried to move on then we went on a vacation the mountains…kept seeing that he was on his phone alot but I loved him a lot and wanted to try to make it work even though he was never understanding of my feelings. We started saying I love you and everything. I met his dad on Christmas ever for the first time and he loved me a long with his whole family. That night who did I see him texting…his EX!@@ Well i did not want to ruin anyones christmas or mine so I blew it off until the next day when I saw he called her and I left. He followed me and proposed to me. Welp it doesnt stop there….all weekend btw him telling me to get lost and putting me down…he acted weird. I drove his friends and him around while they were drunk and I catered to him and his family. While he went outside yesterday I took another gander at his phone because i learned the code. He had asked his ex to move in with him. THe girl from thanksgiving is now pregnant and he has been sleeping with her since and there is many others. He told me I was just a booty call to him and that he could have anyone and that I was nothing and a nobody. THAT IT WAS ALL MY FaULT. how could he ever judge the measure of someones love…and lastly he put my mother down whom is dying….i will never be able to forgive let alone know if I can trust anymore.

  • Angelo January 26, 2015, 7:14 am

    I wish 1 of my good friends would take this advice. She wants to get back with her ex whom she split up with almost 2 years ago. Her ex cheated on her the 1st year of their relationship and actually ended up giving her STD’s (curable). She actually stayed with him initially after this happened & they broke up & got back together several times. She finally broke it off, and ended up meeting a great guy whom she told about her past situation & he chose to stay. She has had a ton of physical issues & surgeries from the STD’s including a partial hysterectomy & cancer. She left the new guy a couple months back because she still has feelings for the ex & wants to pursue getting back with him. I’ve asked her why she would want to go back? She tells me that her ex was the best love she’s ever felt & she makes excuses including blaming herself for the failure of the relationship by causing her ex to resent her. She’s been going to therapy for several months & has been diagnosed with depression & she’s on anti-depressants. I am very concerned about her. Am I off when I say She sounds very delusional to reality about her past relationship with her ex?

  • Lawrence Johnson February 3, 2015, 10:25 pm

    my wife cheated on me,and then waited to tell me two months later,we had ups and downs befor.Each where diffrent,but one stuck out she couldnt not let it go,her mom side of the family 90% didnt care for me because of the type of work I do and leagle all day.To put it clear I am a police officer as well as a public safety officer,for a local Hospital.10 years under my belt,and I see bullcrap comeing most of the time from people.Well when her family felt uneased when I come around,wish I was perpared for what came next.the last problem we had she could not let go,so she went back to her two youngest kids father and had a one night stand.She told me she did it out of anger,I wanted to take my life,because at that moment,I cried like no other befor,I asked why!me! and she just replyed I was verey upset,just wanted to get back at you.WoW! its been two days now and it has gotten no better.prey,prey,prey! I never cheated did everything a man was to do,I was a father to five kids paid bills,and my wife only worked part time.I had no issue with it,but we where suppose to last.it hurts bad,but,,,,,,,,she still wants to be friends.Hell No!!!!!!

  • Ingrid February 6, 2015, 12:03 am

    Thank you so much for this post it has helped me in many ways. My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me because he said my parents were too strict I know that was just a lame excuse for not wanting to be together with me anymore. But a couple days ago I found out that he cheated on me while we were together and this has hurt me a lot and I still miss him and wish he could be a part of my life again but I know that’s not an option anymore. I still question why he did it but this post has been an eye opener for me thank you!

