Sometimes, a short term relationship is much harder to get over than expected. In many cases, people are not over a relationship even one year after a relationship that only lasted 6 months. It does seem strange, but it’s completely normal. The truth is, the length of the relationship does not matter as much as how you choose to handle the breakup and work through the grief.
The biggest reason that it takes so long to move on after such a relationship is expectations. When you meet someone after long time who completely swipes you off your feet, it’s hard to not build up expectations in your mind.
You find yourself imagining a future with this person. You feel confident that this is the one for you and there is nothing that can stop you from finally having the relationship you always wanted. You imagine being together forever, getting married and spending the rest of your life with the person that you love so much.
Pretty much like how these elephants feel.
But then all of a sudden, the relationship ends. Shock, denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and everything that comes with the breakup.
The shock phase usually lasts a long time in this type of breakups. But you still go through the rest of the phases.
Questions keep coming to your mind. After all, you were absolutely certain that this was the one. You don’t even want to try finding someone else anymore because you were convinced you found your dream partner.
In many of such cases, people feel rejected after this type of breakup. When you have been in a relationship for a long time, you can blame the dynamics of the relationship, or the incompatibility of you and your ex. But in a short relationship that was near perfect, it’s hard to find a reason for the breakup. And you end up blaming yourself for being the reason.
It’s just your mind’s way of handling loss. You have to blame something. You have to know who is at fault. Unless you find out who is to blame, your brain won’t rest.
If this is happening to you, I can guarantee you that you weren’t responsible for the breakup. If you think your relationship was perfect, then chances are it was pretty good. And your ex thought the same.
So why the breakup?
You. Yes you. Stop Blaming Yourself.
Well, there could be a lot of reason. Maybe your ex was emotionally unavailable. Maybe they were going through some tough time in their life. Maybe they were afraid of commitment.
Whatever it was, it was their problem and their decision. Do not blame yourself for it and do not hurt your self-esteem for this. Your expectations weren’t met, it’s OK. There is a good chance they are not going to be met even if you convince your ex to reconcile. It’s because just like every other case of breakup, this relationship was also broken. The only difference is that it looked perfect on the outside. (Need help moving on? Read my 5 Steps Plan To Recover Fast From a Breakup.)
So how do you get over it?
If you are having trouble getting over a short relationship, understand that the relationship had an effect on you and it is going to take some time and work to do it. The process of moving on should be the same. Just because it was a short term relationship doesn’t necessarily mean it will become easier.
Understand that you are not going to get closure by contacting your ex. Closure will only come from inside once you’ve accepted the loss. Understand that you will have to take care of yourself and go through the grief process. Understand that it will take some time but it will be worth it in the end. Understand that even though you might feel like you’ve lost someone great, there is someone much better out there for you. However, if nothing else works, you can try to get your ex girlfriend back.
In short, if the short term breakup is harder for you than you imagined, accept it. Don’t try to deny the fact and don’t try to find a shortcut to recovery.
Love this blog, but confused just a little. Getting in contact after the “no contact period” with a letter accepting the breakup. Well, what if someone’s no contact period is months, then the ex gets a random letter months later of acceptance of the breakup. Seems kinda weird, no?
Hey,
You have to use your judgement. If the letter seems inappropriate according to your situation, then you can go ahead and directly send the text. The rules are not written in stone, so you can modify them to suit you.
I agree with the letter idea. After a non-confrontational breakup (together 2.25 years), I wrote a letter to address my anger to my ex about 5 months after we stopped talking entirely and he wrote me back in a non-emotional manner which made me feel stupid for sending the letter in the first place. I learned you have to be true to yourself and send the letter any way, to release the negative energy. The universe shortly thereafter brought us together to talk about the breakup and that is when I emotionally moved on. Good luck!
Hello Kevin, thank you for your help first of all.
It’s been more than one year that i try to get over my love obsession on my ex. It was a short relation as exposed in the article. Love at first sight for both of us, two wonderfull months together. Then I had to go to another country 3000 kms away and 20 days after my departure she told me that it’s over that she doesn’t see herself in this…
Do you think the distance was the real cause ? What could be the other real reasons?