  • SB February 6, 2015, 10:30 am

    I had suspectes my husband was cheating. We recently moved back to were he grew up and he started hanging out with the wrong crowd and meet a woman through these people. The minute I saw her. I knew he would be attracted to her. After a couple of months of hanging with his friends and her in our garage (which I was never invited) i asked him if he was cheating with her. A month later he left his normally locked cell phone open and I read text between he and her (on the same day I was sitting in ICU with his 90 year old grandma). He told me he had sex with her once because we were having issues and fighting and started falling out of love with me. But he broke it off with her because she became very possesive and stalking him.I asked him if she hadnt gone psycho would you have stayed with her. He said he honestyy didntknow.We agreed to try and work things out and had a great week together. Spending time being intimate. Then one night hanging out in our garage with all his friends again. She wasnt there but I got angry…I went to his uncles house (who was already upset with my husband for his recwnt behavior and bad choice of friends) and told him and his girlfriend what had happened because he wasnt allowing me to talk to him. I needed to vent. Well when I got home he packes his things and moved out. Said how could I betray him like this with the person who hates him most now. So hes been moved out for 3 weeks. When he has my 4 year old, she comes back calls me the other females name. I ask him about it and he makes comments like see this is why I dont want to move back home. (In the mean time his grandma passed away. I took care of her until she died) he was no where to be found, i called his roommate and was tols he is probably with rhe other woman. Well today I drove by the place he is staying walked in the door and they were together in bed. Fully clothed thank god. I said youve been telling me you havent seen her. He said I hadnt but you pissed me off by texting me. So I got bored and called her. Now Im very involved with all the funeral services and he said he doesnt want me to go because he doesnt want to explain to anyone while we are separated. I said I will go with him and put on a brave face as if nothing has happened. So he came over to see my daughter tonight. He apologized but then just started being rude to me basically blaming me for causing this to happen. He promised me a couple days ago that no matter what happens he will always make sure I have a place to live. He will be inheriting quite alot and his family thinks hes a complete creep. I just want to move on. But because hea being so non remorseful and mean it makes it even worse. I just dont know how to stop feeling so hit and a funeral all at the same time just more difficult. I just need some words of wisdom

  • Saad February 9, 2015, 8:42 pm

    I’m with a girl now, we’re long distance for the time being, and even though we’re not in the same state, I’m still faithful but I know way down in my heart that she has been lying and cheating, it sucks because I really care for her and want things to work out, but I guess I have to move on …I won’t be fooled again in this relationship, because the last one, me n her were extremely close, family friends and all, I did everything for her, yet she had an affair…

  • jj February 11, 2015, 5:44 pm

    I was with my ex for over two years. the last two weeks of our relationship were long distance and everything was great until she cheated. I wanted to end it and then she wanted a second chance. I gave in to her sadness and telling me she loved me and gave her a second chance. It was only four days later she started talking about how she was unsure of herself and maybe wanted to keep cheating so I ended it with her. She was so lost she said and didn’t know what to do or to think but still wanted to go out every night getting blacked out drunk and stoned all day long and not work. Just makes me mad that a person could do this. I am working on myself and my career. It sucks being the nice guy and then getting fucked over but she is not the same person as she use to be. when we first started dating she wanted to finish school and work and be independent but now she relies on her parents and myself at the time to pay for her habits. I was getting used.

  • Dee February 13, 2015, 12:59 am

    I am just 2 days out of a relationship. My ex and I dated for almost a year. He had a previous girlfriend who was very accomplished professionally and allegedly he dumped her for me. I struggled with low self esteem for over 30 years ( I’m 41) and would ask him “why did you dump her for me?” He would give some bullshit answer. Well I had prayed about our relationship everyday and asked God for a sign. 2:00 am on Tuesday I looked up his ex and saw that she had his last name. He not only cheated but gave her the wedding I dreamed of. I’m beyond devastated because I feel stupid! Why did I ignore so much?!? I should’ve questioned him at every uncertain statement but I didn’t because I thought I was being understanding and giving him space. I had a masters degree but I certainly feel like a fool! I know I will be smarter next time but it just hurts