Thank you very much
Hey Ian,
It was probably because of distance. But it really doesn’t matter now. It’s been one year. You need to move on from this obsession.
Hello Kevin,
I had two short term relationships that ended out of the blue within 6 months time. They both torn me tremendously that I spent almost a year now to get over it. I think it really affected my self-esteem as one was saying he loves me then left me with I only like you as a friend and went into a relationship with another woman. And the other one asked me to be in a relationship and then left me after he learnt that I have had no physical experience, but he still slept with me and left. I think I am pretty much over it now but I find it hard that if in the future my potential partner ask me about this, I don’t even know how to tell him. I wondered maybe you could give me some advice please?
Thank you very much.
Celine
Thank you for this article. I am going thru the loss of a very short relationship (just under 3 months) but we became so close so fast that it felt like I we were together for a year. I know that may sound crazy but it’s true. I’ve never in my life fallen for a man as hard and as quickly as I did him. It’s been a month since it he ended it out of nowhere. The last time we were together, before he ended things via text message, he told me that he was finally ready to let his wall down around his heart. He told me that all he wanted to do was love me. I have never before had such a deep connection from the moment I met them. It was so intense and it was mutual. Sometimes we would forget what we were saying and get lost in each other’s eyes. I know it sounds so corny but it was true. I 100% believed I had met my soulmate and I am not the type of woman who has ever been prone to always falling in love or “airy-fairy”, fantasy worlds. So, after he professed his feelings and told me he was “all in” this relationship, he started backing off. Let’s just say in the course of 6 days, he went from professing his love, having our BEST night together we’d ever had, to not contacting me for 2 days or making plans for the upcoming weekend. When I delicately expressed my concern for his seemingly distant behavior, he copped to it, apologized and reassured me that all was good. Well, another day went by with no word from him so I basically told him how I felt and how his “hot & cold behavior was not okay with me. The next day he texted me and told me that he wanted to end things. It was/is so devastating to me. I still don’t know “why”. He said he felt it was best to move on. I was convinced that our connection was so amazing and so strong that we would be together for a very long time. Like I’ve said, it’s been a month and I cannot get over it. I feel like I’m stuck and I just miss him so much. I feel that if I was “good enough” or “worth fighting for” he would have made things work. How can a man feel 1 way and then 6 days later, feel 100% different? I don’t have answers. I have not asked for an answer because I’m not the type of girl that feels like I should stoop to that level. I will never talk a man into being with me. If he loved me and wanted me like I believed he did, then he WOULD be with me. So, when the article says not to blame myself, I guess that struck a nerve: of course I blame myself!!! I keep questioning everything and the more I do, the less sense it makes. Yes, I was starting to see red flags a couple of weeks before the dreaded text but I truly believed that we were soulmates and all these “issues” would eventually resolve themselves. Isn’t it true that true love conquers all??? I guess that I set myself up for disappointment because from the night we met, I had an established expectation that we would be in a long term relationship. The fact that it didn’t turn out that way is hard for me to wrap my brain around. It feels like such a devastating loss, a loss that I do not understand. How could someone do a complete 180 in a matter of days??? I just don’t get it. I want to get over my broken heart so badly. I’ve been depressed and crying my eyes out because I MISS this person so deeply. I’m going to read your Steps for getting over it. I sure hope it helps because I cannot stand the pain that losing this person has created.
I’ve had a very similar case. I still cant get over it. However, I never got the “I’m done with you” text or phone call. But. . I was smart enough to know that he was thinking “she’ll get my drift sooner or later”.
I fell deeply for this man. I’m not certain if I’d ever felt that way for anyone. He was 100% perfect to me. Not the most handsome man, but he was just perfect for me. I actually fell in love with him deeply. He could do no wrong with me.
We went on a couple of outings, and I spoke with a few of his friends over the phone during the two month period. He seemed to have told them about me as they were nice and teased me about my job etc.