  • selina February 25, 2015, 2:47 am

    I spilt with my fiance sunday…I was with him for 6 1/2 years… I was in love and thought he truly was the one. Come to find out he was living a double life…he lied about his age but had his proof to make me believe other wise he was married cheating on his wife with me and secretly left her for me and we moved in together. I found out he has 2 kids with her and another with a different woman. He proposed to me while he was still married and the ring was a fake…after I started finding stuff he would lie call me crazy that I’m playing a little game with him and manipulated me making me feel I couldn’t live without him and would call my family friends and tell them and tell them he’s tired of my shit , that I was ignorant, and he’s tired of my bullshit. I was in denial for the longest because I trusted him and loved him above everything else.
    All the shit he put into my head drove me to the point were I was ready to blew my head off literally. Once we lived together he was cheating on me with her and was cheating the whole relationship with me his wife and god knows who else. I found out the truth from a family member of his and I dont think they really knew what he’s been doing either. I even gave him chance after chance to confess and we could work on it and even after he never would admit it. I wrote wife online told her everything . I never heard back but I hope she sees the truth and the hurt he caused so many people and doesnt bring that evil back to her family. I feel at peace knowing the truth and that I do not have kids or married to him. But it hurts so fucking bad trying to move on with my life knowing I loved and was lied cheated violated. And that I was living, sleeping, and was in love with someone who never exsisted and was a total stranger. I never wish this even to my worse enemy. Its sad that is seems there’s more evil people then good in this world and I know one day this will come back on him. Never the less it could always be worse I suppose..

  • Paul February 28, 2015, 5:18 am

    hi good day
    I have the same issues about “trust” but I am the one who did the mistakes it’s all my fault I do cheated on my gf and now she broke up with me , the story was way back from 2013-March 2014 while I’m dating with my recently gf who broke with me this week I still having a communication with my ex until this woman fell inlove with me and I let my ex to come here visit me then after a week she left this woman that I do cheated on came here also then I don’t have a guts to tell him in short I’m a coward and lier , but after that incident with my ex aside from hiding it for so long I didn’t do any cheating anymore I focus on making this woman to be happy with me and to show her that I really love her we already more then a year before break up happens last week she discover then a comment like this on my ex ” :* ” then she ask me to tell her everything so then I told her but not knowing by my self and she told me so that she know everything already long time she just waiting for me to say it and apologize in front of her , then now yes we broke up she said she don’t love me anymore she don’t want to see anymore she hated me just leave her alone and let him forget everything coz she don’t want to hurt anymore she want to move on, all I want now is to get her back and want to see visit her problem is when would be right time moment

  • Arina Addey April 11, 2015, 8:43 am

    Thanks soo much for your advice…my boyfriend and i had been together for 11 months 6days and we were about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary when i found out that he was cheating on me with a friend…
    He had said soo many hurtful and painful things and lied so she would accept him.
    When i found out i broke up with him, he keeps begging for another chance but since this is the second time he’s done this i know he wont change
    Im in the missing phase but thanks to your advice i know i can get over it..thanks again

  • Carly June 7, 2015, 2:16 pm

    Im in the same boat. I was in a relationship for 5 years, lived with him basically the whole time. Everything was great until one day told me he needs time alone and needed space. Have him 2 weeks then when we went to talk he said he had hung out with 2 girls the day before (swore he didn’t do anything but who knows) and then told me to pack my stuff and leave. I’ve been there for him when no one was and had an amazing relationship. Seems the emotional aspect is the hardest for me to get over. It consumes my mind and I can’t focus on anything. I don’t know what to do.

  • Lauren July 3, 2015, 10:59 am

    Hey,

    Never written on a board before but thought I would share my recent story as I am finding it really hard to get over and perhaps someone can share some wise words!

    I was recently engaged to my fiancée of 3 years, and had been living together for half the relationship. Ever since I first knew him he had always had girl mates (more than guys) which I found strange but didn’t want to enter his life and try and change everything so just tried to accept it. He never made an effort for me to get friendly with these girls though. He would see them alone sometimes and because I felt he was being honest with me about seeing them or what he was doing, I felt there was not a reason to not trust him.

    Anyway, this has happened throughout our whole relationship which I should have put my foot down about! I always knew he was a flirty person but whenever asked about cheating he would always say ‘I have never done it to someone before and never would. If I wanted to cheat I would break up with you first’ and I felt no reason to not just trust his word. I am a very open and honest person and he was always much more of a closed book and had suffered from a difficult childhood and not getting along with his dad who died at the beginning of our relationship when I first met him. He never wanted to discuss these things with me and would just put up a wall and pretending like things don’t bother him etc.

    Anyway, he was lovely and kind in a lot of ways but I also had to deal with his temper sometimes and other bad traits but when you love someone it’s hard to walk away especially when you are also now living with them and don’t want your life to change!

    So anyway, he proposed in August, we had our engagement party in November and were due to get married in April next year – most of our wedding had already been booked. He had mentioned this girl ‘Rachel’ many times who he worked with at his old company, saying they were just friends etc but again I never got to meet her. It kept bothering me and I kept saying I don’t feel comfy about her – perhaps I got a 6th sense and he just told me to stop it and that I was being paranoid etc. He had started a new job in Feb and because he was now a manager, told me he had to work late quite a bit at the beginning when he started which of course I believed and felt no reason not to!

    Anyway, about 6 weeks ago one night he decided to admit he had been cheating on me with her and told me it had been a couple of times (in our flat too with pictures of us everywhere!!) and that he does like her but wants to make things work with me. After moving back to my parents a couple of times in the next week or so as he needed space in his head to think..I then moved back in as he said that he does really want to make a go of things with me and does love me – then 5 days later one night he lost his temper and Said we can’t be together right now as you keep bringing it up and asking questions about it – well surely any woman who this had just happened to would feel insecure and want to ask questions! So I had to move back home again that night! The next day I went with my parents to the flat to pick up some of my stuff and she was there in the flat with him just sitting there chatting (I hadn’t told him I was coming and thought he would be at work). So I had to be confronted with her and literally broke down. She admitted to me it had been more than a few times and that they had told each other they loved each other which funnily enough he had not admitted to me himself.

    Anyway, that was a few weeks ago, we haven’t really spoken since, I know he still sees her and it kills me every day as I do miss what we had despite the bad parts and still can’t believe he has actually done this to me. Why propose and then do this? It’s disgusting and selfish.

    Hopefully in time I’ll get better and meet a much more decent guy!

    Anyway,

    • robert bryant August 15, 2015, 11:44 pm

      I feel your pain sweetie, just try to remember it’s not your fault. Going through some pain caused by the one I love. You MUST rise above their petty act and remember you are as good as anyone. Although the pain is intense you will feel better wishing love and happiness for that person vs hating them! This is for your growth. Pray for help through bthe pain. It’s all you can do because we can never change anyone. Most are self centered and could care less of the pain they cause. God bless and good luck!

  • robert bryant August 15, 2015, 11:34 pm

    I am to old for this shit. In my fifties and have so many things going on, the woman I loved could care less about me. She thinks I’m a dumb ass that can’t see the writing on the wall. I helped her sell her house and she forgets without me she would have gave up thousands in equity. It doesn’t matter. I’ve been kicked to the curb and my heart is broken. I included her in my life plans. I feel lost and in a dark place. I don’t know if I can go on with the pain I feel. Please someone pray for me because I hurt so bad that I don’t trust myself. God help me!!!

    • Surayya September 19, 2015, 12:30 am

      Hi . Allow yourself to grieve. Don’t rush but than set a time everyday ” I am having bad moment . I am hurting ” than let the memories visit cry if you need to than get up tell the memories ” ta ta ” , freshen up , smile and hug yourself for allowing yourself to grieve. Smile , start loving yourself by doing something nice for yourself. If you do this daily you will note the time you spend in grieving everyday will get shorter and shorter. No need to rush but just don’t spend all day in it. Your life is precious. Be good to yourself. Don’t waste it being miserable for someone who is not worth your time. Hope this helped. God bless you and ease your pain

  • Annie September 22, 2015, 6:04 pm

    I’m 52 and hung onto the fact that my ex bf was the best I could get. He kept saying this throughout our 8 year toxic relationship. He cheated on me every chance he had. He answered & placed personal ads. Had 12 different emails to try & hide from me. Was signed up for at least 15 adult sites that I finally caught him on. And always told me to look at his “real” email as proof he wasn’t doing anything. None of my (2 different) therapists helped me end it. Your article stopped me from contacting him as I always did after he cheated on me. I finally feel like I can be strong this time and be free of him forever! Thank you for changing my life & giving me strength! Something I haven’t been able to do in 8 years that I was with him!!