One evening, he came over to mine, as we had done a lot, and didn’t leave. There was no plan for him to sleep overnight (as we had never done that), but then it got late, and he slept over. The following morning, the ‘inevitable’ happened. We slept together for the very first time. I regret that now.
I had a little bag of contraceptives in my bed side drawer which I had reached out to get, while we were making love. I didn’t know he was curious to see the contents of the bag. He then sent me on a wild goose chase to get him something. He looked through the bag, and formed an opinion perhaps.
About an hour later, he went back home. From the look of things I realized he had gone through my bag of contraceptives as they had not been left the way I placed them. He probably thought I used it frequently with men who came to my flat. Of course I had used things in the bag in the past but had not cheated on him. ( The truth is that he was the second man ever to come into my flat).
Was he thinking that I was meant to be ‘faithful’ to him at a time I didn’t even know he existed? i.e. before I met him
So I concluded that he just either wanted sex, or expected a celestial creature whom hadn’t had past relationships before I met him. He knew I wasn’t a virgin as we had had various conversations on such issues. He could have spoken to me about the bag, if he truly liked me the way that I liked him. If it was the other way round, I would not have left him simply because I found a pack of condoms/ contraceptives in his bedside drawer.
Why wouldn’t he do the same with me? he seemed very genuine right from the start, but I doubt that now.
Aurora how are you feeling now?
I’m experiencing the same thing and I want to know what you did to get over your ex.
Aurora how are you feeling now?
I’m experiencing the same thing and I want to know what you did to get over your ex.
Aurora, when I read your story – it was exactly like I experienced, somehow short term break up kinda hurt more than others. I hope you’re doing well right now. I just broke up 2 weeks ago after a high expectations yet short term relationships (my short term bf dumped me over a phone), he said the reason was because he needed to be close with his ex becuase of medical reasons, and he couldnt be as close with her if I were his gf. The reasons why I got so mad and angry and hurt not because of he left the girl (well in fact it hurts, but Ive been preparing myself to let him go, ever since I already knew they contacted each other again ever since the ex back in town and being very close even tho he said they were just “best friend” and then another time said if he could marry her now, he would marry her (they couldn’t be together because of legal term)-which left me kinda speechless but stupidly was still insisting to keep the relationship )
The main reason it hurts so bad because I was just back from seeing his family (another country- spent so much money on it), and not even a month after that he dumped me for second time – over a phone (the first time was before he flew back home, he told me its better for us to be friends because it’s unfair to me and admitting he hasnt move on) Second main reason it hurts so so bad was because everything he said in the beginning was all bullshit and inconsistent to what he said at the end, until I felt like as if I was the one who hallucinating, well in fact he kinda forgotten all what he said and promised. IT just hurts soso bad and Im still trying to get over this. He contacted me again right after the break up, and because Im currently having medical problem (thypus and on sick leave), I told him on the second day to stop contacting me for time being( politely) , because I need time to heal since my heart aches everytime he texted and it just made me overthink the situations even more (despite how mad and angrry and hurt I am and how hard it was to leave the group chat of his family (never told him to invite me but surprisingly he did all of these in the very beginning) and even explaining to his sister). And I thank myself for doing that.
Despite I still felt kinda bad, I wanted it to make a clean break. Im not sure how much time I should givemyself, but Im planning to send him a letter, send back his clothes that are still in my place, and give a gift to his grandma that Ive been wanting to give ever since I met their family.
Should I send a very short friendly letter or should I send a polite diplomatic letter explaining why I was hurt and then thank him and etc? What should I do? I dont know despite I was angry right now, probably somewhere in the future we can be friends again (not lover definitely), because we have so much things in common and I always respect his opinion.
But the fact he treated me kinda badly, do es it mean I should never give any friendship chance (not in the near future)?
Sorry if this is very long and kinda unclear. thanks for reading. Hope youre now doing well. all the best
I was in a 7 month relationship that ended abruptly. The man was a childhood friend of mine that I hadn’t seen since we were kids and he found me online. We’re both artists and both kind of cool geeks and hit off well. It was almost as if we were too much alike but with me being a social butterfly and him an alph male I felt suffocated and eventually it became violent. So I ended it immediately. I’ve never been in a domestic violence situation before and my parents never even argued in front of me so I didn’t stay couldn’t stay. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Then I started to miss him. My step father telling me I talk too much and don’t listen making it seem like it was ok for the man to hi me. I was beginning to wonder if it was all my fault. I hadn’t had a real relationship in 3 yrs before that. I waiting for the right one. This relationship was important to me. So now that I read this it helps me to just be ok with being hurt instead of feeling like a lame or weak minded. My friends and family make it see like it’s a joke. It’s been 3 months since the relationship ended and friends and fam move on. I’m a nice looking lady and men are constantly trying to date me but I don’t want you date right now. Not that I want my ex back. I’m just not ready. I’m just going to do what’s best for me.
Bunny,
I hope you are doing well. First, I would like to say none of this is your fault. There is NEVER any reason that a man should ever abuse his girl. Just because you may have a difference of opinion or you may “talk too much and don’t listen” should never excuse this behavior. It is deplorable.
You absolutely did the right thing.
T.
I think we need a mans point of view on here. I met this girl just about 2 months ago and we hit it off right away. I wasn’t looking to jump right into a relationship being as I have just had the worst year of my life. But there was something about this girl that just felt right. The way she would look into my eyes and the way she just wanted to cuddle up in my arms. I saw a few warning signs in the beginning but the way she would talk to me and I her it all felt perfect. I usually find some kind of flaw in anybody I’m with, but with her there was none. I found this new energy that I never had. She talked about how she wanted to live with me. She told me how I was the first guy that she felt like she could let her guard down for. We never had 1 argument. Not one real disagreement. She is 10 years younger than me. But I didn’t even notice the age difference. She is looking to go back to school and wanted me to go to a college open house in the city. So I changed my work schedule around and went with her. I figured since we would be in the city anyway that I would make it a special day. So I bought tickets in advance to go up to the top of the Freedom Tower. She looked so happy that day. I spent a lot of $ but didn’t care because I was just happy being with her. 2 nights later she sleeps over which she did often. Then wakes up leaves for work with barley giving me a peck. She then texts me in the morning and says sorry that she has been distant. I said I felt like something was up. She said that I deserve someone who could contribute more to the relationship. I said the way she makes me feel is contribution enough. She went to my house while I was still at work and picked up her belongings. She just turned very cold and said she didn’t have feelings for me. She never got those romantic feelings. This was a knife through my heart because I didn’t see any signs of this coming. The way she looked at me. The way she would text me all day and the way she would lay her head in my lap told me differently. It’s like she just changed over night. Now I’m sitting here crushed. I can’t eat I can’t sleep. I’m having a very hard time with this one. This one hurts more than I have ever felt in my entire life.
Broken man, I know exactly how you feel! the same thing happen to me! and now I am trying to put my heart back together that she handed back to me in a million pieces! I never fell for someone like that in such a short time! our first date was like we knew each other all our life! and it just kept getting better and better each time we would get together! But It all come crashing down out of know where! something, I can’t eat, sleep, work, concentrate, focus, I want to call her, text her, email her everyday! But she is so cold!!! and it just conflicts more pain when I try to talk to her! Can’t stand it! I thought as each day passes it would get easier But, I miss her more with each passing day instead!!
Plz email me if u can….if I didn’t know better I’d say this was the same girl. Uncanny. Everything you said, everything, including the ten years younger thing and staying over. I’m so torn up that I lost my jib, began using drugs and do not ever see this changing unless God himself expels the obsession… Email me at jaysonkruzel @gmail.com as I am desperate for answers..
I just want to say I am going through a devastating break up right now! What I am having a hard time with is, I don’t know how I ever got so attached to her in just a 3 months time! I had 4 year, 3 year relationship come to an end but never felt this pain that I am going through now! I guess I just to vent here! I have no one to talk to about it!