  • Annie October 2, 2015, 10:35 pm

    What if there’s a child involved. I was pregnant when it was happening and I’m still pregnant.

  • Natalia Baker November 15, 2015, 3:19 pm

    Why do people always refer to cheating men as dogs? Dogs are the most loyal, faithful creatures in the universe. My dogs have always given true and unquestioning loyalty. Please stop!!

  • JENNIFER ROZO January 10, 2016, 5:53 pm

    Reading everyone’s comments about the heart ache they have been through makes me feel like I am not so alone in this. I dated a guy 7 years younger than me, at first I didn’t take it serious but he told me he was different he started behaving as if he was ready for a more serious relationship talking about children and how he wanted to be a young dad and I was his soul mate it took sometime but he wore me down and believed in him. We even made plans to get our own place. There were always red flags like for example after 8 months of dating I didn’t get to meet his friends or his family and every time I would bring it up he would say it was too soon he didn’t want people in our business it started to make me feel really insecure so I broke it off and he begged me to take him back I did and I ended up finding out he had a girlfriend the whole time a girl who had a baby and he was also trying to start a new relationship with a new girl who is currently with and flaunts her all over social media. The part that hurts the most is that I did break up with him as soon as I found out but it just hurts to know that I meant nothing to him but it’s fine I will move on… He started contacting me recently saying he can’t get over me that he wants to see me but I know better I won’t ever see him or speak to him because it’s pointless I forgive him but I forget it. I hope everyone that has been through this knows that love is still possible after horrible heart break don’t lose hope I am getting stronger a day at a time so if I can do it anyone can.

  • Tessa February 8, 2016, 8:38 am

    Thank you so much the encouragement and hope advice that this gave me. I already made the mistake of taking back my ex, hoping that everything will be good and we can start over. But I realize that you can never fully trust them again after what they have done to you. My ex eventually dumped me for another girl, she dumped him and he came crawling back to me, and I, being so in love still and dumb took him back. And even if he tried endlessly to prove he was never going to do it again the thoughts of him with another girl (his ex) was running through my head and I eventually couldn’t take it anymore. Now I’m dealing with the grief, breakup phase again. I need so much distractions and helpful advice to stay away this time. 🙂

  • betrayed April 9, 2016, 7:25 pm

    Okay I have a messed up tail to tell, I probably lovely messages to him and him back to her, I confronted her and she said it was nothing just a bit of banter we got in to a huge row about it and I stormed out, the next day I was at my nephews party my fiancé dropped the kids off and went I hear from my 6 year old daughter that her ex stayed the night in our bed, I confuted her and she said that I wast there for her he was there for me when I wasn’t, in the last six months I couldn’t go home, and it was hard to support her over the phone when she was feeling down we broke up. Next day I get a call saying I’m free to go

  • Lisa April 11, 2016, 5:51 am

    I thought I was with the man I’d be with till the end of time….after I had our son & he was 2 months of age, he left us both. A week after he had put up a picture with a girl kissing as his profile pic on social media…my son & I were alone & I was devastated that he left, he left because he didn’t get along with my parents. His Inlaws. Well around December he came back to both my son & me. And I…didn’t want to take him back. But eventually I gave in because I wanted a family for my son..I only forgave him because he said he only faked his profile photo & actually utilized the girl he was with…well now it’s April. & were no longer together I just recently found out that the girl he “faked” the kiss with is pregnant & due in July…he left on October… 😔 my sons dad lied to me & betrayed the very little trust I had for him…& he still denies anything with that gal…I can’t believe anyone could ever be so cruel 😞

  • Julia May 7, 2016, 8:30 pm

    e to get this off my chest. I met my ex when I was 17 years old in 2011. He lied to me and told me he was 26 but a month later I found out he was 36. He was my first boyfriend, my first love, and my first everything. After finding out I accepted it. I wasn’t happy about him lying to me but I was beginning to fall in love with him. A month and a half into our relationship I found out he was cheating on me with a particular girl multiple times. I confronted him about it and then I broke up with him. For a couple of weeks I stayed away while he attempted to talk to me but at the time he disgusted me. 2 weeks before I left for school we got back together. Through the years we’ve been on and off, and he’s has done some horrible things to me. Almost committed suicide because of him. Through the years when we were on and off, there would be times where I wouldn’t talk to him for months and he would try to reach out and vice versa. That’s how we kept going back to each other. In my mind I thought that is was because he loved me so much and I loved him. He was also like my best-friend. 2 years ago I officially broke up with him and told him that we would never be together again. I told him he could stay in my life as a friend and vice versa. That was a big mistake. He still pretended he was like my boyfriend and in a way sometimes I pretended to be his girl. I was comfortable with him and he knew my body so we still had sex even though we broke up. In October 2015 which is also his birthday month, he pulled a disappearing act on me. Something he did to me when I was back in school instead of breaking up with me, he disappeared. In Oct 2015, I reached out to get no response back. I actually thought something bad happened to him, was gonna go to his house until something told me not to. At the end of Oct, I was walking home when a man was driving a car screaming out my name. I looked and it was him. At the moment I refused to talk to him, and told him to go back where he came from but he insisted that I hear him out. I did and he couldn’t give me a real reason why he disappeared on me, but me being the silly naive girl that I always was, I let him back into my life. 2 weeks later I went to his house to hang out. As he went inside the shower, I searched through his dressers and found underwear and bras. I confronted him about it and he lied and kept saying it belonged to his cousin! Of course I didn’t believe him and I refused to touch him or have sex with him. He kept trying and I kept pushing him away because I wasn’t ready. For the past 2 years that him and I haven’t been officially together I would ask him questions like, “Are you seeing someone? Do you have a girlfriend?” He would always say no and accuse me in return. I did notify him that I went on causal dates but nothing serious. For the past 6 years that I’ve been on and off with him he was my only boyfriend. Still til this day he’s the only boyfriend that I’ve ever had. After finding what I did in his room that day, I completely changed with him.I rarely had sex with him anymore, didn’t pick up his calls or text back like I would normally, and didn’t allow him to see me as much. On December 30th 2016, I told myself that would be the last time I would ever let him touch me. From early 2015 to 2016 I saw little change in him. He would take me out more, buy me gifts, lend me money when I had problems and just simply be there for me. One thing he promised me is that he would always be there for me. In November 2015, I met a new guy who I was casually seeing and starting to like. When this new guy and I started having sex and completely stopped having sex with my ex. Also because I felt guilty. In Feb. 2016, my ex did something to piss me off so I completely cut ties with him that is until I went to a concert in March 2016 and saw him. He called me after saying how sorry he was and that he really needed to see me. That night I went to a party with him where he begged me to come outside and there he begged me to get back together with him and to give him another chance. I told him that he needed to work harder and then I would consider it. The new guy I was casually seeing, wasn’t doing what he was supposed to either so I slowed down on him. The only reason I didn’t tell my ex about the new guy was because the new guy and I weren’t officially together so I didn’t feel the need to. But I promised myself that whomever I dated and made it official with my ex would be the first to know. In April 2016, my ex expressed to me how bad he missed me and we made plans to go on a date around 11 pm, get a hotel ,and have a great night together. On that same exact night as I was headed to the mall to pick something up I got a phone-call. When I answered it was a female, when I ask who she was, she explained to me that she was his girlfriend and that she has been his girlfriend for the past 3 YEARS! At first I thought she was joking.That night we met up, I lied to him about getting out of work late, he then canceled our night together. As we met up she showed me pics, he even called her and she put him on speaker and had a full blown conversation while I was mute. After I showed her everything , we were both in complete shock and started crying. Never, Never in my life would I thought that I would experience this much pain. We confronted him on the phone together. He basically tried to comfort her and leave me in the dry saying that we weren’t together. Throughout the convo her and I had, she told me that she met his mom and sister, she had the key to his place, and he chased he to another country. All of those things I never got from him out of all meet his mom. I even found out that he had a third child his first born that I never knew about. At the moment when I was still having a convo with his girlfriend I sent him a picture of me and the new guy having sex to hurt him because he never tried to reach out to me. I felt like I somehow needed to get him back. A week later I tried to get closure from him , but he wouldn’t even face me. He gave me a bullshit sorry, all he wanted to do was talk about the pic I sent him. Then I realized that he was never going to change. He couldn’t even face me like a man. When his girlfriend found out that I reached out to him to get closure, she started acting funny and blocked me. I haven’t heard from them since. I feel so destroyed. Everyday when I wake up and go to sleep its on my mind. I feel so betrayed, to him I feel like trash. Most of all I’m mad at myself. To her him she was like his wife and I was simply trash….