Thats the same thing that happen to me!!! I don’t know I I so attached to my ex in 3 months!!! I been in 3-5 relationship. and never felt this pain before! I DON’T understand it!
hey to all of you!
i ve had a short term relationship at the beginning of last year. it was like you all described it already: love from the first sight. and so amazing. my soulmate…but it came to an end just after 3 month. and now, a year after, i m still going thru the process of letting go. some days are still pretty hard and i m dealing with bad heartackes whenever those memories cross my mind. but what i can tell is that i stopped blaming myself and figured out that there were some warning signs around which i simply denied back then. and though its still hard the process became different. i focus more on myself and why i took such a big risk with my heart, why i gave it away that fast. you guys should see your experiences as a mirror where you can actually see yourself. if you reflect on yourselfes the outcome might be that you just wished so hard to be strongly connected to somebody else. it might come from your subconsciousness. once you break these walls and admit it to yourself, you will find a person that fits your wishes. the ones who left you just didnt. its sad and sometimes a bitter regret but please be gentle with yourself and be optimistic about your future…you will get over it! its a fact!
I have just split up with my partner of two months, having found out he was lying to me. He has given me so many excuses as to how he’s not a liar, trying to explain away what I’ve found out, but I just didn’t believe him. Throughout our relationship I couldn’t trust him, there were so many things he told me that didn’t ring true but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But this time around I couldn’t stick with it, and it ended over the weekend. Now I miss him so much, forgetting the worst bits of the relationship and just reminiscing on the good times. I know that there is no going back for us, but I genuinely thought we would spend the rest of our lives together and it is so hard imagining that not happening now. I can’t eat, my sleeping pattern is out of sync, I keep waking up in the night hoping he has text me but he hasn’t contacted me which makes it feel even worse. There is no hope left for a relationship that I thought would last forever, and it upsets me so much.
Well what can I say. I thought she was the one. I met her through a dating website and I felt love for this girl from the first moment we met. She was so sweet, interesting and seemingly different from many of the women I had dated over the years. We had similar interests, family values, and the way she looked and smiled at me was enough to melt the coldest man’s heart. I thought I had hit the jackpot.
Over the course of the month, we texted each other each day. She was the first person I thought of when I woke up and the last person as I went to sleep. The chemistry we had on our dates was simply amazing. I had fell hard for this one and I thought she felt the same about me. We shared so many good times together over this short period.
Shortly after being intimate together, out of the blue she messaged me that she wanted to talk. My heart immediately sunk and I sensed that it was over. She said that she couldn’t continue seeing me because she wasn’t over her past relationship and that I deserved to be with someone who would love me unconditionally. Needless to say, this was a total shock to me. When the news was fresh I clinged to this hope that maybe one day we could have a future together but now reality has set in. It feels like used me to fill in some void left by her previous lover. I was the rebound guy…
Looking back, I may have been so eager to start a relationship that I disregarded the warning signs and failed to ask the right questions. Letting my guard down set me up for a world of hurt.
I have learned a tremendous amount from this experience. For now, I keep telling myself that time will heal my wounds and I am comforted by people sharing their experiences on this blog because it shows that although we are all strangers we all yearn to love.
Stay strong friends.
Ciao
T.