  • Penelope May 8, 2016, 2:18 am

    I was married for 16 years to a man who was basically a serial cheater. I truly loved him, and we also had a child together. I did everything I could to try and keep my marriage and family together, and gave him so many chances, turned a blind eye to what I knew in my heart was going on, believed his lies about how he wasn’t doing anything, etc. Finally when it all became too much for me to put up with anymore, I kicked him out and of course he blamed me for his infidelities. The pain I feel now is sometimes completely overwhelming, and I wonder if I will ever be able to truly trust another man again. This is not the first time I have been cbeated on, but it’s certainly the most painful. There were other issues involved particularly domestic violence, but I still am the one who feels like I somehow wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, etc. I invested everything I had into tbis man and this marriage yet he has moved on like it’s no big deal while I am the one who is hurting over someone who actually doesn’t even deserve me to begin with!

  • People change May 27, 2016, 12:29 am

    Eat sh*t. P eolple change. You give the opposite advice to everyone who wants to hear what they want. Every website bs you and leads you on to buy something. Can anyone think of how they have changed since they were younger? Yeah thats what I thought. Has any ok ne got into trouble and learned from there mistakes and changed yes. Cheater always a cheater. No false. If thats true I guess all women and all men are the same. No they’re not. Maybe you think that bc they town or group you hang around seem to give traits that others follow. Its the bandwagon.

  • anonymous357 October 16, 2016, 1:13 am

    I met this guy in 2014, after a couple of months dating he suggested to move in while I though it was abit too fast but he said he really wanted to do so. So we did, after a couple of months moving in on newyears he started texing the girl he cheated with in his previous relationship (I didnt knew he cheated on his ex before me). I found out that he tried to hook up with her and kept saying he was single and living on this on. After 2 years while 1.5 years living together, I found out because one night, contiously text messages were blowing his phone up while he was in the shower. He said he loved her and missed her, eventho they didnt meet up (yet) he did everything he could to get me out of the house and make her stay a week with him alone. Its disguisting. He told me as well he had an affair with her in this previous relationship for a couple of months (even when she lives that far away) and even the relationship before that one, he cheated/ dated as well with another girl. I mean once a cheater always a cheater, he never got caught before. Eventually we talked and he contacted both his 2 ex’s before to apologize for the years being. I said I needed a break and think about things through, while doing so he partied/ attached our savings account… and eventually he said he wanted to break up since he missed his single life and tried to make me insecure about myself, blaming me for allot. Couple of months after he started dating/ fucking girls and now half a year later he says he wants another shot and a clean plate…… I can never get back to him ever, even when I am feeling weak he disrespected me so much.

    DISRESPECT ISNT A FORM OF LOVE, hopefully when someone reads this …. you know that you have to stop and quit that self destructing behaviour because evenso you’re giving out so much to someone, they arent respecting you and YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS TOO. you deserve to be happy and your happiness should be #1 priority for someone else.
    never get back to an unloyal person ever, cause that disrespect they have cannot be earned again. evenso I find this hard, I am going to meet up one last time, hopefully I can get rest after this but one thing for sure… I am never giving this person a shot in my life anymore.

  • del May 15, 2017, 11:52 pm

    Thank you for that article my bf was cheating for 3 months my gut was shouting at me I even tasked him about it and quess what turns out he was cheating with the same girl I suspected lied to my face and used me best part was not able to break it off so waited for me to break it and blamed me for everything men are pigs cheating should be a crime.

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