So just got out of a three month relationship 10 days ago and it was long distance I feel hard for this man left my ex bf of 3 years for someone I knew 3 weeks but this man presued me so hard and told me he loved me how could I pass this up then alot of things came crumbling down the lies spun out of control a girl even called harassing me to stay away she was with him he still denied it all then a week and half later he said he had issues with his phone and turned it off I freaked he emailed me saying he would call me and missed me loved me and then yesterday I got an email with that same info and more saying how he loved me has to work on himself and won’t find anyone like me and that eventually be able to call me I’m a complete mess I cried for 5 days straight sick over this I’m still so upset even after finding out lies i thought he was the one we talked about me moving with him getting married and all that stuff I’m so heart broken I feel like I can’t accept this all I don’t know what to do I want to beg him not too knowing he has to be with someone else we talked multiple times a day but started to dir out in the last month with excuses just can’t believe the way it all went down so devastated
I met a bloke online in September last year. We messaged constantly for a few weeks and then met up. We went out and then I stayed over at his. He seemed perfect for me – gorgeous, funny, attentive. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. The next day he took me home, and I knew straightaway something had changed. His messages were shorter and dwindled down to nothing. I asked him what was going on but he never even replied. I was crushed. I went on a few more dates with other men, but nobody measured up to him and he was always in the back of my mind. In December I came across him online again and we got chatting. He apologised for not contacting me and said he liked me but had bottled it. The texts started again, non stop. He told me he wanted me for more than one night and that to him I was perfect. I told him I’d never felt this way about anyone before. We met up again on New Year’s Day and had the most amazing night. Not just the sex, we talked about anything and everything and there was a really strong connection. He dropped me off home the next lunchtime, and everything changed again. He only texted me when I texted him, and his replies were very short. After a couple of days I asked him outright where I stood with him, and told him I liked him and would really like to get to know him better. He said at first that he didn’t know what to do, and that he would love a relationship and could definitely feel something between us. Then he said he didn’t have time as he works away during the week, and that he would want to give 100% and wouldn’t be able to. He said he thought the right decision was to stop things now before we both got hurt. I am absolutely devastated, mainly because he gave up before he even gave it a chance, and it could have been something really special. However I am not going to beg someone to be in my life, so I’ll just have to hope that the pain becomes bearable and I can stop my eyes filling with tears all the time.
I’m trying to work through the grief after a beautiful short-term relationship ended abruptly— my story is just like the others here. One thing that has helped me is reading about attachment styles. I think the person who broke up with me has the dismissive/avoidant attachment style. I recommend googling this if these stories resonate with you.
My boyfriend and I were friends first. He made me feel very special already then. After having just coffee with him I always felt empowered and motivated to pursue my dreams. We were very different. I grew up with a very controlling mom, who pushed me in all areas of life. He was a free bird, not very ambitious and always grateful for everything and everyone surrounding him. We were dating for 3 weeks before we really committed and then were together for two months.
I wasn’t crazy about him when we first started dating, but when I fell for him, I fell hard. He was so supportive. He helped me in so many ways. I was still dealing with a lot of my issues from the past and he was there for me. Sometimes he didn’t understand, what I was going through, but he always tried and accepted me for who I was.
Towards the end of the relationship I started becoming very clingy. In retrospective, this is something that has already happened once: When my best friend in high school (who meant everything to me) started pulling away, I became very desperate, which causes her to pull away even more. I was about to leave for a two months vacation to visit my family, when he told me that he wanted to go on a break, because things weren’t working out. He told me it was nothing serious, it was just that he wanted to focus on himself and work on his issues (he had financial issues then). I told him that I was okay with it, but it fed my desperation even more. I talked to him again before leaving about the “terms of the break” and asked him to break up with me now (and not over the distance) if he stopped having feelings for me. He told me that he didn’t want to break up. A week later he called me to tell me that he thought we were more suited as friends and that the reason he started the relationship in the first place was to help me.
I was crushed. I knew it was coming (after he asked for the break). But I was crushed by how he broke up. He invalidated a relationship, that meant everything to me, in less than 30 minutes. He was everything to me. He was my best friend and he was my lover. I confided in him. I felt like I could be truly myself around him. We truly supported each other. Sometimes times were rocky, but we always helped each other out.
It’s been over a month and sometimes I feel a bit better and then I relapse. I miss him. I miss him so much. I’ve been writing him everyday, but I never send it. I still can’t deal with the fact, that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I worry what will happen, when I come back. He wants to be friends. I don’t think I can do that.
What has helped me a lot was to reaching out to my friends and starting a new hobby. It keeps me distracted. I hope one day I will wake up and won’t have him on my mind.